Sa dami dami dami dami dami dami ng tao dito sa mundo paano ko mahahanap ang nawawala kong wallet? Fresh pain a while ago. I have that feeling na maraming importanteng bagay doon para sa akin. Memories and remembrance? Yung gospel and invitation na unang invite sa akin. Yung id’s, yung tickets. syempre yung allowance. Lahat lahat pati yung wallet na mahal :\, I too much value the things I have and the things that are given to me that’s why it cause me pain. Sunday morning when I lost my wallet. I dunno’ where I misplace it. All I know, that wallet is very important to me. Umaasa akong maibabalik siya. Til’ now, the pain. It won’t go away, today. But the reality too won’t change. It is a decision for me to completely forget what happened and convince myself that it never come back anymore. But I pray, kung sino man may hawak nung wallet na iyon. Lord, touch his/her heart. So I will wake up in the morning bearing the pain of reality because I am in the road of accepting. Wallet lang yun, hindi ko pagpapalit ang gladness ko.
The truth is, I will not blog about this, wallet thinggy-u know. I’m physically tired pero magalak ang aking puso sa pagkapanalo nitong intams. 3 days intrams was a great experience for me. First time ko mag-intrams sa AMA. And I received 3 champions (Table tennis – Single [Women] & Mixed Doubles, Badminton -Single[Women]) All glory belongs to God! One thing I realized, nanalo nga ako. But after all this thing, Inside my heart, may lungkot pa din. This coming saturday, may event sa church. Na dapat nakapaginvite ako instead of playing around, hitting that shuttlecock. Waking up early, doing stretching and waiting for the game. I feel guilt. I feel unsatisfied. I feel sad. Because I feel right now, that it was a wrong way. But, thanks be to God, for His mercy and grace. For He is a forgiving God!
Blessed is he whose transgression is forgiven, Whose sin is covered. Blessed is the man to whom the Lord does not impute iniquity, And in whose spirit there is no deceit. (Psalms 32:1-2, NIV)
Sa kabila ng lahat ng ito, saya sa pagkapanalo at lungkot sa biglang pagkawala, Still, PRAISE GOD! Maybe now, I’ll start another chapter. Move on. I am seeking always to have a start because I want to forget things I’ve done in a wrong way. But it is supposed to be like that? Forgetting what is behind and run like you had never carried faults in your life?
Do we really need to forget? Because at some point, sometimes, I see sweetness in pain. I see a charm in tears that have fallen. Looking back, thou’ it was a mess and unattractive, it is the reason I appreciate where I am and what I have today.
Mistakes, pains, and hardships are the ones we mostly want to forget. But it is all the ones that make us to keep going. We keep trying harder, we keep fighting, we keep running, and we keep making things in proper order to rebuild things rightly. It helps us to create our trace in this world. So that at the end of our lives we can say to ourselves, “My Life isn’t lifeless at all!”
At the end of the day I realize it is not about everything that happened. It is about the time I am always looking at. I am still that girl who thinks that time is always running out. I still put comfort in fast-paced and never want to see things slowly or in its regularity. Still, every time I fell to the ground, & every time I fail, still God’s mercy remains. Failure and success are both the possible endings of every season in my life.
In failure, I truly learn my weaknesses and things I cannot do next time. In success, I learn my strengths, the things I can and qualities I have that I can use again. And in both, I experience the mercy, grace and love of God. It is like learning the advantages and disadvantages of things around me.
What matters for me is the journey and not the ending. Endings are just bonus where I can say “Yeheyyyy! Finally, tapos na.” or “Wow! It is awesome! I want to do it again!” And in every journey I am in naman there’s only one thing that is always being point up. It is GOD IS IN ME, GOD IS WITH ME & GOD IS FOR ME and there’s always a next chapter with Him. I was lost for a week but now I am found again. More grace more love.
When do I ever learn? I am always like this and makes me forget to enjoy things at a time. I am greedy to have it all at once not realizing that one present a day is equal to unceasing happiness than getting and unwrapping the gifts at one once and not having anything tomorrow.
I know that I have to go back. I do not know where to find what I am losing because I don’t also know what specifically I have lost. But if there’s one thing I am sure of right now, it is the want to write the way I used to. To find the softness again. To go back.
Life is a battle and a race. A battle with God’s enemy and a race where winner does not mean you are the fastest but the strongest and the one who really perseveres. Because the race I am talking about is not just an ordinary one, it is a race where you are risking it all for your faith.
Right now, I feel better. I find comfort because of- JESUS ♥
Remember your word to your servant, in which you have made me hope. This is my comfort in my affliction, that your promise gives me life. The insolent utterly deride me, but I do not turn away from your law. (Psalms 118:49-51, ESV)
I will not give up. Because You trust me in this. You want me in this. Paul found joy in suffering, I should have too. Because we both have You. In this moment where I gave up myself planning for my future, I can only say Your Name and nothing more. Lord, your grace is sufficient in my weakness.