19 things I’ve learned in 19 years

Since I turned 19, I want to share some of my learning throughout my year. I have learned more than these 19 lessons in my 19 years on earth. But I could only sum up everything into these 19. Take time to read this, I tried to make it shorter.

  1. Everything happens for a reason.

Everything that happens in this world happens at the time God chooses. (Ecclesiastes 3:1, GNT)

Madaming ganap at pangyayari simula ng naging ganap na dalaga na ako. Yung saya at lungkot andiyan na yan e. Nasasayo na lang kung ano pipiliin mo. One thing is all I know, “Everything has a purpose according to God’s plan”. May rason yan! Hindi sa lahat ng pagkakataon aayon sa mga gusto mo ang lahat ng mga nangyayari sa buhay mo.  Hindi palaging nasa taas ka, hindi rin palaging nasa baba ka. Hindi parating okay lang lahat. But then, it’s always a matter of CHOICE.

I must confess, I undergo to one of the painful decision in my life when I stepped on being 18. I must admit, those were aching and tough moments. Natagalan din akong tanggapin ang mga bagay-bagay non. I didn’t see it coming, if I knew I should’ve prepared for it. Sometimes, it’s hard to accept the things you didn’t expect to happen. It’s one of the hardest part in the healing process; ACCEPTANCE. Maraming oras na napatanong ako ng “Why did this happen to me?” o “Bakit ko pa kailangan daanan to?” Ang daming tanong sa isip ko na hindi masagot-sagot. But, It always lead me to 4 words “Everything happens for a reason”. And I believe, God has better plans for me. And it keeps me going! There are better times for that ‘thing’ to happen. Trust GOD, good or bad? It’s a lesson and the trip happened for a reason.

  1. Step outside of my comfort zone.

I will lead the blind along an unfamiliar way; I will guide them down paths they have never traveled. I will turn the darkness in front of them into light, and level out the rough ground. This is what I will do for them. I will not abandon them. (Isaiah 42:16, NET Bible)

Lately, I have been challenging myself to step outside of my comfort zone. Amazing things have happened. I’m one of a kind of person that is driven by fear of failure. Kaya, sometimes I always make sure na magiging successful ang result. Takot gawin to, takot gawin yan. Baka di ko magawa, baka mag-fail lang, nahihiya ako, di ko rin kaya yan, di ako magaling sa ganyan.

Lemme’ share you something… Mahiyain po ako in front of many crowds, hindi ko kayang magsalita sa harap dahil feeling ko wala kong masasabi parati or feeling ko di naman ako magaling magsalita. (I’m sure walang maniniwala but for those people who really knows me. Who knew me behind the preparation of every speech, I’m sure you know what I mean.) Sobrang kabado po talaga ako. Pag napipili po ko magsalita sa harap madalas tumatanggi yung bibig ko pero gusto naman talaga ng heart ko. It just “it takes a lot of courage for me to speak in front of many people”. Another thing, hindi ko din kaya mapag-isa. Hindi ko kaya kumaen alone. Hindi ko kaya bumili ng something ng magisa. Kahit saan ako pumunta nagpapasama pa ako noon.  Isa talaga to sa naging achievement para sakin, yung maovercome ko na ang di magpasama parati. Babaw ba? Hehe.

Sabi nga ni Max DePree, “We cannot become what we want to be by remaining what we are.”

When I started to step outside my comfort zone many new oppurtinities came. I discover new abilities and strengths I thought I never had. Pag hindi mo talaga triny yung mga bagay na uncomfortable ka at paulit-ulit ka lang dun sa mga bagay na master mo na, you won’t grow. Try mo muna kasi. Instead of saying I can’t, say ‘I can.’. Get out of the box. Try new things. New foods, new adventures, new skills. Make it new everyday! God makes all things new. (Revelation 21:5)

If you just stay there and sit, you will gain nothing, apart from more fear of the unknown and more worries of all the things you don’t have or have never done.

  1. Always give my best shot.

Whatever you do, do well. For when you go to the grave, there will be no work or planning or knowledge or wisdom. (Ecclesiastes 9:10, NLT)

Madalas ko tong sabihin sa sarili ko simula ng tumungtong ako sa third-year level ngayong college. Di naman talaga maitatanggi na may mga mahihirap na subjects. Meron akong subject last semester ang hirap niya po talaga mapapa-HUHU ka.  Matinding dasalan tuwing exam, board exam nga daw ika-nila. (Hi comscie’s, you know what I mean) Kailangan mong mag exert ng maraming effort para maabot ang goal mo. Ilang kape sa isang araw ang kailangan mo para lang magising ka sabay habang nainom ng kape sisigaw ka pa ng “laban lang! wooh” hahaha, nakakatawa man pero, ginagawa ko to. Try niyo din effective po.

Bata pa lang ako tinatak ko na at binaon ko na sa aking puso’t isipan na “gagawin mo na lang din yung isang bagay, bigay mo na yung pinakabest mo. Mag-aaral ka na lang din naman, galingan mo na, make it on top!” It was my motivation every now and then.

I remember one of the meeting in digisciples. Ate Zy Bambico told us ‘Kung ano yung role mo at kung saan ka nilagay ni Lord, dapat ikaw yung pinakamagaling doon. Kung floor director ka, dapat ikaw yung pinakamagaling na floor director. Kung designer ka, dapat ikaw yung pinakamagaling na designer.’

Put all your effort into everything you do. If you’re okay with putting in half the effort, you better be okay with half the results. If you want the best then give your best shot. Ayos ba yon? Go girl!

  1. Hard work pays off!

With all this going for us, my dear, dear friends, stand your ground. And don’t hold back. Throw yourselves into the work of the Master, confident that nothing you do for Him is a waste of time or effort. (1 Corinthians 15:58, MSG)

Every semester, “worth it! talaga”. Everytime I see my name on dean’s lister, I always says ‘hard work pays off!’. Di sayang lahat ng effort basta you give all credit to GOD. Malinaw sayo kung bakit mo pa kailangan laanan ng oras at panahon ang isang bagay. Everything is to give glory to our God. Mapa-saang aspeto man yan. Ang mga challenges andyan na yan e, sometimes it won’t be fun trying to get there, sometimes you will feel the tiredness and you’ll want to give up. But, if you keep going on, in the end, it’s all worth it. Goals are attainable if you put in the effort to achieve them.

You don’t remember the struggle or pain to get there, you remember how awesome it feels once you succeed and you already get there. You are more than conquerors, kaya tapusin mo na hanggang dulo. Ngayon pa ba?

  1. Sing it out.

A Psalm. O sing to the LORD a new song, For He has done wonderful things, His right hand and His holy arm have gained the victory for Him. (Psalm 98:1, NASB)

I know that I’m not a good singer but, I can sing. Like everyone else, all of us can sing. Yun nga lang hindi lahat gifted ng magandang boses and I’m one of them. But, no one can stop us from belting out some tunes. Sing your heart out! Even if you’re out of tune. I believe it’s about your heart and it’s not about your good voice. Kaya, may mga boses na alam mo yun, yung ramdam na ramdam mo, may hugot mula sa kailaliman eh. Because, singing is breathing for the soul. It’s something that you can express and say. On key, or off key, okay lang yan. It’s good for the soul.

Sometimes, we also have to consider what we sing. Kasi, kung ano yung kinakanta natin yun din ang usually na dinedeclare natin over our lives. Much better if we sing praises for the LORD. so He can feel your love for Him. Siya yung pagkinantahan mo di lang nasatisfy yung soul mo. Pero, pag kinantahan mo Siya, aside sa napangiti mo na Siya at na-glorify mo Siya, you are also acknowledging and inviting His presence and it will empower and strengthen you more. Often times, we think only of singing when we’re happy and we just feel a good times, but singing is not just that, it brings spiritual strength as well. Read Acts 16. Paul and Silas are persecuted and suffered unjustly imprisoned for the sake of the Gospel, and what do they do while they’re in prison? Sing! (Acts 16:25) Even in suffering, ikanta mo lang yan bes!

  1. Show appreciation for everything.

But we request of you, brethren, that you appreciate those who diligently labor among you, and have charge over you in the Lord and give you instruction. (1 Thessalonians 5:12, NASB)

O’ kay sarap magappreciate ng tao. The smallest gestures of appreciation and love from people around you would really mean a lot to them, minsan hindi lang natin alam. Pero everyone deserves to be appreciated. Hindi lang pag may okasyon. Hindi lang po masarap maappreciate ng iba pero, I realized na minsan mas masarap pa yung ikaw yung magaappreciate, we don’t even know what’s the impact of that to the person you appreciated. It can be as simple as “I appreciate your *tell him/her what’s good to him/her”. Just a simple compliment will make them feel loved. Do nice things for others. Kung hindi keri iappreciate ng personal, pwede mo naman siyang sulatan just to appreciate him/her, there is nothing more satisfying and heartwarming than putting a smile on someone else’s face. Be a blessing to other through appreciating them.

Take time every day to initiate random acts of kindness. Be kind to others, you don’t know what they’re going through. You can appreciate a person in many different ways sometimes, you also have to figure out his/her love language. “Do good and feel good.”

  1. Learn to forgive.

Take heed to yourselves. If your brother sins against you, rebuke him; and if he repents, forgive him. And if he sins against you seven times in a day, and seven times in a day returns to you, saying, ‘I repent,’ you shall forgive him. (Luke 17:3-4, NKJV)

Well, natural talagang may makakasakit at makakasakit sayo. People will fail you. (but God will not). People are going to hurt you your entire life but forgiveness is not based on other people’s treatment to you but on your own attitude and decision. Last year, there was this person who hurt me (medyo bonnga), and I can’t explain the feelings I felt at first because I’ve never felt them before in my life. Yung ganong ka-O.A. Yes, I felt betrayed, discouraged, bitterness, hurt, pissed and many many more. But, after a month, I was able to forgive that person after all the process I’ve done, it doesn’t happen in a day, process talaga! Pero dapat faster ka din mag-process bawal slowmo, kasi the more mong pinapatagal the more mo lang sinasaktan at sinasaktan ang puso mo. After all the dramas na ‘why you do this to me?’, when I really forgave that person from deep inside of my heart, natanggal yung mga tinik eh, all the emotions that normally stirred no longer existed.

Forgiveness is the key to move forward. You cannot be stuck with anger and resentment forever but also acknowledge that healing takes time. Choose to move forward. – Ptra. Lovely Santiago

Yes, I can’t forget what that person did, It is hard to look at someone the same after they have done wrong to you. How do you forgive the person that caused you too much pain? Ano yun pagtapos ng lahat, limot mo na, nauntog lang? Syempre, hindi ganon yun. But I just decided to let go, and I choose forgiveness. You can’t forget but, you can forgive! I also realize that I have hurt a lot of people too (tao lang rin nasasaktan at nakakasakit) and I deserve forgiveness just as much as the next person. Everyone deserves forgiveness regardless of how bigger the offense is. God always forgives, so why can’t we?

  1. The older you get, the friendships are to maintain.

A man with many friends can still be ruined, but a true friend sticks closer than a brother. (Proverbs 18:24, ISV)

Sobrang naging mahalaga talaga sa akin ang quality time for every friendship that I had. I believe it’s one of the important thing that a friendship could have; yung oras. At yun yung way para mamaintain ang isang friendship. We all need friendships? right? Meron bang kayang mabuhay mag-isa? or rephrase na lang natin meron bang nabuhay sa mundo na automatic solo na siya? Wala naman di ba? Pero, as we getting older mahirap naman talaga imaintain ang friendship lalo na kung ‘hindi mo sasadyain na iwork-out to’. Sinasadya din yan! Graduating student in college, they’re a lot more work compare to last sems’s sched. But, I always make sure to have time for my friends. Because, I believe that’s the best love that you can offer to your friends, a quality time. I don’t want to make an excuse that I’m busy. Kasi, ‘pag mahal mo, lalaanan mo ng oras’. I-maintain ang friendship. It’s the best treasure that you can have.

Many find their significant others. Some of the people will be okay with the way you communicate and keep in touch, and others won’t. Friendships can also hurt you. But then, it’s important to realize we all lead busy lives, so showing your friends grace when they don’t meet your expectations is also an important thing to keep in mind.

There are also friends who won’t stay. But, will remind us to focus on the awesome people who stayed with us as opposed to focusing on the person who left. We, as humans, have a tendency to focus on what’s left, but the grass is not always greener on the other side. When you take a minute to think about the people in your life, you realize that you are too blessed with these people.

  1. Stay encouraged.

When you go through deep waters, I will be with you. When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown. When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not be burned up; the flames will not consume you. (Isaiah 43:2, NLT)

Madami talagang pagkakataon na gustong nakawin ang joy mo at ididiscourage ka ng ididiscourage talaga but, it’s always a wise thing to stay encourage! Ikaw lang din ang talo pag nagpadiscourage ka. Strain forward to what lies ahead.

So lemme’ share you somethin’… I was invited to one of the largest event for the web. (can only explain the further details in personal message) I must admit that I felt that I’m not for that, I’m not good at it and I’m not fit for that. I have a lot of *gusto-ko-ng-lumubog-sa-lupa moments* that time. There’s this one person there who was about to discourage me and tells me a lot of things. Na-na-na-na. I honestly felt discouraged. But then, it suddenly reminds me that I should stay encourage. When you go through deep waters, God says ‘I will be with you’. Deep waters can symbolizes fields. Kung saang field ka man ni Lord nilagay ngayon, God is with you. You have nothing to be feared. There’s no reason for you to be discourage because, everyone has their own great qualities, great skills, great abilities and capabilities about themselves, and sometimes some people’s progress, and going to the next step takes a bit longer than others, but never be and let others discourage on how slow a progress you are making. Just keep going! Sabi nga ni dory, ‘just keep swimming, just keep swimming’. Have continual progress that is not stopping and just do your best. Always look forward in life.

May time na magfafail ka talaga but, the sign of failure means that you are trying. Nobody is a failure. You might fail at doing somethings, but never make that into a weakness. And it will never be your identity. Failure means success in the long run. Stay encourage! *tap yourself on the back.*

  1. You’ re not living for yourself alone.

Jesus said, “The first in importance is, ‘Listen, Israel: The Lord your God is one; so love the Lord God with all your passion and prayer and intelligence and energy.’ And here is the second: ‘Love others as well as you love yourself.’ There is no other commandment that ranks with these.” (Mark 12:30-31, MSG)

This month of february, it’s my everyday prayer to God na ‘Lord, enlarge my heart. I want to love more people’. Love one another by extending a helping hand also. It is so rewarding to show someone compassionate and kindness. I think everyone deserves to have that kind of feeling, to love and to be loved.

You also need a discipleship group or a faith group to grow in all area of your life. And to experience a godly love from one another. Remember you’re not living for yourself alone. Even Jesus doesn’t lived Himself alone. Want to join a discipleship group? Attend Sunday Service at Faithful Jesus Church at SM Muntinlupa Cinema 3, Tagalog Service: 9:30 AM and English Service: 10:40 AM. Someone will approach you there to join a small group. See you there!

  1. Don’t be afraid to try again.

But as for you, be strong and do not give up, for your work will be rewarded. (2 Chronicles 15:7, NIV)

Because I’m afraid to feel that again, to happen that again because of the same reason, I’m scared that I would make the same decisions which have caused me severe regrets, pain and self-pity. Hindi naman porket nagkamali ka ng isang beses eh ayaw mo na agad, ayaw mo na ulit magtry. Don’t let a hard lesson harden your heart. Every failures should be treat as a lesson. Nagkamali ka hindi para ulitin ulit. But, it will mold you to become a better person. You will become wiser if you encounter thiings like this. Lahat naman tayo may pagkakamali but it is not our identity. Bumagsak man, nadapa man, don’t be afraid to try again! Trust people again, take risks, don’t bury yourself again too deep. But, be wise to handle everything.

  1. Dogs are man’s bestfriend.

A friend is always loyal, and a brother is born to help in time of need. (Proverbs 17:17, NLT)

For those who followed me on instagram and use to checked my ig stories, you know definitely about this. Dati talaga hindi ako mahilig sa dogs. Takot pa nga ko sakanila para kasing ang sakit sakit pag kinagat ka nila. Pero, nung dumating si Shelby (my pet’s name) sa buhay ko, blessing talaga! As-in! Mapa-anong weather kaibigan mo talaga siya at kaibigan ka talaga niya. Tipong galing ka from school, galing ka from OJT, pagod and all pero everyday sasalubungin ka niya, lalambingin ka niya, nakakawala talaga ng pagod. Aside sa stress reliever siya sayo, comforter din. One time nung pumunta ako sa room ko ng naiyak pinuntahan ako ni Shelby, nung time na yun ramdam na ramdam ko na nararamdaman niya yung nararamdaman ko, inakyat niya pa ko sa kama tapos yung mahimas mo lang yung dog mo feeling comforted ka na. Dama niya din kapag malungkot ka, mapa-anong season man yan. Masaya ka, malungkot ka, alam mong nandiyan lang siya. Indeed, my dog is a great blessing for me! Hindi complete ang 19th ko kung wala si Shelby.

  1. Busyness is a choice.

But Martha was distracted by the big dinner she was preparing. She came to Jesus and said, “Lord, doesn’t it seem unfair to you that my sister just sits here while I do all the work? Tell her to come and help me.” But the Lord said to her, “My dear Martha, you are worried and upset over all these details! (Luke 10:40-41, NLT)

If we read the whole story it symbolizes a great example of the consequences of busyness. We rush around doing “what needs to be accomplish,” while missing the glimpses of Jesus all around us and spend time with our love ones because, we are too busy to do a lot of things. Let us all allow ourselves to take it easy for a while. Now if you know me personally, you will know I am a ‘doer’. It’s in my nature to do a lot of different things and try different things as well, nabobored ako kapag hindi busy. Kaya, bata pa lang ako hilig ko na talaga sumali ng mga organizations or clubs sa school. Aligaga sa ganto, sa ganyan plus isasabay sa aral. Stressful naman talaga at overwhelming. It was really hard. But, I realize that sometimes busyness doesn’t help me anymore, mas lalo lang akong nagiging lituhin at nawawala yung quality sa bawat works. And because of this, I challenged myself. Magkaiba kasi yung busy ka sa productive. Kapag productive ka, from the word PRODUCT, ibig sabihin may naproproduce ka, may output. Pero, pag busy ka hindi automatic na productive ka. Magkaiba yun.

Sometimes we just have to manage, organize and find a way through a particularly exhausting tasks. Relax ka lang! Wag mo masyadong i-pressure ang mga bagay-bagay. Especially for those who have their thesis. Alam naman natin gaano kalaking oras ang kinakaen sa atin ng pag-gawa ng thesis? Ako po, from Monday to Thursday may OJT ako sa IFE Elevators Philippines. It takes 1 and half hour from here to Madrigal Alabang. Depende pa yun. Kasi ang hirap sumakay ng umaga. Makikipag-gitgitan ka talaga. 8A.M pasok ko hanggang 5P.M then paguwi naman yun yung time ko para i-check yung mga dapat namang gawin sa school. Time to review, time to take online quizzes, time to do my thesis. Pag friday naman pumupunta akong school yun na lang kasi yung time na makapagpacheck ng papers and all. 1P.M ng friday may cell group naman ako sa AMA Senior high then 4P.M pupunta akong church para mag CYOD-Wise Kids naman haggang 9P.M ako sa church ng friday. Then, saturday talaga yung pinaka klase ko simula 8A.M hanggang 5P.M after class dederetso naman akong church para i-meet yung disciples ko and umaasang maabutan pa ang CYOD. Ang sunday naman 8:30A.M ang call time namin sa digisciples. Of course, it’s sabbath day, time to worship GOD, time to serve people and after sunday service mentoring naman with my mentor after naman non, I have to bond with my family. In all of this, I don’t want to label myself as a busy person. But, I want to count myself as a productive person. Chinallenge ko talaga yung sarili ko ng bonggang bongga na “yes, graduating student ako. But, it will never be my excuse to love GOD and to love people.” Busyness is a choice. Make time for everything!

  1. Anxiety doesn’t help you.

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4:6-7, NLT)

Anxiety does not define me. Isa talaga sa mga nagiging alalahin ko taon-taon, monthly-monthly, basta every semester. Walang iba kundi ang mahiwaga kong scholar. Maapprove ba o hindi, matatagalan ba o hindi, makakaexam ba ko o hindi. Laging nakabingit sa katotohanan ang peg ko every examination sa school. And I have to always remind myself that God is in control over everything so I don’t have to worry about it. If you have always been so incredibly self-conscious about your anxiety, leave it to GOD. Most of the time, it’s a test of faith. You will realize that anxiety will only affect you as much as you allow it to.

  1. Cherish your parents.

Honor your father and mother, as the LORD your God commanded you. Then you will live a long, full life in the land the LORD your God is giving you. (Deuteronomy 5:16, NLT)

Ever since, my parents are my priorities. And it should be maintained. Spend time with them, watch a movie with them, stroll with them, keep them updated, talk to them about your everyday, because parents really like that. Treat them with love and care. Minsan mas close pa tayo sa mga kaibigan natin pero try to reach out your parents, you can talk to them anytime. The more na kinukwentuhan natin sila, the more nabuibuild ang relationship. Parents are your bestfriends also. Keep yourself close to them and show them that you love them so much.

  1. Quality always wins in the end.

Then Jesus told his disciples, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. (Matthew 16:24, ESV)

If you are about to build anything that is successful in the long term (mapa-business man yan, mapa-discipleship, mapa-pagaaral) you need to focus on ‘quality’. One of the great example of first quality that Jesus mentions is that a true disciple “denies himself”. Para magkaroon ng quality sa lahat ng bagay, there is something that you have to suffer. Si Jesus hindi nagfocus sa quantity, nagfocus Siya sa quality. Kasi, pag nagfocus ka sa quality kasunod na nun ang quantity. Invest in things that focuses on delivering quality and being the best, then it will prosper in the long run, too.

  1. Sleeping early is good for the health.

In vain you rise early and stay up late, toiling for food to eat– for He grants sleep to those He loves. (Psalm 127:2, NIV)

Ito talaga isa sa mga chinallenge ko sa sarili ko. If you know me, alam mong nocturnal person talaga ako at hirap na hirap talaga ako makatulog noon. I’m worried at staying up all hours of the night, but I have found, lately, that sleep is very important. When I started to have a proper sleep and have a good night sleep, it helps me function throughout the day. Sleeping early is really good for the health + you know, we all need a little bit of beauty sleep. It’s a gift from God.

  1. True joy lies in the act of giving.

A generous person will prosper; whoever refreshes others will be refreshed. (Proverbs 11:25, NIV)

We all know how great it feels to receive gifts. But, as I grow older I realize that it feels better to give rather than to receive. Our lives are richer when we give and that great ‘inner joy’ comes from reaching out other through their needs. Truly, the more you give from the heart, the more your life fills with joy, lots of happines and nourishes your soul. You attract the blessings that is coming from the Lord, whenever you bless other people in different ways.

 A Chinese proverb says: “If you always give, you will always have.”

  1. I am choosen. (period-no erase).

But you are not like that, for you are a chosen people. You are royal priests, a holy nation, God’s very own possession. As a result, you can show others the goodness of God, for he called you out of the darkness into his wonderful light. (1 Peter 2:9, NLT)

January 23, 2017, it was last month, I felt that I’m not chosen that time. May pili-factor na naganap between me and another person. Di lang pala felt, suddenly, hindi pala talaga ako napili. Syempre, sad yun. Kahit sino naman siguro ayaw yung feeling na hindi siya mapili. Mapa-contest, mapa-best awardees, mapa-relationship. But, we have to accept it in the end. Of  course, we all want to be choose, but not all the time you’ll be choose by someone. Minsan mapipili ka, minsan hindi din. Pero, si Lord pag pinili ka, pinili ka na talaga. Wala ng atrasan yun! Ang malupet pa dun si Lord pag pumili hindi bumabase sa galing mo, mas ginagamit pa ni Lord yung mga ordinary na tao to do extraordinary things for His glory alone! Habang dito sa mundo pinipili kung sino magaling, kung sino ganto at kung sino yung ganyan pero, si Lord hindi ganon. Kaya, pag si LORD ang pumili sayo, humanda ka kasi kakaiba yun more than people who chose you in this temporary world. I remember that day, I told to Him, “Lord, hindi man ako yung napili neto, pinili Mo naman po ako” and I just pour it out to God. Just imagine, King of all kings, Lord of all lords, pinili ka! sinong hindi maamaze nun? Yung ‘chosen’ na word hindi yun base sa mga tao dito sa mundo pero yung description mong ‘I am chosen by God’ it will lasts eh. And that’s what matters to me most.

🌸🌸🌸

As you can see some of the stories there are like *reserved words* (still working on that), but if you want to get to know me more, I love to do it personally. The process of learning is never-ending, but I hope you did learn something from what I wrote. I would really love to tell more experiences of mine and the stories behind every lesson that I had. You can connect with me at my social media accounts:

Facebook | Twitter | Instagram

💌: blessedsheim@gmail.com

 

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What I Want VS. What God Wants

June 02, 2016 exactly 12 a.m in the morning it was announced in Manila X Festival’s site that I won 2 tickets. Obviously, I was so surprise and glad. Before June 02, 2016 around last week of May, I really prayed and did an action to win in that contest because, I really wanted to be there and witness the first ever Manila X Festival. And most of all, I want to see my favorite artist and bands there like Yeng Constantino, Up Dharma Down and The Juans. hehehe. So, I don’t want to miss that opportunity. But, to make the long story short, I couldn’t make it. (Right now, I’m very sure the concert is on going. lol.) Last night, after my night class, I went to church for worker’s meeting. And then, my mentor already knew it that I will not be able to attend CYOD even if I didn’t tell her earlier so one of my ka-mentee teased me hahaha. Plus, travelling back at home my disciple PM’ed me. She told me that she will attend CYOD. So, I am more confused If I’m still going on Manila X Festival or will attend CYOD. Huhuhu. I talked to GOD. And praying for a wisdom. Because, that moment I don’t feel a sense of “peace” to go in that concert. Although, that’s once in a lifetime. Yes, honestly, I don’t want to miss the opportunity to see my fav’s. But, it will break my heart if I miss the opportunity to meet my disciples.

June 04, 2016, 9 a.m in the morning it was all set. I’m very prepared and excited for the concert but still my heart is not at peace. After a few hours, my best friend called me that she can’t make it today. I felt sad about her news. So, I texted my other friends and one of my friend is willing to be with me. But then, I decided not to go anymore. So, I already told my mama & my mentor that I won’t go on Manila X Festival. My mama told me that maybe “it is God’s will”. And my mentor told me that “God has His ways.” In any decision we have the opportunity to choose. And this is one of the opportunity to practice wisdom. There is a purpose behind everything. I am so busy planning for the concert not even asking God’s opinion about it. Now, I learn to lean. I learn to ask and seek. I learn to be more obedient [obedience out of love]. I learn that my God is so powerful enough to do and fulfill EVERYTHING in EVERY WAY. I want Him to direct my path even when I’m about to make choices in life. So, yeah, I was about to take a bath a while ago when GOD spoke to me, I just cried.. To be honest, I want to be in Manila X Festival but, I want to obey and submit to God [out of love]. I should be serious about following God’s will, and I have to recognize that it’s not about getting what I want, but what God asks. His will is what’s best for me. 2PM, me and my ka-meente went to te amo and 4PM, I attended CYOD. I’m telling you, “It’s worth it!”. Worth it to choose HIM first and put GOD above all else.

Lesson Learned: “Read the instructions very carefully”

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It’s so hard for me to think a good title. Ayt. My brain just works in a different way. I don’t have much to say. I suppose I never do. At least not out loud. Everything is always in my head, every random thought, every opinion, every idea, every feeling, squeezing my heart. It makes me tired. I figured, I should probably write it out, and that way let out my thoughts, my feelings. I miss this. I was never into diaries these past few weeks because of busyness, because of achuchuness I’m handling in school right now and I had exams last week and was struggling to find time, never mind starting a new blog and trying to keep it updated, lol so I’d give this blog a try since I have something to say.

What I’ve learned today…
“Read the instructions very carefully before completing any Petition.”

The meaning of a sentence can change based on one word or even one sentence. If you do skim or read sloppily you may miss it and misunderstand. It’s true that most of our reading is not imperative or life threatening if we make an error.

daDA

I forgot to pay attention to every single word on our prelim examination at CS202 – Computer Programming 2. Because all I know and all I thought, our exam will be so easy for me. Because, some of my classmates told me that I’ll just laugh with it. It was an important exam for me and I studied really, really hard for it. It was supposed to be an easy exam. Everything pointed to it being an easy exam, but I studied as hard as I could for it anyway because it was an important exam. It’s a milestone. It’s one of those ridiculous steps we have to take in life so that we can climb just a little bit higher; I’m a ComScie student so I have to master the programming. So, it was important for me to develop my programming skill that’s why I push through. I was so hopeful and confident in that subject. So here it is, last week I was about to took my exam, and I took my exam for about 3 minutes, if I’m not mistaken. Anyways, that is a special exam. I was really confident that time that I will have perfect score. Test I – Multiple choice, Test II – True of false, oh speaking of true or false. I actually didn’t notice that I have to write my last name if the statement is true and write my first name if the statement is right. And guess what? Its two points each. I thought that was the last but there was another. In test III, I didn’t read the instructions again, I thought all I have to put is the output but then I was wrong. Because, I was so confident that the exam was so easy for me, my grade is lower than 80-90% and that was unexpected. Ayt. I didn’t notice the instructions at the very first place telling me that next time sheim you read the instructions very carefully.

I remember,
Doc Jecee says “Kaya nga unang una ang instruction eh, kasi yun yung pinakaimportante sa lahat, bago mo gagawin ang isang bagay o isasagot yung ganto ganyan, babasahin mo muna instructions”

*****

So that’s it. Hahahah. All I feel right now, NANGHIHINAYANG TALAGA KO. Hanggang pagtulog ko ata, nasa isip ko to. First time ko makakuha ng ganung grade. Grade conscious feels! Di ko siya matanggap nung una. Pero, sabi nga ni Sir Jerome kanina, sino ba yung nagsulat sa green booklet? So, I have no one to blame but myself. Nakakagulat lang kasi pag pasok ko na di dapat ako papasok kasi sobrang feel ko yung pagod. I have cold and cough. At masama talaga pakiramdam ko, pero pinilit ko pumasok kasi akala ko may laboratory exam kami just like what I’ve said, importante tong subject na to sakin. Dahil major. Pag bukas ko ng pinto bungad sakin yung ____% sa harap ng green booklet, I was like shocks! shocks! shocks! Bat’ ganto grade ko? Yesterday, I went home around 10PM and it was almost every day. Because of school works I have to do, and deadlines to meet for our org. Is it normal to feel this physically drained, right? Like I could only get out of bed by 6am and it just takes a lot of energy for me to even get up. Sometimes, I have no sleep yet. I’m even too tired to read or to catch up something in my acads. I’m just reading my bible lifelessly. For the Lord is my strength! I don’t think it is normal to feel so tired? No one else from my class is as exhausted as I am; they’re just going about their businesses as usual.

That’s why this is the verse of the week for me:

Exams are draining, most cognitively and physically. Feels like ang dami kong iniisip o kailangan pang gawin. Meron pa kong mga di natatake na prelim exam tapos mag mimidterm exam na. Ayt! Kaya, kailangan kong iremind yung sarili ko palagi na “SAY NO TO PRESSURE” talaga. There’s a lot of work goes into revision, there’s a lot of stress and anxiety and it’s all over in just a few weeks (a relatively short period of time). So there’s this huge buildup of work and anxiety in a short period of time for our org so of course it’s fine to feel tired. But then again,

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. – Phil. 4:13

Different people respond differently to exams. Like you some people feel absolutely exhausted at the end and then some people don’t; that’s it. Everyone is different in their responses to exams and in their preparations so it makes sense for people to respond differently at the end as well.

Kaya naman, I feel so sorry sa prof. namin sa subject na to. Kung napatahimik man ako sa klase, ang sakit lang talaga nung grade ko. Hahaha. No tampo po! I am blaming myself na di ko muna binasa yung instruction. And next time, una ko ng gagawin yun. Hahahah. Pagod lang rin kaya napatahimik na lang ako. Nadidivide yung utak ko. Maybe, I need a break… I should take some time out for myself. I found rest in God’s presence. Wooooh. Sobrang hungry sa rest. Kaya sana Sabbath day na hihi. I’ve done a lot of work recently and I deserve a rest. I’ll take the time that I need to recover and won’t compare myself to other people because I am all different.

I was thinking that this blog post is about learning to take tests well but also just reading directions on how to do something is dependent on careful reading of every single word. Take the first step “Read the instructions very carefully before completing any petition.” So, the careful reading of the passage part is an important life skill to learn and to make a habit of.
Hahaha. I find out where I’ve gone wrong and how I can improve, I need to read carefully first. Looking back and thinking about how things went. That’s all. My reflection for today. Thanks for spending your time reading my daily experience today.

My Faith Journey (3rd Trimester-Final Examination)

Did I truly trust God, the God I had claimed to know and love all my life? And if so, would I follow Him even into the darkest, most painful valley?

By His grace, I have followed.  By my faith, miracles happen! And truly God has given me eyes that see Him in the most unexpected ways. The only thing that will keep u going is your FAITH~

FAITH SEEING AS GOD SEES.. – Ptra. Mitch Gustilo, Fueled by Faith Series

Faith does not operate in the realm of the possible. There is no glory for God in that which is humanly possible. Faith begins where man’s power ends. I have experienced the power of such faith in my life.

One of the struggles I was facing when I started to enter college was finances; It so heavy for our parents to provide our tuition fees. Especially two of us are studying in a expensive computer college school.

My brother is a graduating student (I mean, 1 tri to go!) So I have to make a savings for my own payment. Especially, when you see your parents are working hard just to give you an education for your future. I’m really willing to help them when I started to realize how expensive our tuition fee is.

I think it’ll be a big help for them if I make a savings for my finals and also if I would be thrifty whenever they give me an allowance. And because of that routine every examination (ipon dito, ipon don, tipid dito tipid don), it grew me a lot. But, still my parents are the one who provides my monthly payment in school. I just help them with my very best and with my very willing soul by giving some of my savings in order to add in my examination fee. Sometimes, I was thinking to be a self-supporting student. Look for a part time jobs, in order to pay off my tuition fees and living expenses.

Final exam is heading off.. My balance in school is still bigger. In my mind, I want to provide my final exam on my own because I don’t wan’t my parents to be so stressed. Me and my brother, we’re both studying at expensive school, so I have to take an action for my exam. So past few days, I suffered physically. My health condition worsened; every time I’m going to sleep, it feels like my intestine, my liver, my respiratory system are jumping around my bed. Sounds weird right? because of stress and lack of sleep. I still remember several times when I cried out to God to let me sleep for 3 days because the pain was so unbearable. Every time I was thinking for my final exam, I always asks myself, “Bakit ganto? Masipag naman ako mag-aral. Yung ibang hindi naman ganoonan kasipagan, pero fully paid agad. Eh ako?” Am I starting to doubt? But when all those questions starting to pop in my mind, I started to read Owner’s Manual. And pray! Asking God to take away all those doubts, all those fears and worries. And praying that may the spirit of fear leave me that moment.

Weeks had passed.. Finals is coming..

Habang palapit na ng palapit yung araw, ang hirap na iwasan yung pressure. Pero instead of spearheaded of worries, I JUST PUT MY TRUST ON THE LORD. This is what I always says, every time I have trouble in AMA or everytime I have concerns in AMA > “Eh, si Lord is by my side!  Nilagay ako ni Lord sa school na to! I’m 101% sure na hinding hindi Niya ko papabayan. Hindi pababayaan in terms of people around me, in terms of environment there, in terms of grades, and most of all in terms of financial (as we all know, tuition fee in AMA is so expensive KAYA: PARA SA MGA NAGAARAL SA AMA, MAG-ARAL KAYO NG MABUTI. DAHIL ANG MAHAL MAHAL NG TUITION FEE SA AMA! HINDI NAGTATAE ANG MGA MAGULANG NATIN. BLESSED TAYO DAHIL PINAGARAL TAYO NG MGA MAGULANG NATIN SA MAHAL NA UNIBERSIDAD). GOD IS WITH ME. Selah.

When I got home, I told mom and dad that the deadline for the finals was the wednesday because I don’t want to be hassle to fix my clearance and my RSA, and I found out that we didn’t have any money to pay for it yet. Normally, I’d feel frustrated, irritated, pressure, cranky and nervous all at the same time, but I was surprised I wasn’t. It was amazing. I just felt so much peace, so much hope, and so much assurance that God was gonna provide for me. That I was gonna be able to take exam.

*****

It’s not a faith unless you made a bold declaration. – Ptra. Mitch Gustilo, Fueled by Faith Series

God has already been providing in miraculous ways for me to complete my studies. Despite many trails, God has provided for all my needs and tuition fees over the 9 months. And now I am moving forward on the next level. Two steps to go. I can now see the finish line, and I am fervently praying to graduate on time with LAUDE~

Neither my desperate needs nor higher grades made any difference. However, my faith did not waver. I reasoned to myself that God was testing me so that my faith could be strengthened in the midst of trials. Just like Job says, “ ‘But he knows the way that I take; when he has tested me, I will come forth as gold’ ” (Job 23:10).*

Job! What kind of worse experience was he going through that led him to make such an affirmation? Job was a God-fearing follower; he obeyed God and trusted Him.

Despite all these terrible and heartbreaking trials, Job still believed in the Lord, for God was the object of Job’s faith. Our belief affects our attitude and our reaction. What do I mean? Look at the attitude and reaction Job had while facing all these problems. Job’s faith, trust, and belief were all rooted firmly in God. Job would have been so hopeless if his faith was based on everything he possessed. That was not the case.

His faith was in God, and God never disappears. So, when everything was lost, Job had one assurance that can never be lost and he exclaimed, “My Redeemer lives.” In that Living God, Job trusted, so he survived every crisis. He did not lose hope because he based his faith in the Lord God was the object of his faith.

*****

God provides it all the way

Going back to my own story, despite of my trials and struggles, I kept praying to God and believing in Him. I was praying for God to open a way for me to take final exam if it was really His will. I also prayed that He would help me pay off all my expenses, tuition fees, and provide me a place to stay.

Finally, a while ago, GOD PROVIDES! Imagine, my final examination starts today (April 16, 2015) and this is the day I also got my permit. GOD REALLY STRETCHES MY FAITH IN FINANCES *My Nga-nga Moment!* Slap me? Am I dreaming? I keep telling my 2 classmates “NA TALAGA BANG MAGEEXAM NA KO? TOTOO NA BA TO? KAKAPRAY KO LANG NG KAKAPRAY, NGAYONG MAKAKAEXAM NA KO? DAHIL SA MGA BIBIG NA KAKAPRAY NA KAKAPRAY AT NADINIG NI LORD?”

In the end, I was able to take my exam.

Here it is :

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Tendeden! I’m excited for my exam (for the very first time) hahaha, because I know I went through ups and downs before getting this permit. Actually, every exam, I am very early to buy a green booklet (one week before the exam) even though I’m still not paid yet. Because, I always tell to my mom that- “Ma, ito yung faith ko. BY FAITH. Alam ko kasing makakaexam ako kaya nabili agad ako ng green booklet. Si laging by faith ako ♥” hehehe.

God is so amazing and great. *AKO ANG SAKSI*

It was all God’s doing. I always reminded myself that “we live not by sight, but by faith.” Though I did not have enough money to study. I believed God and His promises in the Bible. “ALAM KONG SASAGIPIN AT SASAGIPIN AT SASAGIPIN NIYA PA KONG MULI, JUST LIKE WHAT I’VE SAID, GOD PLACE ME IN THAT CAMPUS (AMA) IMPOSIBLENG PABAYAAN NIYA KO”. My faith was in God. I believed His Word, “ ‘You have made the heavens and the earth by your great power . . . nothing is too hard for you’ ” (Jer. 32:17). I know that everything on earth belongs to the Lord, and if it’s His will and keep on desiring, then He will hear my prayer just like 1 John 5:14 says, “This is the confidence which we have before Him, that, if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us” (NASB).

We receive Jesus and His blessings only by faith. – Ptra. Mitch Gustilo, Fueled by Faith Series

Whatever situation you are in, the word of the Lord is to put your faith in Him. Listen and focus to His words no matter how loud and seemingly true the other voice is.

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“Faith is to believe what we do not see, and the reward of faith is to see what we believe.” – St. Augustine

The important lessons I learned from my walk with God, my faith journey include: to trust and have faith in Him, believe in His Word, and claim His promises because our God loves us so much that He will always carry us through. T

here might be times when we pray and pray and nothing happens. We just have to wait patiently. God stretches our faith. We might have lost faith in God because of various situations. However, we must never lose heart, never give up hope. Always trust in God.

Thankful for 2014: Thank You, Jesus. (INSPIRED)

I was about to scroll my account. Wala scroll scroll lang sa facebook, twitter, news, tumblr etc. For sure kasi madaming mga New Year’s Resolution, & New Year’s Realization ang mga mababasa ko. Kanyang kanyang post. Kanya-kanyang pasasalamat sa mga naging part ng kanilang 2014. Fresh start. Everyone was positive that 2015 will be a great year!

So here’s the TOP 3 post na nakaagaw ng pansin ko. Nakaka-amaze! I was blessed by they’re post. Isa silang artist/singer/song-writer/musician. They perform in front of audiences but also knows how to worship God. IS IT AMAZING?

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1. Yeng Constantino

Actually last last year post pa ito, January 21, 2012. Pero habang nagiiscroll ako ng mga post ni Yeng on the mission hehe, I found this one! Isa si Yeng sa mga favorite artist ko. Hindi lang sa dahil magaling siya kumanta at magcompose ng kanta kundi dahil sa sobrang passionate niya rin to serve Jesus. And dahil dun habang nagbabasa ako ng mga posts at blogs niya nag-struck sakin tong mga words na to. I find this awesome! & Very powerful talaga! as in! “SURRENDER EVERYTHING TO GOD”.  Sa tingin ko kasi ngayong magbabagong taon, heto ang pinakamagandang bagay na gawin natin. Yung masurrender natin at malet’go natin lahat lahat kay Lord. Yung sins, doubts, frustrations, burdens, fear, disappointments, failures, guilt and shame. It would be the best fresh start for all of us. “LEAVE EVERYTHING TO GOD”. Kung ayaw natin maging mabigat ang ating 2015. From the smallest things to the biggest things. Let God hold your world.

2. Gary Valenciano

Gary

Gary V. is also known as Mr. Pure Energy. Nakikinig ako paminsan minsan ng mga kanta ni Gary V. at very inspirational ng mga Christian Music na kinompose niya. Kaya naman nakaamaze na napakasikat niya sa ating industriya pero still, nandun yung pagiging proud niya kung sino ang Diyos sa buhay niya. I saw this twitter post last last month. I think October ata yun. Nakakainspired di ba? Yung prayer na ganyan. Nakakaencourage! to pray for the wisdom and discernment. This coming 2015, nawa’ mas lalo pang tumindi ang mga prayer life natin. Before this year ends, wag nating kalimutang magdasal kay Lord. And let’s expect more great things from above. Asking is the rule of kingdom. Prepare na natin ang mga big prayer requests natin. Thank you, Jesus. “MORE PRAYER, MORE POWER!”

3. Zildjian Benitez

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I just wanted to share that I had a WICKED year this 2014! There may be failures, downs or discouragements I had this year but it didn’t made me give up as a musician or a person. This is all for the glory of God. Let His kingdom come and will be done this coming 2015  Have a Happy New Year everyone! – Zildjian Benitez

Ang pinakalast, si Zildjian Benitez. Ang iba sa inyo kilala siya, ang iba naman hindi. Isa siyang musician at the same time, nakanta rin. Isa siyang anak ng Pastor. Member siya ng G2B Boys, kung napanuod niyong ‘Got to believe in magic’ at naabutan niyo yung ‘Ikaw na na na’, siya yung nag-gitara dun. Member din siya ng bandang 4 of spades. Ayon, ayon lamang ang alam ko sakanya. Sikat na siya pero sapat lang hindi ganoon compare dun sa dalawang una. 16 or 17 years old na siya, mga ganoon. At the very young age, nagseserve na siya kay Lord. Basta ang alam ko, he serve Jesus through music. Amazing! December 31, 2014. After kong mag’devotion kaninang umaga, nagiiscroll ako ng news feed sa facebook at ito ang unang unang nabasa ko. As ing- una! hahaha Salubong! Habang binabasa ko to, napaisip ako ‘I feel him’ Hahahah. Ganto rin kasi yung gusto kong ishare ngayong patapos na ang 2014. I HAVE SO MANY MANY MANY FAILURES! I have nothing to be ashamed of. Lahat naman siguro tayo naranasan mag-fail at mag-fall. Paano matututo kung hindi dadaan sa failures, right? Walang exempted! Pero gustung gusto ko sa lyrics ng ‘From the inside out (Everlasting) by Hillsong’ yung A thousand times I’ve failed. Still your mercy remains.” Favorite line. At Favorite na favorite kong sabihin yan every time I failed. I believe that the love that God has for me extends to the heavens. His plans for me are not limited by my failures and mistakes. His grace is sufficient or enough to lift me from this state, and take me to where He wants me to be. I am surrendering to my Lord’s ability and wisdom to get me through this. I quit desperately trying to work everything out on my own. Minsan aasar asarin ka ni satan na, ‘uhhh, uhhh Loser belat! Failure!’ Pero I realized yung mga ganoon di dapat pinakikinggan yon. “JESUS DIED FOR ME!” Yun lang sapat na. Sapat na si Jesus ❤! Kaya sa mga nagui-guilty diyan this 2014 sa mga failures at mistakes nila. God is a forgiving God. It’s time for all of us to repent sa mga kasalanang nagawa natin. Leave your past behind you, and start over. It’s hard to resist the chance at a new beginning. A new way of living and looking at the world. Letting go of old habits, old memories. What’s important is that we never stop believing we can have a new beginning. It’s all because of Jesus who gave His life and love for us. But it’s also important to remember that amid all the crap are a few things really worth holding on to. Failure is inevitable, unavoidable but failure should never get the last word. You have to hold on to what you want. You have to not take no for an answer and take what’s coming to you. Never give in, never give up. Stand up. STAND UP AND TAKE IT! Thanks for inspiring zild! keep fighting for Jesus.

Change… We don’t like it, we fear it. But we can’t stop it from coming. We either adapt to change, or we get left behind. It hurts to grow. Anybody who tells you it doesn’t, is lying. But here’s the truth: Sometimes, the more things change, the more they stay the same. Make a change!

Sobrang amazing lang talaga na makakita ng isang artist/musician na hindi lang basta basta nagpeperform in front of audiences pero yung merong Diyos sa puso nila. Yung tipong kahit sikat sila at madaming umiidulo sakanila still, THEY BRING BACK ALL THE PRAISES AND GLORY TO OUR GOD! Taong hindi nahihiya na ipakita sa lahat ng tao na Mahal nila si God. Sobra lang. Naguumapaw. Yung feeling na ginagawa nila to kasi di na nila ma-contain ang happiness at revelation ni God but hindi nila alam na madaming naiinspire at nacu-curious din kay God at sila ay nagiging instrumento. Sobrang amazing! This coming 2015, Una (Yeng), Surrender everything to God [Bigay mo na lahat lahat kay Lord, wala dapat ititira]. Pangalawa (Gary V.), Be prayerful [Be thankful to Jesus for 365 blessed days]. Pangatlo (Zild), Confess everything to God. “Wag mong kakalimutan that God is a forgiving God. “HIS GRACE AND MERCY ENDURETH FOREVER” (Psalms 100:5).

Even if you’re tired, even if you want to walk away. You don’t. Because you are a pioneer. But nobody ever said it’d be easy.

Grace be with you all,

Sheim 🌙

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Tanggap ko na pero, Ang sakit pa din!

May mga bagay na kahit tanggap mo na, di mo parin mapipigilang masaktan pag naalala mo ulit. Yung pag naaalala mo ulit, maiinis ka, mapapasigaw ka, matutulala ka, mapapakiss ka sa dingding, mapapasplit ka, mapapaumpog yung ulo mo, mapapa’ouch ka, at masasaktan ka talaga.

Pero kahit ano namang drama ang gawin mo, kahit anong pagmumukmok mo, wala na. Hindi mo na mababalik yung oras. Ang kailangan mo na lang gawin ay tanggapin ng tuluyan at ibaon na ito sa lupa. May mga panahon talaga sa buhay natin na kailangan nating tanggapin.

Pero bat’ ang sakit sakit pa din?

Apat na bagay na tanggap ko na pero ang sakit sakit pa din sa tuwing naaalala.

1. HINDI AKO NAKASAMA NG FIRE CAMP

Last month pa inannounce na merong fire camp (youth camp) sa darating na December 28-30. Syempre ang nasa isip ko naman “ay matagal pa naman yun” di muna ako papaalam. Mahaba pa yung panahon kaya sa december na ko magpapaalam. Makakapaghanda pa naman siguro ako non. Nakalipas ang mga ilang araw.. teden! Hala december 25 na, hala december 26 na, hala december 27 na, ay bukas na yun! Hanggang sa ako na mismo yung nagdecide na di na ko makakasama. Aside sa wala akong pambayad. Late na ko nakapagpaalam. Paniguradong di ako papayagan nun lalo na’t kagagling ko lang sa outing at sunud-sunod na pag-alis sa bahay tapos alis ulit, di talaga na ko mapapayagan nun. Sad. Hanggang sa naging december 28, tuluyan na kong di nakapunta ng camp. Nag uumpisa na ang ‘Inggit Factor’ ayoko siyang maramdaman pero yon ang naramdaman ko after the service. Pakiramdam na ‘sana pala nagpaalam ako ng maaga’ Lalo na’t inaasar asar pa ko ng mga minions na ‘de wala wala wag niyo pansinin yan di yan sasama’ Naguiguilty tuloy ako na di ko ginawa yung best ko para makasama. Till’ now nandun pa din yung panghihinayang, Sad.

2. PADALOS-DALOS NA DESISYON

“Ang taong marunong ay makikinig at kukuha ng higit pang turo,” sabi ni Solomon, hari ng sinaunang Israel. Kung minsan, ang karamihan sa atin ay nakagagawa ng di-matatalinong pasiya dahil lamang sa hindi tayo nakinig sa payo ng iba.” — Kawikaan 1:5.

Lahat naman ng bagay pinagdidisyunan, maliit man ito o malaki. Kahit itong pagbasa mo sa post na to, nag desisyon ka rin bago mo to basahin. Hindi mo lang pansin. Ang dali mong mapag-decide no? Isa ata ako dun sa madaling magdesisyon. May mga panahon na padalos dalos akong madesisyon, minsan naman pinagiisipan ko din ito ng mabuti. Pero nararapat na pagisipan muna ang lahat lalo na kung involved ang puso sa pagdedesisyon. Sabi nga nila, ang padalos dalos na desisyon ay minsan nauuwi sa kapahamakan. At malinaw din na sinabi ng Bibliya na: “Ang padalus-dalos ay tiyak na patungo sa kakapusan.”

May mga desisyon na nagdudulot ng mabibigat na kahihinatnan. Samakatuwid, sikaping tiyakin nang patiuna kung ano ang magiging mga kahihinatnan nito. Mag-ingat na hindi ka mabulag sa posibleng di-kanais-nais na pangmatagalang mga resulta dahil sa panandaliang mga pakinabang. “Matalino ang nakakakita ng kapahamakan at nagkukubli, ngunit ang mga walang-karanasan ay dumaraan at daranas ng kaparusahan,” ang babala ng Kawikaan 22:3.

Itong taon na ito (2014), may mga naging desisyon akong padalos dalos. Gusto ko man i-share dito ang mga pagkakataon na iyon pero mas pipiliin ko na lang na i-private iyon. Ang importante sa dulo, Natuto! Lahat naman siguro tayo ay mga momentong ganto. Sa huli, tanggap na natin pero ang sakit sakit pa din. Gawa ng mga consequences na natanggap natin dahil sa padalos-dalos na padedesisyon. Sad. Pero, salamat sa Panginoon, because, “HE’S MERCY AND GRACE STILL REMAINS”

3. NAWALAN AKO NG WALLET

Isa to sa napakasakit na pagkakataon sa isang tao ang MAWALAN ka. Lalo na kung napakahalagang bagay sa’yo nito. Para sa akin, napakahalaga ng wallet, hindi lang dahil sa dito mo nilalagay ang pera mo, ang allowance mo, picture mo (hahahaha), pero sa kadahilanan na ding nandun ang mga ‘remembrances’ na meron ako. I think last last month ata ako nawalan ng wallet. Magkasunod na week ako nawalan. Yung unang wallet na nawala sakin, napakahalaga. Nandun yung mga tickets na inattendan ko, yung gospel card/invitation na unang invite sakin sa CYOD, may lamang P300.00, pictures o remembrance sakin ng mga taong malalapit sakin puso, may cards, ID’s simula nung kinder ako, may mga abububot halo halo. Everyday naiisip ko pa din nawala yung wallet ko, nasasaktan pa din ako. huhuhuhuu. Pero kahit anung ungol ko di na naman yon mababalik. Sad.

4. WALA AKONG NADATNAN SA NUVALI

Ang pinakalast. Dahil pinakalast at recently lang siya. Medyo ouchie pa siya. Fresh na fresh! Tanggap ko na pero sakit pa din. December 22, 2014, pumunta akong nuvali with Bea Samapang, Yap Madronero & Sr. Melchor Ortaleza. Ayon excited na ko. December 21, 2014 pumunta dito si yap pinaalam na ko haha kahit ako yung nagyaya sa kanila. Hanggang sa napayagan na ko. 6PM start nung event hanggang 10PM. So December 22, heto na siya. Maaga pa lang nagdevotion na ko. Imagine isa sa mga 7 big prayer requests ko, masasagot yung isa sa araw na iyon. Kaya excited na excited na ko. Hanggang sa 4:00PM nagprepare na ko. 6:00PM umalis na kami. Byumahe. Kinakabahan ako at the same time, excited na. Yey! Pagdating ayun nakita ko na ay di pala *napasigaw pa ko* wooo! kinakabahan na ko kasi parang wala naman. Baka manghinayang lang ako. Kaya antay pa kami ng ilang oras. Hanggang sa nagdesisyon na kaming umalis na at pumuntang paseo. Naibuhos na lang sa pagkaen. Pero okay lang nagenjoy naman akong nakasama sila. *Sorry, medyo blured.*

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Pero syempre wala naman dapat ituro sa lahat ng ito kung ang sarili mo mismo.

1. Kung nagpaalam sana ako ng maaga at pinagdasal ko ng sobra sobra makakasama sana kong fire camp.

2. Kung pinagisipan ko muna sana ng mabuti.

3. Kung pinaginagatan ko yung wallet ko.

4. Kung inalam ko muna kung may madadatnan ako dun o wala.

Tanggap ko na pero ang sakit sakit pa din! Hehe.

Weekly Post: Chapter 3 (The lost and found)

WEEKLY POST(6)The story of my life has many chapters. One bad chapter doesn’t mean it’s the end of the book.

Sa dami dami dami dami dami dami ng tao dito sa mundo paano ko mahahanap ang nawawala kong wallet? Fresh pain a while ago. I have that feeling na maraming importanteng bagay doon para sa akin. Memories and remembrance? Yung gospel and invitation na unang invite sa akin. Yung id’s, yung tickets. syempre yung allowance. Lahat lahat pati yung wallet na mahal :\, I too much value the things I have and the things that are given to me that’s why it cause me pain. Sunday morning when I lost my wallet. I dunno’ where I misplace it. All I know, that wallet is very important to me. Umaasa akong maibabalik siya. Til’ now, the pain. It won’t go away, today. But the reality too won’t change. It is a decision for me to completely forget what happened and convince myself that it never come back anymore. But I pray, kung sino man may hawak nung wallet na iyon. Lord, touch his/her heart. So I will wake up in the morning bearing the pain of reality because I am in the road of accepting. Wallet lang yun, hindi ko pagpapalit ang gladness ko.

The truth is, I will not blog about this, wallet thinggy-u know. I’m physically tired pero magalak ang aking puso sa pagkapanalo nitong intams. 3 days intrams was a great experience for me. First time ko mag-intrams sa AMA. And I received 3 champions (Table tennis – Single [Women] & Mixed Doubles, Badminton -Single[Women]) All glory belongs to God! One thing I realized, nanalo nga ako. But after all this thing, Inside my heart, may lungkot pa din. This coming saturday, may event sa church. Na dapat nakapaginvite ako instead of playing around, hitting that shuttlecock. Waking up early, doing stretching and waiting for the game. I feel guilt. I feel unsatisfied. I feel sad. Because I feel right now, that it was a wrong way. But, thanks be to God, for His mercy and grace. For He is a forgiving God!

Blessed is he whose transgression is forgiven, Whose sin is covered. Blessed is the man to whom the Lord does not impute iniquity, And in whose spirit there is no deceit. (Psalms 32:1-2, NIV)

Sa kabila ng lahat ng ito, saya sa pagkapanalo at lungkot sa biglang pagkawala, Still, PRAISE GOD! Maybe now, I’ll start another chapter. Move on. I am seeking always to have a start because I want to forget things I’ve done in a wrong way. But it is supposed to be like that? Forgetting what is behind and run like you had never carried faults in your life?

Do we really need to forget? Because at some point, sometimes, I see sweetness in pain. I see a charm in tears that have fallen. Looking back, thou’ it was a mess and unattractive, it is the reason I appreciate where I am and what I have today.

Mistakes, pains, and hardships are the ones we  mostly want to forget. But it is all the ones that  make us to keep going. We  keep trying harder, we keep fighting, we keep running, and we keep making things in proper order to rebuild things rightly. It  helps us to create our trace in this world. So that at the end of our lives we can say to ourselves, “My Life isn’t lifeless at all!” 

At the  end of  the  day I realize it is not about everything that happened. It is about the time I am always looking at. I am still that girl who thinks that time is always running out. I still put comfort in fast-paced and never want to see things slowly or in its regularity. Still, every time I fell to the ground, & every time I fail, still God’s mercy remains. Failure and success are both the possible endings of every season in my life.

In failure, I truly learn my weaknesses and things I cannot do next time. In success, I learn my strengths, the things I can and qualities I have that I can use again. And in both, I experience the mercy, grace and love of God. It is like learning the advantages and disadvantages of things around me.

What matters for me is the journey and not the ending. Endings are just bonus where I can say “Yeheyyyy! Finally, tapos na.” or “Wow! It is awesome! I want to do it again!” And in every journey I am in naman there’s only one thing that is always being point up. It is GOD IS IN ME, GOD IS WITH ME & GOD IS FOR ME and there’s always a next chapter with Him. I was lost for a week but now I am found again. More grace more love.

When do I ever learn? I am always like this and makes me forget to enjoy things  at a time. I am greedy to have it all at once not realizing that one present a day is equal to unceasing happiness than getting and unwrapping the gifts at  one once and not having anything tomorrow. 

I know that I have to go back. I do not know where to find what I am losing because I don’t also know what specifically I have lost. But if there’s one thing I am sure of right now, it is the want to write the way I used to. To find the softness again. To go back.

Balik laban!

Life is a battle and a race. A battle with God’s enemy and a race where winner does not mean you are the fastest but the strongest and the one who really perseveres. Because the race I am talking about is not just an ordinary one, it is a race where  you are risking it all for your faith.

Right now, I feel better. I find comfort because of- JESUS ♥

My Prayer:

Remember your word to your servant, in which you have made me hope. This is my comfort in my affliction, that your promise gives me life. The insolent utterly deride me, but I do not turn away from your law. (Psalms 118:49-51, ESV)

I will not give up. Because You trust me in this. You want me in this. Paul found joy in suffering, I should have too. Because we both have You. In this moment where I gave up myself planning for my future, I can only say Your Name and nothing more. Lord, your grace is sufficient in my weakness.

Weekly Post: Chapter 1 (Remind yourself)

WEEKLY POSTThese past few days I was struggling on what to write, how to write, and should I really write about it at all. I miss how I write the words in a brighter way. How I often type them while seeing the happiness side of life. I miss to entangle my random thoughts and insights and find hopeful me. Not the abandonment.
Writing is already part of my life pero bakit ganun? Pansin ko ang notebook ko eh walang pagbabago. Maging ang journal ko umunti na rin ang sulat. Pati ata mga notes ko sa school nababawas-bawasan na rin umaasa na lang sa mga pictures na inuupload ng mga classmates ko sa group. Malala pa, nilalangaw na rin ang blog ko dito maging sa tumblr for a few months. Pansin ko din na di na nababawasan ang mga sticky notes ko.
Ang dami kong napapansin. Pansin ko lang ang ganda ko pa din hahaha. College days. The most dreading season of studying. I became too busy to actually find time to talk with my friends. But now I realize it isn’t just about the talk. It is the presence of myself to be with them, to bond with them and to inspire them.
May mga bagay na akong nalilimutang gawin pero sa kabila ng lahat,

I can do all this through Him who gives me strength. (Philippians 4:13)

Minsan kailangan mo lang talaga i-remind ang sarili mo sa mga promises ni Lord.

It is true somehow that you’d never appreciate college days. Because at this point, I’m  not having  a good sleep. Doing studying chapters of lessons/modules and reading notes. It’s just the beginning. 1st yr. palang ika-nga ng iba. But for now, this is the road that I’ve been entering for 6 months and I’m really determined to be the best as I can, hindi lang maging ordinary student pero maging extraordinary student with distinction.
It is not just actually about writing. Part of me has this season of maturing, particularly of being a woman which is somehow connected about how I put my random thoughts and insights on paper. But also, I would like to write my weekly daily here. I just realize now that my whole identity revolves on dreaming, unending thinking, and writing . It is funny, somehow. Instead of studying today, I’m wasting my time thinking and thinking and thinking on what to do. harhar!
Monday is our midterm. God Bless!

Wear your confidence!

WEAR YOUR CONFIDENCE! (AMA Mr. & Ms. Freshmen 2014)

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Therefore do not throw away your confidence, which has a great reward. For you have need of endurance, so that when you have done the will of God you may receive what is promised. (Hebrews 10:35-36 ESV)

Never in my dreams would I have thought about joining a pageant or any contest related to beauty or what. No wait, scratch that off. Never in my dreams would I even imagine myself ramping at the stage in front of many people. like woah. I was not like the other young pretty girls stands in their won sash and tiara in their room. And yeah, I was blessed to walk across the stage wearing this CONFIDENCE that came from God.

Speaking of CONFIDENCE. That was the question on Q & A Portion. (An unexpected Q&A Portion)

How will you compare your confidence compare to other contestants?

Hahaha. Sorry I don’t even remember the answer that I said. I just said whats in my heart and mind. lol, I don’t even know what I’m saying in front of many people. <like woah. do I look embarrassing?> But I remember a lil’bit of it. I said – I can say that I have more confidence than the other contestants because I already ask God for a Confidence & for wisdom. I already catch the confidence to face in front of all of you. And blah blah blah.

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The first thing that comes in my mind is I think God has a purpose why He let me to join with this. At the very first place, I don’t really want to join at Mr. & Ms. Freshmen 2014. But I have no choice; my classmates already listed down my name. And I was like Me? Me? Me? Ayaw ayaw ayaw! I was so self-pity that time, I was thinkin’ that I’m not beautiful. I’m chubby. I don’t want to wear dresses. I don’t want make-ups. I can’t walk like a real model. I’m not good in proper posture. I don’t want those things. Because I know I’m not really called for that. Ever since, I don’t join any competition like that. But when Sir Sibayan already push me to join in. I was OK. Let’s try! I know God will never let me down. He will never put me in this competition just to have fun like wala lang. I know He has a purpose.

And definitely yes, I realize that because of that it allows me to boost up my self-confidence. Honestly, sometimes I don’t have a confidence. It helps me a lot all within a competitive atmosphere. That was the struggle that I’ve been experiencing right now, and that’s why God really use that Mr. & Ms. Freshmen 2014 to make me realize that Confidence is very important. I realize it when I’m about to answer at Q & A portion. I was able to handle the blow on my confidence and self-esteem. My mind said “I’m the daughter of God, then I’m beautiful and I’m intelligent” Kaya ko to! That’s why I hit that Q&A portion with full of confidence. Oha oha oha!

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Participating in this and having a strong self-image can often go hand in hand. It’s a wonderful experience. I think the very best part about my Mr. & Ms. Freshmen experience so far is that it has given me a chance to be heard on something that is very important to me. And that is my GOD. (When I’m about to answer at Q&A portion) I was able to tell everyone that my God is the one who gives me confidence! “SI Lord lang po yung tangi kong maipagmamalaki sa inyo”

Everything you do, DO IT ALL FOR THE GLORY OF GOD! I believe that everything happens a while ago is because of His mercy and goodness in my life. For all the skills, talents, wisdoms, strengths, knowledge and yea confidence is come from our King of all kings. Praise God for that!

So we can confidently say, “The Lord is my helper; I will not fear; what can man do to me?” (Hebrews 13:ESV)

The right winner wins at the right time”. That was the first time I joined a competition like that but I won. It’s really a wonderful feeling. I was not that expecting much. But early in the morning I do my devotion. And I was about to pray to God to help me. And when we already ramp I was praying na ‘Lord, wag po sana ko madapa’ hahahaha. Isn’t funny? And grabe, so init talaga. And the crowd was about to shout-out their bets. After doing that ramp and Q&A portion. It’s time for awarding. While calling the other winners. I was like ohw, mukhang waley ako ah. Hehehe, After announcing the 2nd runner up and 1st runner up, last na, champion. Mr. Freshmen 2014 – #9 oh oh oh oh. Si Jef yun ah. Last na talaga. I was about to pray; Lord, Lord, Lord, favor favor favor. Tuuugdugtuuugduuuug. Ms. Freshmen 2014 – #9 Woaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! Like woaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! Me? Me? Seriously? Until I got on stage I was still shocked. Woooooooooah grabe! The crowd was shouting phelpsi, baby phelps. Wawahhh! Hahahaha. And while walking upstairs, I was shouting THANK YOU LORD! And after getting my sash and prize, I was shouting GLORY TO GOD. Expect the unexpected. Grabe! How I could I imagine that? I’m such a blessed girl here :”>

God was the one who brought me in this kind of competition to honor Him and to glorify Him in any way that He wanted and for that I want to give a Big Big Thank you to God. All praises, glory, honor and adoration to Him!! Para kay Lord to!!

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This pageant really got the gears in my mind turning and I began to think, “What really defines beauty?” Is it clothes from overrated retailers like Abercrombie & Fitch, Hollister, Candies, Folded and Hung or Forever 21? Is it faces trapped in a mask of unnatural make-up? Is it obtaining a body that resembles a beanpole?

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For me, No. It’s not. What honestly defines beauty is one’s personality. One’s attitude. One’s true self. One’s heart. PUSO BAGO MUKHA! Hehehe. Amazing pageant contestants are the one who put a smile on face, let out a laugh, and have a little fun. Because that is, and always will be, the definition true beauty. Speaking of putting a smile on your face hahaha, a while ago, I told jef “Sakit na ng panga ko tagal ngumiti” Hahaha. Just wear your big big smile girls. Wear a smile on your lips as often as you can, learn to smile, smile when you say hello to people, learn to find something to smile about, when you become conscious of this, it will be a surprise to you to find that there are more things to smile about than to frown about. A smile brightens up your day and makes someone else feel much better, you can never go wrong with a smile. For a true beauty queen, it’s not about the title, or the crown or attention; it’s about the experience. It’s about feeling beautiful and knowing even when you don’t win, you have never felt more beautiful than you did that night. It’s about making new friends, it’s about learning style, grace, poise and how to speak in front of people. In the end if nothing else, you take away from the experience a greater sense of self-worth and accomplishment. That is a pretty great prize.

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10422561_791071087591233_7932283463569086583_nNaturally I would have been beyond nervous, but much to my surprise.  And also very freeing to show them who am I. I was happy to present me — just the way I am, and just the way God made me. I am glad to have taken the experience. 

So much for now. Thank you, God. Thank you for the Grace. Thank you for those people who help me to make over <esp. Liriel Alferez> and for those who cheer me! Thanks CA! Thanks Vikings!

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You are altogether beautiful, my love; there is no flaw in you. (Song of Solomon 4:7 ESV)

Tiaras! Walk in with confidence!

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