19 things I’ve learned in 19 years

Since I turned 19, I want to share some of my learning throughout my year. I have learned more than these 19 lessons in my 19 years on earth. But I could only sum up everything into these 19. Take time to read this, I tried to make it shorter.

  1. Everything happens for a reason.

Everything that happens in this world happens at the time God chooses. (Ecclesiastes 3:1, GNT)

Madaming ganap at pangyayari simula ng naging ganap na dalaga na ako. Yung saya at lungkot andiyan na yan e. Nasasayo na lang kung ano pipiliin mo. One thing is all I know, “Everything has a purpose according to God’s plan”. May rason yan! Hindi sa lahat ng pagkakataon aayon sa mga gusto mo ang lahat ng mga nangyayari sa buhay mo.  Hindi palaging nasa taas ka, hindi rin palaging nasa baba ka. Hindi parating okay lang lahat. But then, it’s always a matter of CHOICE.

I must confess, I undergo to one of the painful decision in my life when I stepped on being 18. I must admit, those were aching and tough moments. Natagalan din akong tanggapin ang mga bagay-bagay non. I didn’t see it coming, if I knew I should’ve prepared for it. Sometimes, it’s hard to accept the things you didn’t expect to happen. It’s one of the hardest part in the healing process; ACCEPTANCE. Maraming oras na napatanong ako ng “Why did this happen to me?” o “Bakit ko pa kailangan daanan to?” Ang daming tanong sa isip ko na hindi masagot-sagot. But, It always lead me to 4 words “Everything happens for a reason”. And I believe, God has better plans for me. And it keeps me going! There are better times for that ‘thing’ to happen. Trust GOD, good or bad? It’s a lesson and the trip happened for a reason.

  1. Step outside of my comfort zone.

I will lead the blind along an unfamiliar way; I will guide them down paths they have never traveled. I will turn the darkness in front of them into light, and level out the rough ground. This is what I will do for them. I will not abandon them. (Isaiah 42:16, NET Bible)

Lately, I have been challenging myself to step outside of my comfort zone. Amazing things have happened. I’m one of a kind of person that is driven by fear of failure. Kaya, sometimes I always make sure na magiging successful ang result. Takot gawin to, takot gawin yan. Baka di ko magawa, baka mag-fail lang, nahihiya ako, di ko rin kaya yan, di ako magaling sa ganyan.

Lemme’ share you something… Mahiyain po ako in front of many crowds, hindi ko kayang magsalita sa harap dahil feeling ko wala kong masasabi parati or feeling ko di naman ako magaling magsalita. (I’m sure walang maniniwala but for those people who really knows me. Who knew me behind the preparation of every speech, I’m sure you know what I mean.) Sobrang kabado po talaga ako. Pag napipili po ko magsalita sa harap madalas tumatanggi yung bibig ko pero gusto naman talaga ng heart ko. It just “it takes a lot of courage for me to speak in front of many people”. Another thing, hindi ko din kaya mapag-isa. Hindi ko kaya kumaen alone. Hindi ko kaya bumili ng something ng magisa. Kahit saan ako pumunta nagpapasama pa ako noon.  Isa talaga to sa naging achievement para sakin, yung maovercome ko na ang di magpasama parati. Babaw ba? Hehe.

Sabi nga ni Max DePree, “We cannot become what we want to be by remaining what we are.”

When I started to step outside my comfort zone many new oppurtinities came. I discover new abilities and strengths I thought I never had. Pag hindi mo talaga triny yung mga bagay na uncomfortable ka at paulit-ulit ka lang dun sa mga bagay na master mo na, you won’t grow. Try mo muna kasi. Instead of saying I can’t, say ‘I can.’. Get out of the box. Try new things. New foods, new adventures, new skills. Make it new everyday! God makes all things new. (Revelation 21:5)

If you just stay there and sit, you will gain nothing, apart from more fear of the unknown and more worries of all the things you don’t have or have never done.

  1. Always give my best shot.

Whatever you do, do well. For when you go to the grave, there will be no work or planning or knowledge or wisdom. (Ecclesiastes 9:10, NLT)

Madalas ko tong sabihin sa sarili ko simula ng tumungtong ako sa third-year level ngayong college. Di naman talaga maitatanggi na may mga mahihirap na subjects. Meron akong subject last semester ang hirap niya po talaga mapapa-HUHU ka.  Matinding dasalan tuwing exam, board exam nga daw ika-nila. (Hi comscie’s, you know what I mean) Kailangan mong mag exert ng maraming effort para maabot ang goal mo. Ilang kape sa isang araw ang kailangan mo para lang magising ka sabay habang nainom ng kape sisigaw ka pa ng “laban lang! wooh” hahaha, nakakatawa man pero, ginagawa ko to. Try niyo din effective po.

Bata pa lang ako tinatak ko na at binaon ko na sa aking puso’t isipan na “gagawin mo na lang din yung isang bagay, bigay mo na yung pinakabest mo. Mag-aaral ka na lang din naman, galingan mo na, make it on top!” It was my motivation every now and then.

I remember one of the meeting in digisciples. Ate Zy Bambico told us ‘Kung ano yung role mo at kung saan ka nilagay ni Lord, dapat ikaw yung pinakamagaling doon. Kung floor director ka, dapat ikaw yung pinakamagaling na floor director. Kung designer ka, dapat ikaw yung pinakamagaling na designer.’

Put all your effort into everything you do. If you’re okay with putting in half the effort, you better be okay with half the results. If you want the best then give your best shot. Ayos ba yon? Go girl!

  1. Hard work pays off!

With all this going for us, my dear, dear friends, stand your ground. And don’t hold back. Throw yourselves into the work of the Master, confident that nothing you do for Him is a waste of time or effort. (1 Corinthians 15:58, MSG)

Every semester, “worth it! talaga”. Everytime I see my name on dean’s lister, I always says ‘hard work pays off!’. Di sayang lahat ng effort basta you give all credit to GOD. Malinaw sayo kung bakit mo pa kailangan laanan ng oras at panahon ang isang bagay. Everything is to give glory to our God. Mapa-saang aspeto man yan. Ang mga challenges andyan na yan e, sometimes it won’t be fun trying to get there, sometimes you will feel the tiredness and you’ll want to give up. But, if you keep going on, in the end, it’s all worth it. Goals are attainable if you put in the effort to achieve them.

You don’t remember the struggle or pain to get there, you remember how awesome it feels once you succeed and you already get there. You are more than conquerors, kaya tapusin mo na hanggang dulo. Ngayon pa ba?

  1. Sing it out.

A Psalm. O sing to the LORD a new song, For He has done wonderful things, His right hand and His holy arm have gained the victory for Him. (Psalm 98:1, NASB)

I know that I’m not a good singer but, I can sing. Like everyone else, all of us can sing. Yun nga lang hindi lahat gifted ng magandang boses and I’m one of them. But, no one can stop us from belting out some tunes. Sing your heart out! Even if you’re out of tune. I believe it’s about your heart and it’s not about your good voice. Kaya, may mga boses na alam mo yun, yung ramdam na ramdam mo, may hugot mula sa kailaliman eh. Because, singing is breathing for the soul. It’s something that you can express and say. On key, or off key, okay lang yan. It’s good for the soul.

Sometimes, we also have to consider what we sing. Kasi, kung ano yung kinakanta natin yun din ang usually na dinedeclare natin over our lives. Much better if we sing praises for the LORD. so He can feel your love for Him. Siya yung pagkinantahan mo di lang nasatisfy yung soul mo. Pero, pag kinantahan mo Siya, aside sa napangiti mo na Siya at na-glorify mo Siya, you are also acknowledging and inviting His presence and it will empower and strengthen you more. Often times, we think only of singing when we’re happy and we just feel a good times, but singing is not just that, it brings spiritual strength as well. Read Acts 16. Paul and Silas are persecuted and suffered unjustly imprisoned for the sake of the Gospel, and what do they do while they’re in prison? Sing! (Acts 16:25) Even in suffering, ikanta mo lang yan bes!

  1. Show appreciation for everything.

But we request of you, brethren, that you appreciate those who diligently labor among you, and have charge over you in the Lord and give you instruction. (1 Thessalonians 5:12, NASB)

O’ kay sarap magappreciate ng tao. The smallest gestures of appreciation and love from people around you would really mean a lot to them, minsan hindi lang natin alam. Pero everyone deserves to be appreciated. Hindi lang pag may okasyon. Hindi lang po masarap maappreciate ng iba pero, I realized na minsan mas masarap pa yung ikaw yung magaappreciate, we don’t even know what’s the impact of that to the person you appreciated. It can be as simple as “I appreciate your *tell him/her what’s good to him/her”. Just a simple compliment will make them feel loved. Do nice things for others. Kung hindi keri iappreciate ng personal, pwede mo naman siyang sulatan just to appreciate him/her, there is nothing more satisfying and heartwarming than putting a smile on someone else’s face. Be a blessing to other through appreciating them.

Take time every day to initiate random acts of kindness. Be kind to others, you don’t know what they’re going through. You can appreciate a person in many different ways sometimes, you also have to figure out his/her love language. “Do good and feel good.”

  1. Learn to forgive.

Take heed to yourselves. If your brother sins against you, rebuke him; and if he repents, forgive him. And if he sins against you seven times in a day, and seven times in a day returns to you, saying, ‘I repent,’ you shall forgive him. (Luke 17:3-4, NKJV)

Well, natural talagang may makakasakit at makakasakit sayo. People will fail you. (but God will not). People are going to hurt you your entire life but forgiveness is not based on other people’s treatment to you but on your own attitude and decision. Last year, there was this person who hurt me (medyo bonnga), and I can’t explain the feelings I felt at first because I’ve never felt them before in my life. Yung ganong ka-O.A. Yes, I felt betrayed, discouraged, bitterness, hurt, pissed and many many more. But, after a month, I was able to forgive that person after all the process I’ve done, it doesn’t happen in a day, process talaga! Pero dapat faster ka din mag-process bawal slowmo, kasi the more mong pinapatagal the more mo lang sinasaktan at sinasaktan ang puso mo. After all the dramas na ‘why you do this to me?’, when I really forgave that person from deep inside of my heart, natanggal yung mga tinik eh, all the emotions that normally stirred no longer existed.

Forgiveness is the key to move forward. You cannot be stuck with anger and resentment forever but also acknowledge that healing takes time. Choose to move forward. – Ptra. Lovely Santiago

Yes, I can’t forget what that person did, It is hard to look at someone the same after they have done wrong to you. How do you forgive the person that caused you too much pain? Ano yun pagtapos ng lahat, limot mo na, nauntog lang? Syempre, hindi ganon yun. But I just decided to let go, and I choose forgiveness. You can’t forget but, you can forgive! I also realize that I have hurt a lot of people too (tao lang rin nasasaktan at nakakasakit) and I deserve forgiveness just as much as the next person. Everyone deserves forgiveness regardless of how bigger the offense is. God always forgives, so why can’t we?

  1. The older you get, the friendships are to maintain.

A man with many friends can still be ruined, but a true friend sticks closer than a brother. (Proverbs 18:24, ISV)

Sobrang naging mahalaga talaga sa akin ang quality time for every friendship that I had. I believe it’s one of the important thing that a friendship could have; yung oras. At yun yung way para mamaintain ang isang friendship. We all need friendships? right? Meron bang kayang mabuhay mag-isa? or rephrase na lang natin meron bang nabuhay sa mundo na automatic solo na siya? Wala naman di ba? Pero, as we getting older mahirap naman talaga imaintain ang friendship lalo na kung ‘hindi mo sasadyain na iwork-out to’. Sinasadya din yan! Graduating student in college, they’re a lot more work compare to last sems’s sched. But, I always make sure to have time for my friends. Because, I believe that’s the best love that you can offer to your friends, a quality time. I don’t want to make an excuse that I’m busy. Kasi, ‘pag mahal mo, lalaanan mo ng oras’. I-maintain ang friendship. It’s the best treasure that you can have.

Many find their significant others. Some of the people will be okay with the way you communicate and keep in touch, and others won’t. Friendships can also hurt you. But then, it’s important to realize we all lead busy lives, so showing your friends grace when they don’t meet your expectations is also an important thing to keep in mind.

There are also friends who won’t stay. But, will remind us to focus on the awesome people who stayed with us as opposed to focusing on the person who left. We, as humans, have a tendency to focus on what’s left, but the grass is not always greener on the other side. When you take a minute to think about the people in your life, you realize that you are too blessed with these people.

  1. Stay encouraged.

When you go through deep waters, I will be with you. When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown. When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not be burned up; the flames will not consume you. (Isaiah 43:2, NLT)

Madami talagang pagkakataon na gustong nakawin ang joy mo at ididiscourage ka ng ididiscourage talaga but, it’s always a wise thing to stay encourage! Ikaw lang din ang talo pag nagpadiscourage ka. Strain forward to what lies ahead.

So lemme’ share you somethin’… I was invited to one of the largest event for the web. (can only explain the further details in personal message) I must admit that I felt that I’m not for that, I’m not good at it and I’m not fit for that. I have a lot of *gusto-ko-ng-lumubog-sa-lupa moments* that time. There’s this one person there who was about to discourage me and tells me a lot of things. Na-na-na-na. I honestly felt discouraged. But then, it suddenly reminds me that I should stay encourage. When you go through deep waters, God says ‘I will be with you’. Deep waters can symbolizes fields. Kung saang field ka man ni Lord nilagay ngayon, God is with you. You have nothing to be feared. There’s no reason for you to be discourage because, everyone has their own great qualities, great skills, great abilities and capabilities about themselves, and sometimes some people’s progress, and going to the next step takes a bit longer than others, but never be and let others discourage on how slow a progress you are making. Just keep going! Sabi nga ni dory, ‘just keep swimming, just keep swimming’. Have continual progress that is not stopping and just do your best. Always look forward in life.

May time na magfafail ka talaga but, the sign of failure means that you are trying. Nobody is a failure. You might fail at doing somethings, but never make that into a weakness. And it will never be your identity. Failure means success in the long run. Stay encourage! *tap yourself on the back.*

  1. You’ re not living for yourself alone.

Jesus said, “The first in importance is, ‘Listen, Israel: The Lord your God is one; so love the Lord God with all your passion and prayer and intelligence and energy.’ And here is the second: ‘Love others as well as you love yourself.’ There is no other commandment that ranks with these.” (Mark 12:30-31, MSG)

This month of february, it’s my everyday prayer to God na ‘Lord, enlarge my heart. I want to love more people’. Love one another by extending a helping hand also. It is so rewarding to show someone compassionate and kindness. I think everyone deserves to have that kind of feeling, to love and to be loved.

You also need a discipleship group or a faith group to grow in all area of your life. And to experience a godly love from one another. Remember you’re not living for yourself alone. Even Jesus doesn’t lived Himself alone. Want to join a discipleship group? Attend Sunday Service at Faithful Jesus Church at SM Muntinlupa Cinema 3, Tagalog Service: 9:30 AM and English Service: 10:40 AM. Someone will approach you there to join a small group. See you there!

  1. Don’t be afraid to try again.

But as for you, be strong and do not give up, for your work will be rewarded. (2 Chronicles 15:7, NIV)

Because I’m afraid to feel that again, to happen that again because of the same reason, I’m scared that I would make the same decisions which have caused me severe regrets, pain and self-pity. Hindi naman porket nagkamali ka ng isang beses eh ayaw mo na agad, ayaw mo na ulit magtry. Don’t let a hard lesson harden your heart. Every failures should be treat as a lesson. Nagkamali ka hindi para ulitin ulit. But, it will mold you to become a better person. You will become wiser if you encounter thiings like this. Lahat naman tayo may pagkakamali but it is not our identity. Bumagsak man, nadapa man, don’t be afraid to try again! Trust people again, take risks, don’t bury yourself again too deep. But, be wise to handle everything.

  1. Dogs are man’s bestfriend.

A friend is always loyal, and a brother is born to help in time of need. (Proverbs 17:17, NLT)

For those who followed me on instagram and use to checked my ig stories, you know definitely about this. Dati talaga hindi ako mahilig sa dogs. Takot pa nga ko sakanila para kasing ang sakit sakit pag kinagat ka nila. Pero, nung dumating si Shelby (my pet’s name) sa buhay ko, blessing talaga! As-in! Mapa-anong weather kaibigan mo talaga siya at kaibigan ka talaga niya. Tipong galing ka from school, galing ka from OJT, pagod and all pero everyday sasalubungin ka niya, lalambingin ka niya, nakakawala talaga ng pagod. Aside sa stress reliever siya sayo, comforter din. One time nung pumunta ako sa room ko ng naiyak pinuntahan ako ni Shelby, nung time na yun ramdam na ramdam ko na nararamdaman niya yung nararamdaman ko, inakyat niya pa ko sa kama tapos yung mahimas mo lang yung dog mo feeling comforted ka na. Dama niya din kapag malungkot ka, mapa-anong season man yan. Masaya ka, malungkot ka, alam mong nandiyan lang siya. Indeed, my dog is a great blessing for me! Hindi complete ang 19th ko kung wala si Shelby.

  1. Busyness is a choice.

But Martha was distracted by the big dinner she was preparing. She came to Jesus and said, “Lord, doesn’t it seem unfair to you that my sister just sits here while I do all the work? Tell her to come and help me.” But the Lord said to her, “My dear Martha, you are worried and upset over all these details! (Luke 10:40-41, NLT)

If we read the whole story it symbolizes a great example of the consequences of busyness. We rush around doing “what needs to be accomplish,” while missing the glimpses of Jesus all around us and spend time with our love ones because, we are too busy to do a lot of things. Let us all allow ourselves to take it easy for a while. Now if you know me personally, you will know I am a ‘doer’. It’s in my nature to do a lot of different things and try different things as well, nabobored ako kapag hindi busy. Kaya, bata pa lang ako hilig ko na talaga sumali ng mga organizations or clubs sa school. Aligaga sa ganto, sa ganyan plus isasabay sa aral. Stressful naman talaga at overwhelming. It was really hard. But, I realize that sometimes busyness doesn’t help me anymore, mas lalo lang akong nagiging lituhin at nawawala yung quality sa bawat works. And because of this, I challenged myself. Magkaiba kasi yung busy ka sa productive. Kapag productive ka, from the word PRODUCT, ibig sabihin may naproproduce ka, may output. Pero, pag busy ka hindi automatic na productive ka. Magkaiba yun.

Sometimes we just have to manage, organize and find a way through a particularly exhausting tasks. Relax ka lang! Wag mo masyadong i-pressure ang mga bagay-bagay. Especially for those who have their thesis. Alam naman natin gaano kalaking oras ang kinakaen sa atin ng pag-gawa ng thesis? Ako po, from Monday to Thursday may OJT ako sa IFE Elevators Philippines. It takes 1 and half hour from here to Madrigal Alabang. Depende pa yun. Kasi ang hirap sumakay ng umaga. Makikipag-gitgitan ka talaga. 8A.M pasok ko hanggang 5P.M then paguwi naman yun yung time ko para i-check yung mga dapat namang gawin sa school. Time to review, time to take online quizzes, time to do my thesis. Pag friday naman pumupunta akong school yun na lang kasi yung time na makapagpacheck ng papers and all. 1P.M ng friday may cell group naman ako sa AMA Senior high then 4P.M pupunta akong church para mag CYOD-Wise Kids naman haggang 9P.M ako sa church ng friday. Then, saturday talaga yung pinaka klase ko simula 8A.M hanggang 5P.M after class dederetso naman akong church para i-meet yung disciples ko and umaasang maabutan pa ang CYOD. Ang sunday naman 8:30A.M ang call time namin sa digisciples. Of course, it’s sabbath day, time to worship GOD, time to serve people and after sunday service mentoring naman with my mentor after naman non, I have to bond with my family. In all of this, I don’t want to label myself as a busy person. But, I want to count myself as a productive person. Chinallenge ko talaga yung sarili ko ng bonggang bongga na “yes, graduating student ako. But, it will never be my excuse to love GOD and to love people.” Busyness is a choice. Make time for everything!

  1. Anxiety doesn’t help you.

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4:6-7, NLT)

Anxiety does not define me. Isa talaga sa mga nagiging alalahin ko taon-taon, monthly-monthly, basta every semester. Walang iba kundi ang mahiwaga kong scholar. Maapprove ba o hindi, matatagalan ba o hindi, makakaexam ba ko o hindi. Laging nakabingit sa katotohanan ang peg ko every examination sa school. And I have to always remind myself that God is in control over everything so I don’t have to worry about it. If you have always been so incredibly self-conscious about your anxiety, leave it to GOD. Most of the time, it’s a test of faith. You will realize that anxiety will only affect you as much as you allow it to.

  1. Cherish your parents.

Honor your father and mother, as the LORD your God commanded you. Then you will live a long, full life in the land the LORD your God is giving you. (Deuteronomy 5:16, NLT)

Ever since, my parents are my priorities. And it should be maintained. Spend time with them, watch a movie with them, stroll with them, keep them updated, talk to them about your everyday, because parents really like that. Treat them with love and care. Minsan mas close pa tayo sa mga kaibigan natin pero try to reach out your parents, you can talk to them anytime. The more na kinukwentuhan natin sila, the more nabuibuild ang relationship. Parents are your bestfriends also. Keep yourself close to them and show them that you love them so much.

  1. Quality always wins in the end.

Then Jesus told his disciples, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. (Matthew 16:24, ESV)

If you are about to build anything that is successful in the long term (mapa-business man yan, mapa-discipleship, mapa-pagaaral) you need to focus on ‘quality’. One of the great example of first quality that Jesus mentions is that a true disciple “denies himself”. Para magkaroon ng quality sa lahat ng bagay, there is something that you have to suffer. Si Jesus hindi nagfocus sa quantity, nagfocus Siya sa quality. Kasi, pag nagfocus ka sa quality kasunod na nun ang quantity. Invest in things that focuses on delivering quality and being the best, then it will prosper in the long run, too.

  1. Sleeping early is good for the health.

In vain you rise early and stay up late, toiling for food to eat– for He grants sleep to those He loves. (Psalm 127:2, NIV)

Ito talaga isa sa mga chinallenge ko sa sarili ko. If you know me, alam mong nocturnal person talaga ako at hirap na hirap talaga ako makatulog noon. I’m worried at staying up all hours of the night, but I have found, lately, that sleep is very important. When I started to have a proper sleep and have a good night sleep, it helps me function throughout the day. Sleeping early is really good for the health + you know, we all need a little bit of beauty sleep. It’s a gift from God.

  1. True joy lies in the act of giving.

A generous person will prosper; whoever refreshes others will be refreshed. (Proverbs 11:25, NIV)

We all know how great it feels to receive gifts. But, as I grow older I realize that it feels better to give rather than to receive. Our lives are richer when we give and that great ‘inner joy’ comes from reaching out other through their needs. Truly, the more you give from the heart, the more your life fills with joy, lots of happines and nourishes your soul. You attract the blessings that is coming from the Lord, whenever you bless other people in different ways.

 A Chinese proverb says: “If you always give, you will always have.”

  1. I am choosen. (period-no erase).

But you are not like that, for you are a chosen people. You are royal priests, a holy nation, God’s very own possession. As a result, you can show others the goodness of God, for he called you out of the darkness into his wonderful light. (1 Peter 2:9, NLT)

January 23, 2017, it was last month, I felt that I’m not chosen that time. May pili-factor na naganap between me and another person. Di lang pala felt, suddenly, hindi pala talaga ako napili. Syempre, sad yun. Kahit sino naman siguro ayaw yung feeling na hindi siya mapili. Mapa-contest, mapa-best awardees, mapa-relationship. But, we have to accept it in the end. Of  course, we all want to be choose, but not all the time you’ll be choose by someone. Minsan mapipili ka, minsan hindi din. Pero, si Lord pag pinili ka, pinili ka na talaga. Wala ng atrasan yun! Ang malupet pa dun si Lord pag pumili hindi bumabase sa galing mo, mas ginagamit pa ni Lord yung mga ordinary na tao to do extraordinary things for His glory alone! Habang dito sa mundo pinipili kung sino magaling, kung sino ganto at kung sino yung ganyan pero, si Lord hindi ganon. Kaya, pag si LORD ang pumili sayo, humanda ka kasi kakaiba yun more than people who chose you in this temporary world. I remember that day, I told to Him, “Lord, hindi man ako yung napili neto, pinili Mo naman po ako” and I just pour it out to God. Just imagine, King of all kings, Lord of all lords, pinili ka! sinong hindi maamaze nun? Yung ‘chosen’ na word hindi yun base sa mga tao dito sa mundo pero yung description mong ‘I am chosen by God’ it will lasts eh. And that’s what matters to me most.

🌸🌸🌸

As you can see some of the stories there are like *reserved words* (still working on that), but if you want to get to know me more, I love to do it personally. The process of learning is never-ending, but I hope you did learn something from what I wrote. I would really love to tell more experiences of mine and the stories behind every lesson that I had. You can connect with me at my social media accounts:

Facebook | Twitter | Instagram

💌: blessedsheim@gmail.com

 

18 Years of Existence

Image result for 18th birthday pinterest

It’s already 12:00 in the morning, February 27, 2016.

I officially turned 18 years old. Hello legal age!

Happy 18th birthday to me! Praise God for another chapter of my life!

Of course, it will be a long day ahead of me. I have no idea what will happen later. No plans at all. But, I just give it all to God.

My 18 years of existence is such a great life! Especially, when I started to have an intimacy relationship with Christ, life with Him is truly the best. Though there a lot of failures, mistakes, pains, difficulties and hardships, it is all the ones that make me to keep going. I keep trying harder and keep making things in proper order to rebuild things rightly. But then, it’s not by might, nor by power, but by His Spirit. I may not be perfect but His grace is more than enough.

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. (2 Corinthians 12:9, NIV)

18 years of existence, full of ups and downs and lessons and twists and turns and happiness! Truly, I will be forever grateful to our God, to my family, relatives, mentor, leaders, friends, churchmates, of course for without them I won’t be who exactly am today. I love you all.

I’m super blessed, grateful and happy to have experienced another year and looking forward to what’s coming up.

Proverbs 9:11 • Lord, no word could describe how thankful I am for everything You’ve done in my life.

XO,

Sheim

My Roller Coaster 2015

Deut-31-6

365/365. This is the last day of 2015. So before 2015 ends, I decided to share some experiences,  tell you what has been happening in my life. And share the things that excite me. I just want to share this verse, readers! Deut. 31:6, masasabi kong parang roller coaster talaga ang 2015 ko, masyado ng gasgas ang quotation na “Ang buhay ay parang roller coaster, may ups and downs. ” Pero yun naman talaga yun eh may ups, downs, screams, laughs. Pero, sa lahat ng yon, Deut. 31:6 ang pangako ng Diyos na aking pinanghawakan sa buong taon.

Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the LORD your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you. (Deuteronomy 31:6, ESV)

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For the last couple of months, I have been in transition. Okay tapos hindi, okay tapos hindi okay. Tataas sabay bababa, tataas sabay bababa. Pero sa lahat ng yon, dun ako mas lalong naging matatag, dun ko mas lalong nakilala yung sarili ko, dun mas lumabas yung tunay na ako, dun ako mas na transform, and it’s all because of His unending grace in my life. Too many to mention sa mga nangyare sakin, sa mga natutunan, sa mga big events sa buhay ko, lalo na’t pagdating sa school. Looking back on 2015, being a president of Junior Philippine Computer Society – AMA Biñan Local Chapter is one of the longest and hardest journey in my life. The rest of the time, I have to deal with people issues. You really have to be strong and courageous to handle everything, in terms of physical and emotional area. In all my year of leadership and representing JPCS, I can hardly recall a time when I was not dealing with an issue as such.  Some people issues are small, some are big, and some are unbearably painful. But, as I grew, I was able to handle those issues by the help of our God. Because of God’s wisdom in my life, I was able to manage all those issues, as long as I know my identity in Christ. Maybe, If I am not careful and was not able to manage, it can keep me up at night, and send me into bouts of depression, discourage and anxious.  Why?  Because understanding, inspiring, organizing, aligning, and keeping a group of people focused and passionate is simply difficult. Also, I always have to remind myself that I don’t have to please people. Being a leader can be a rewarding experience but it also means facing a host of anticipated and unexpected challenges.

Dumating din sa point na kailangan kong ayusin yung mga priorities ko sa buhay. The most challenging year as well. Struggle sa scholar, struggle sa pagpapataas ng grades, struggle na lang sa lahat. But then, I always have to remind myself ano nga ba talaga ang first priority ko? It is then that I should play my role as a wise, focused, and resolute servant of God. Time management is very important as well. Yan naman yung taon-taon na gusto kong iimprove sa sarili ko kung paano ko mamanage ang time ko.

Sa buong 2015 ko, alam ko si Lord ang aking kasama. Kaya nagagawa ko ang lahat ng ito. Sa lahat ng scars, hurts, pains, burdens, brokenness, sadness, I still thank God for everthing dahil walang panahon na pinabayaan Niya ko. Wala kong maisip na oras na iniwan Niya ko sa panahon na walang wala ako, sa panahon na down na down ako. Though, I feel tired and my breathlessness is still there in the wings, I have rested as much as I can so that I can try and fight this journey that little bit more. I’d say 2015 has been an incredibly tough year, It’s certainly been one of my most difficult, confusing years I’ve triumphed thus far & I know I’m not the only one in that boat. Right? But then, this scars reminds me how good and how faithful the Lord is. Sa pagtatapos ng taon ko, akala ko okay na, tapos na, akala ko magiging smooth na lahat, pero hindi pala. Isa sa mga painful experience ko yung pagtatapos ng taon (Too private). Pero kahit ganun pa man, dun mo pa din talaga makikita kung gaano kabuti ang Diyos sa buhay ko. Kahit na naranasan ko yun and I know everyone of us will experience that o yung iba na experience na, lahat naman tayo pagdadaanan yung sakit na ganun, always remind yourself : “Deuteronomy 31:6” Alalahin lang natin lahat ng pangako ng Diyos. God is so faithful. God is so good. God is so gracious. God is so awesome!

I know the Lord is always with me. I will not be shaken, for he is right beside me. (Psalms 16:8)

After all, I think we are only just at the beginning of a very long and unknown journey. And as they say what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger!

So this was 2015 and it was fully packed and intense but in the end it was lacking far behind a lot of my personal goals and hopes, it’s good to be on a longer time out to find time to think about it again and make 2016 a bigger, better year and prove that mistakes can be made as long as you learned the lesson and adjust.

I have seen many failures throughout the year by myself but still God’s mercy and grace still remains. I thank God for having my family, church mates, mentor, disciple, and friends which I am tremendously, incredibly thankful. Thank you sa mga nag-stay. Thank you sa mga naging parte ng 2015 ko at sa mga susunod pang taon. Thank you sa mga nandiyan parati.Hindi ko na kayo iisa-isahin. Maraming salamat sa inyo!

There are many things in life to be thankful for.

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose. (Romans 8:28, NIV)

Marami pa rin ang mga blessings na dapat ipagpasalamat sa Diyos. Sobrang dami. Sobrang dami at sobrang dami. Una na sa lahat diyan ay ang makasama yung family ko magsimba tuwing Linggo. Kung meron man akong sobrang ipagpapasalamat sa Diyos yun ay yung blinessed ako ng family na ganto. A big shoutout to my family for standing by my side through this whole year. For my family who held my hand and said, “You got this!” in the times I was so close to giving up. My family who’s always there for me. Thank you, for an open ears to all my never-ending rants, for all the dramas, for all the kwentos and laughs. For my family who really cheered on me and supported me all through out the year, thank you so much and i love you.

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After all, It’s a “BLESSED 2015”, looking back at the past 12 months, it has really been such a blast. This year has been one full of surprises. God gave me more than I expected and more than I think I’ll ever need. Thank You for all the answered prayers, Lord. As much as I want to repeat 2015, all I can do now is look and move forward to the new year. I can’t wait to see what’s in store for me!

This year, I started writing the things that I want to achieve within this year and I am glad that most of those that I’ve written were already crossed out. Super excited na ko ngayong taon. Since, this 2016 mag dedebut na ko. Wuhooo! I’m turning 18 on February 27, 2016. *Oops!*. Excited na ko sa mga gagawin pa ni Lord sa buhay ko. Since, isa pa sa mga unforgettable experience ko ang maranasan ang Fire Camp nung Dec. 27, 28 & 29 kelan lang siya, so eto ako on fire na on fire. Wuhooo! And praying na mamaintain na to, ggang matapos ang taong 2016.

Making goals is one of my favorite things to do. I love having a plan, something to work towards.

Let’s make goals this year:
1) Share the Gospel to at least one person each month & build a cell group on my campus and on LNC as well, ask for they’re commitment towards the gift of eternal life the Lord Jesus offers.
2) Consistent spiritual discipline – quiet time in the morning (prayer, devotion, bible-reading, and quiet time/listening to God) and praying unceasingly as each moment goes.
3) Being productive and excellent on Digisciple (Ministry). To learn more and improve my commitment as well.
4) Encourage others through God’s Word as the Holy Spirit leads. Include prayer, too, and best done together if you can.
5) Use my planner every day I would really like 2016 to be a year of staying organized and on track. Checking on the short-term and long-term goal and make it happen as well.

Hoping to learn more in 2016 and a more productive year ahead of me and of you, too. Yow, Happy New Year!

It is always my goal to make the next year even better than the previous. I’m very excited to see what surprises God has in store for me this year! yay! 2016, I’m sure you will be amazing!

I’m so excited to embrace 2016. Not just with New Year Resolutions but, with an openness to receive more visions & goals coming from the Lord.

Another year of success and happiness has passed. With every new year, comes greater challenges and obstacles in life.

Thank God for everything that happened this year. There may be bad times but there’s always good times.

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Lesson Learned: “Read the instructions very carefully”

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It’s so hard for me to think a good title. Ayt. My brain just works in a different way. I don’t have much to say. I suppose I never do. At least not out loud. Everything is always in my head, every random thought, every opinion, every idea, every feeling, squeezing my heart. It makes me tired. I figured, I should probably write it out, and that way let out my thoughts, my feelings. I miss this. I was never into diaries these past few weeks because of busyness, because of achuchuness I’m handling in school right now and I had exams last week and was struggling to find time, never mind starting a new blog and trying to keep it updated, lol so I’d give this blog a try since I have something to say.

What I’ve learned today…
“Read the instructions very carefully before completing any Petition.”

The meaning of a sentence can change based on one word or even one sentence. If you do skim or read sloppily you may miss it and misunderstand. It’s true that most of our reading is not imperative or life threatening if we make an error.

daDA

I forgot to pay attention to every single word on our prelim examination at CS202 – Computer Programming 2. Because all I know and all I thought, our exam will be so easy for me. Because, some of my classmates told me that I’ll just laugh with it. It was an important exam for me and I studied really, really hard for it. It was supposed to be an easy exam. Everything pointed to it being an easy exam, but I studied as hard as I could for it anyway because it was an important exam. It’s a milestone. It’s one of those ridiculous steps we have to take in life so that we can climb just a little bit higher; I’m a ComScie student so I have to master the programming. So, it was important for me to develop my programming skill that’s why I push through. I was so hopeful and confident in that subject. So here it is, last week I was about to took my exam, and I took my exam for about 3 minutes, if I’m not mistaken. Anyways, that is a special exam. I was really confident that time that I will have perfect score. Test I – Multiple choice, Test II – True of false, oh speaking of true or false. I actually didn’t notice that I have to write my last name if the statement is true and write my first name if the statement is right. And guess what? Its two points each. I thought that was the last but there was another. In test III, I didn’t read the instructions again, I thought all I have to put is the output but then I was wrong. Because, I was so confident that the exam was so easy for me, my grade is lower than 80-90% and that was unexpected. Ayt. I didn’t notice the instructions at the very first place telling me that next time sheim you read the instructions very carefully.

I remember,
Doc Jecee says “Kaya nga unang una ang instruction eh, kasi yun yung pinakaimportante sa lahat, bago mo gagawin ang isang bagay o isasagot yung ganto ganyan, babasahin mo muna instructions”

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So that’s it. Hahahah. All I feel right now, NANGHIHINAYANG TALAGA KO. Hanggang pagtulog ko ata, nasa isip ko to. First time ko makakuha ng ganung grade. Grade conscious feels! Di ko siya matanggap nung una. Pero, sabi nga ni Sir Jerome kanina, sino ba yung nagsulat sa green booklet? So, I have no one to blame but myself. Nakakagulat lang kasi pag pasok ko na di dapat ako papasok kasi sobrang feel ko yung pagod. I have cold and cough. At masama talaga pakiramdam ko, pero pinilit ko pumasok kasi akala ko may laboratory exam kami just like what I’ve said, importante tong subject na to sakin. Dahil major. Pag bukas ko ng pinto bungad sakin yung ____% sa harap ng green booklet, I was like shocks! shocks! shocks! Bat’ ganto grade ko? Yesterday, I went home around 10PM and it was almost every day. Because of school works I have to do, and deadlines to meet for our org. Is it normal to feel this physically drained, right? Like I could only get out of bed by 6am and it just takes a lot of energy for me to even get up. Sometimes, I have no sleep yet. I’m even too tired to read or to catch up something in my acads. I’m just reading my bible lifelessly. For the Lord is my strength! I don’t think it is normal to feel so tired? No one else from my class is as exhausted as I am; they’re just going about their businesses as usual.

That’s why this is the verse of the week for me:

Exams are draining, most cognitively and physically. Feels like ang dami kong iniisip o kailangan pang gawin. Meron pa kong mga di natatake na prelim exam tapos mag mimidterm exam na. Ayt! Kaya, kailangan kong iremind yung sarili ko palagi na “SAY NO TO PRESSURE” talaga. There’s a lot of work goes into revision, there’s a lot of stress and anxiety and it’s all over in just a few weeks (a relatively short period of time). So there’s this huge buildup of work and anxiety in a short period of time for our org so of course it’s fine to feel tired. But then again,

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. – Phil. 4:13

Different people respond differently to exams. Like you some people feel absolutely exhausted at the end and then some people don’t; that’s it. Everyone is different in their responses to exams and in their preparations so it makes sense for people to respond differently at the end as well.

Kaya naman, I feel so sorry sa prof. namin sa subject na to. Kung napatahimik man ako sa klase, ang sakit lang talaga nung grade ko. Hahaha. No tampo po! I am blaming myself na di ko muna binasa yung instruction. And next time, una ko ng gagawin yun. Hahahah. Pagod lang rin kaya napatahimik na lang ako. Nadidivide yung utak ko. Maybe, I need a break… I should take some time out for myself. I found rest in God’s presence. Wooooh. Sobrang hungry sa rest. Kaya sana Sabbath day na hihi. I’ve done a lot of work recently and I deserve a rest. I’ll take the time that I need to recover and won’t compare myself to other people because I am all different.

I was thinking that this blog post is about learning to take tests well but also just reading directions on how to do something is dependent on careful reading of every single word. Take the first step “Read the instructions very carefully before completing any petition.” So, the careful reading of the passage part is an important life skill to learn and to make a habit of.
Hahaha. I find out where I’ve gone wrong and how I can improve, I need to read carefully first. Looking back and thinking about how things went. That’s all. My reflection for today. Thanks for spending your time reading my daily experience today.

If It’s For The Lord, Walang Sayang!

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So, my dear brothers and sisters, be strong and immovable. Always work enthusiastically for the Lord, for you know that nothing you do for the Lord is ever useless. (1 Corinthians 15:58, NLT)

When the things you do are sincerely in the name of The Lord, you can rest assured your labor is not in vain. There is no wasted effort if it’s for the Lord. He knows your heart and He knows all that you’re going through (Luke 16:15) when it’s right and when it’s wrong. We may labor and sacrifice a lot in different things, but if it was not built up for the Lord Himself, it counts for nothing. It doesn’t matter what others say about you or about the things you strive to do for God. Go lang ng go, if it’s for the Lord. It counts for nothing, if it was not really for the Lord. It only matters what He thinks. It’s about what you do and who you are in the eyes of the Lord not in men.

Whatever we do, if the Lord is not with us, if the Lord is not doing it with us, Solomon says, it is then meaningless. Wherever we go, if the Lord goes not with us, it is then meaningless. What good will it be for someone to gain the whole world, yet forfeit their soul.
(Matthew 16:26)

Be the kind of a person who doesn’t just want to do well to please or compete with others, but because he/she has given himself/herself fully to the work of the Lord, and he/she desires to please Him, to glorify Him and give Him honor. Because when you do, your labor is NOT in vain. Let God be your inspiration whatever you do. You’re doing this for one reason; FOR HIM ALONE!
 
WAG KANG MAPAPAGOD. IF IT’S FOR THE LORD, WALANG SAYANG!

My Faith Journey (3rd Trimester-Final Examination)

Did I truly trust God, the God I had claimed to know and love all my life? And if so, would I follow Him even into the darkest, most painful valley?

By His grace, I have followed.  By my faith, miracles happen! And truly God has given me eyes that see Him in the most unexpected ways. The only thing that will keep u going is your FAITH~

FAITH SEEING AS GOD SEES.. – Ptra. Mitch Gustilo, Fueled by Faith Series

Faith does not operate in the realm of the possible. There is no glory for God in that which is humanly possible. Faith begins where man’s power ends. I have experienced the power of such faith in my life.

One of the struggles I was facing when I started to enter college was finances; It so heavy for our parents to provide our tuition fees. Especially two of us are studying in a expensive computer college school.

My brother is a graduating student (I mean, 1 tri to go!) So I have to make a savings for my own payment. Especially, when you see your parents are working hard just to give you an education for your future. I’m really willing to help them when I started to realize how expensive our tuition fee is.

I think it’ll be a big help for them if I make a savings for my finals and also if I would be thrifty whenever they give me an allowance. And because of that routine every examination (ipon dito, ipon don, tipid dito tipid don), it grew me a lot. But, still my parents are the one who provides my monthly payment in school. I just help them with my very best and with my very willing soul by giving some of my savings in order to add in my examination fee. Sometimes, I was thinking to be a self-supporting student. Look for a part time jobs, in order to pay off my tuition fees and living expenses.

Final exam is heading off.. My balance in school is still bigger. In my mind, I want to provide my final exam on my own because I don’t wan’t my parents to be so stressed. Me and my brother, we’re both studying at expensive school, so I have to take an action for my exam. So past few days, I suffered physically. My health condition worsened; every time I’m going to sleep, it feels like my intestine, my liver, my respiratory system are jumping around my bed. Sounds weird right? because of stress and lack of sleep. I still remember several times when I cried out to God to let me sleep for 3 days because the pain was so unbearable. Every time I was thinking for my final exam, I always asks myself, “Bakit ganto? Masipag naman ako mag-aral. Yung ibang hindi naman ganoonan kasipagan, pero fully paid agad. Eh ako?” Am I starting to doubt? But when all those questions starting to pop in my mind, I started to read Owner’s Manual. And pray! Asking God to take away all those doubts, all those fears and worries. And praying that may the spirit of fear leave me that moment.

Weeks had passed.. Finals is coming..

Habang palapit na ng palapit yung araw, ang hirap na iwasan yung pressure. Pero instead of spearheaded of worries, I JUST PUT MY TRUST ON THE LORD. This is what I always says, every time I have trouble in AMA or everytime I have concerns in AMA > “Eh, si Lord is by my side!  Nilagay ako ni Lord sa school na to! I’m 101% sure na hinding hindi Niya ko papabayan. Hindi pababayaan in terms of people around me, in terms of environment there, in terms of grades, and most of all in terms of financial (as we all know, tuition fee in AMA is so expensive KAYA: PARA SA MGA NAGAARAL SA AMA, MAG-ARAL KAYO NG MABUTI. DAHIL ANG MAHAL MAHAL NG TUITION FEE SA AMA! HINDI NAGTATAE ANG MGA MAGULANG NATIN. BLESSED TAYO DAHIL PINAGARAL TAYO NG MGA MAGULANG NATIN SA MAHAL NA UNIBERSIDAD). GOD IS WITH ME. Selah.

When I got home, I told mom and dad that the deadline for the finals was the wednesday because I don’t want to be hassle to fix my clearance and my RSA, and I found out that we didn’t have any money to pay for it yet. Normally, I’d feel frustrated, irritated, pressure, cranky and nervous all at the same time, but I was surprised I wasn’t. It was amazing. I just felt so much peace, so much hope, and so much assurance that God was gonna provide for me. That I was gonna be able to take exam.

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It’s not a faith unless you made a bold declaration. – Ptra. Mitch Gustilo, Fueled by Faith Series

God has already been providing in miraculous ways for me to complete my studies. Despite many trails, God has provided for all my needs and tuition fees over the 9 months. And now I am moving forward on the next level. Two steps to go. I can now see the finish line, and I am fervently praying to graduate on time with LAUDE~

Neither my desperate needs nor higher grades made any difference. However, my faith did not waver. I reasoned to myself that God was testing me so that my faith could be strengthened in the midst of trials. Just like Job says, “ ‘But he knows the way that I take; when he has tested me, I will come forth as gold’ ” (Job 23:10).*

Job! What kind of worse experience was he going through that led him to make such an affirmation? Job was a God-fearing follower; he obeyed God and trusted Him.

Despite all these terrible and heartbreaking trials, Job still believed in the Lord, for God was the object of Job’s faith. Our belief affects our attitude and our reaction. What do I mean? Look at the attitude and reaction Job had while facing all these problems. Job’s faith, trust, and belief were all rooted firmly in God. Job would have been so hopeless if his faith was based on everything he possessed. That was not the case.

His faith was in God, and God never disappears. So, when everything was lost, Job had one assurance that can never be lost and he exclaimed, “My Redeemer lives.” In that Living God, Job trusted, so he survived every crisis. He did not lose hope because he based his faith in the Lord God was the object of his faith.

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God provides it all the way

Going back to my own story, despite of my trials and struggles, I kept praying to God and believing in Him. I was praying for God to open a way for me to take final exam if it was really His will. I also prayed that He would help me pay off all my expenses, tuition fees, and provide me a place to stay.

Finally, a while ago, GOD PROVIDES! Imagine, my final examination starts today (April 16, 2015) and this is the day I also got my permit. GOD REALLY STRETCHES MY FAITH IN FINANCES *My Nga-nga Moment!* Slap me? Am I dreaming? I keep telling my 2 classmates “NA TALAGA BANG MAGEEXAM NA KO? TOTOO NA BA TO? KAKAPRAY KO LANG NG KAKAPRAY, NGAYONG MAKAKAEXAM NA KO? DAHIL SA MGA BIBIG NA KAKAPRAY NA KAKAPRAY AT NADINIG NI LORD?”

In the end, I was able to take my exam.

Here it is :

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Tendeden! I’m excited for my exam (for the very first time) hahaha, because I know I went through ups and downs before getting this permit. Actually, every exam, I am very early to buy a green booklet (one week before the exam) even though I’m still not paid yet. Because, I always tell to my mom that- “Ma, ito yung faith ko. BY FAITH. Alam ko kasing makakaexam ako kaya nabili agad ako ng green booklet. Si laging by faith ako ♥” hehehe.

God is so amazing and great. *AKO ANG SAKSI*

It was all God’s doing. I always reminded myself that “we live not by sight, but by faith.” Though I did not have enough money to study. I believed God and His promises in the Bible. “ALAM KONG SASAGIPIN AT SASAGIPIN AT SASAGIPIN NIYA PA KONG MULI, JUST LIKE WHAT I’VE SAID, GOD PLACE ME IN THAT CAMPUS (AMA) IMPOSIBLENG PABAYAAN NIYA KO”. My faith was in God. I believed His Word, “ ‘You have made the heavens and the earth by your great power . . . nothing is too hard for you’ ” (Jer. 32:17). I know that everything on earth belongs to the Lord, and if it’s His will and keep on desiring, then He will hear my prayer just like 1 John 5:14 says, “This is the confidence which we have before Him, that, if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us” (NASB).

We receive Jesus and His blessings only by faith. – Ptra. Mitch Gustilo, Fueled by Faith Series

Whatever situation you are in, the word of the Lord is to put your faith in Him. Listen and focus to His words no matter how loud and seemingly true the other voice is.

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“Faith is to believe what we do not see, and the reward of faith is to see what we believe.” – St. Augustine

The important lessons I learned from my walk with God, my faith journey include: to trust and have faith in Him, believe in His Word, and claim His promises because our God loves us so much that He will always carry us through. T

here might be times when we pray and pray and nothing happens. We just have to wait patiently. God stretches our faith. We might have lost faith in God because of various situations. However, we must never lose heart, never give up hope. Always trust in God.

Random Writings

“If you ask me how I am doing, I would say I am doing just fine…”

-Not over you. 

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For I want my heart to rest until wounds heal…

I have decided to completely forget. I made up my mind that your name would be forbidden words to utter. Every time I’ll see a thing that reminds me of you, I’ll just close my eyes.  I have decided to take a leap and move on. To delete everything about the false memories I have hidden. I take away all the memories. To see you in a light how others look at you. And not to think the way I think about you. I made up my mind to let go of the view I have for you within. I decided to put a period. Move forward. And leave everything to the Lord.

I believed the promises you said. Believed in dreams of my own imagination. Believed in things that would never happen in reality.  Believed in nothing. Because I was drown in false meaning of love you defined for me. I would have left the ocean for you even you took everything away and just gave me little self-respect.

I never thought a person’s mind could think of someone over and over again. Only so real to miss that people and to cry for a hope that even just for a second, I could forget everything about you.

P.S: Random thoughts only. 11:11PM