What I Want VS. What God Wants

June 02, 2016 exactly 12 a.m in the morning it was announced in Manila X Festival’s site that I won 2 tickets. Obviously, I was so surprise and glad. Before June 02, 2016 around last week of May, I really prayed and did an action to win in that contest because, I really wanted to be there and witness the first ever Manila X Festival. And most of all, I want to see my favorite artist and bands there like Yeng Constantino, Up Dharma Down and The Juans. hehehe. So, I don’t want to miss that opportunity. But, to make the long story short, I couldn’t make it. (Right now, I’m very sure the concert is on going. lol.) Last night, after my night class, I went to church for worker’s meeting. And then, my mentor already knew it that I will not be able to attend CYOD even if I didn’t tell her earlier so one of my ka-mentee teased me hahaha. Plus, travelling back at home my disciple PM’ed me. She told me that she will attend CYOD. So, I am more confused If I’m still going on Manila X Festival or will attend CYOD. Huhuhu. I talked to GOD. And praying for a wisdom. Because, that moment I don’t feel a sense of “peace” to go in that concert. Although, that’s once in a lifetime. Yes, honestly, I don’t want to miss the opportunity to see my fav’s. But, it will break my heart if I miss the opportunity to meet my disciples.

June 04, 2016, 9 a.m in the morning it was all set. I’m very prepared and excited for the concert but still my heart is not at peace. After a few hours, my best friend called me that she can’t make it today. I felt sad about her news. So, I texted my other friends and one of my friend is willing to be with me. But then, I decided not to go anymore. So, I already told my mama & my mentor that I won’t go on Manila X Festival. My mama told me that maybe “it is God’s will”. And my mentor told me that “God has His ways.” In any decision we have the opportunity to choose. And this is one of the opportunity to practice wisdom. There is a purpose behind everything. I am so busy planning for the concert not even asking God’s opinion about it. Now, I learn to lean. I learn to ask and seek. I learn to be more obedient [obedience out of love]. I learn that my God is so powerful enough to do and fulfill EVERYTHING in EVERY WAY. I want Him to direct my path even when I’m about to make choices in life. So, yeah, I was about to take a bath a while ago when GOD spoke to me, I just cried.. To be honest, I want to be in Manila X Festival but, I want to obey and submit to God [out of love]. I should be serious about following God’s will, and I have to recognize that it’s not about getting what I want, but what God asks. His will is what’s best for me. 2PM, me and my ka-meente went to te amo and 4PM, I attended CYOD. I’m telling you, “It’s worth it!”. Worth it to choose HIM first and put GOD above all else.

My Roller Coaster 2015

Deut-31-6

365/365. This is the last day of 2015. So before 2015 ends, I decided to share some experiences,  tell you what has been happening in my life. And share the things that excite me. I just want to share this verse, readers! Deut. 31:6, masasabi kong parang roller coaster talaga ang 2015 ko, masyado ng gasgas ang quotation na “Ang buhay ay parang roller coaster, may ups and downs. ” Pero yun naman talaga yun eh may ups, downs, screams, laughs. Pero, sa lahat ng yon, Deut. 31:6 ang pangako ng Diyos na aking pinanghawakan sa buong taon.

Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the LORD your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you. (Deuteronomy 31:6, ESV)

tumblr_n83mluDVp41rsb8k5o1_r1_1280

For the last couple of months, I have been in transition. Okay tapos hindi, okay tapos hindi okay. Tataas sabay bababa, tataas sabay bababa. Pero sa lahat ng yon, dun ako mas lalong naging matatag, dun ko mas lalong nakilala yung sarili ko, dun mas lumabas yung tunay na ako, dun ako mas na transform, and it’s all because of His unending grace in my life. Too many to mention sa mga nangyare sakin, sa mga natutunan, sa mga big events sa buhay ko, lalo na’t pagdating sa school. Looking back on 2015, being a president of Junior Philippine Computer Society – AMA Biñan Local Chapter is one of the longest and hardest journey in my life. The rest of the time, I have to deal with people issues. You really have to be strong and courageous to handle everything, in terms of physical and emotional area. In all my year of leadership and representing JPCS, I can hardly recall a time when I was not dealing with an issue as such.  Some people issues are small, some are big, and some are unbearably painful. But, as I grew, I was able to handle those issues by the help of our God. Because of God’s wisdom in my life, I was able to manage all those issues, as long as I know my identity in Christ. Maybe, If I am not careful and was not able to manage, it can keep me up at night, and send me into bouts of depression, discourage and anxious.  Why?  Because understanding, inspiring, organizing, aligning, and keeping a group of people focused and passionate is simply difficult. Also, I always have to remind myself that I don’t have to please people. Being a leader can be a rewarding experience but it also means facing a host of anticipated and unexpected challenges.

Dumating din sa point na kailangan kong ayusin yung mga priorities ko sa buhay. The most challenging year as well. Struggle sa scholar, struggle sa pagpapataas ng grades, struggle na lang sa lahat. But then, I always have to remind myself ano nga ba talaga ang first priority ko? It is then that I should play my role as a wise, focused, and resolute servant of God. Time management is very important as well. Yan naman yung taon-taon na gusto kong iimprove sa sarili ko kung paano ko mamanage ang time ko.

Sa buong 2015 ko, alam ko si Lord ang aking kasama. Kaya nagagawa ko ang lahat ng ito. Sa lahat ng scars, hurts, pains, burdens, brokenness, sadness, I still thank God for everthing dahil walang panahon na pinabayaan Niya ko. Wala kong maisip na oras na iniwan Niya ko sa panahon na walang wala ako, sa panahon na down na down ako. Though, I feel tired and my breathlessness is still there in the wings, I have rested as much as I can so that I can try and fight this journey that little bit more. I’d say 2015 has been an incredibly tough year, It’s certainly been one of my most difficult, confusing years I’ve triumphed thus far & I know I’m not the only one in that boat. Right? But then, this scars reminds me how good and how faithful the Lord is. Sa pagtatapos ng taon ko, akala ko okay na, tapos na, akala ko magiging smooth na lahat, pero hindi pala. Isa sa mga painful experience ko yung pagtatapos ng taon (Too private). Pero kahit ganun pa man, dun mo pa din talaga makikita kung gaano kabuti ang Diyos sa buhay ko. Kahit na naranasan ko yun and I know everyone of us will experience that o yung iba na experience na, lahat naman tayo pagdadaanan yung sakit na ganun, always remind yourself : “Deuteronomy 31:6” Alalahin lang natin lahat ng pangako ng Diyos. God is so faithful. God is so good. God is so gracious. God is so awesome!

I know the Lord is always with me. I will not be shaken, for he is right beside me. (Psalms 16:8)

After all, I think we are only just at the beginning of a very long and unknown journey. And as they say what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger!

So this was 2015 and it was fully packed and intense but in the end it was lacking far behind a lot of my personal goals and hopes, it’s good to be on a longer time out to find time to think about it again and make 2016 a bigger, better year and prove that mistakes can be made as long as you learned the lesson and adjust.

I have seen many failures throughout the year by myself but still God’s mercy and grace still remains. I thank God for having my family, church mates, mentor, disciple, and friends which I am tremendously, incredibly thankful. Thank you sa mga nag-stay. Thank you sa mga naging parte ng 2015 ko at sa mga susunod pang taon. Thank you sa mga nandiyan parati.Hindi ko na kayo iisa-isahin. Maraming salamat sa inyo!

There are many things in life to be thankful for.

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose. (Romans 8:28, NIV)

Marami pa rin ang mga blessings na dapat ipagpasalamat sa Diyos. Sobrang dami. Sobrang dami at sobrang dami. Una na sa lahat diyan ay ang makasama yung family ko magsimba tuwing Linggo. Kung meron man akong sobrang ipagpapasalamat sa Diyos yun ay yung blinessed ako ng family na ganto. A big shoutout to my family for standing by my side through this whole year. For my family who held my hand and said, “You got this!” in the times I was so close to giving up. My family who’s always there for me. Thank you, for an open ears to all my never-ending rants, for all the dramas, for all the kwentos and laughs. For my family who really cheered on me and supported me all through out the year, thank you so much and i love you.

🌸🌸🌸

After all, It’s a “BLESSED 2015”, looking back at the past 12 months, it has really been such a blast. This year has been one full of surprises. God gave me more than I expected and more than I think I’ll ever need. Thank You for all the answered prayers, Lord. As much as I want to repeat 2015, all I can do now is look and move forward to the new year. I can’t wait to see what’s in store for me!

This year, I started writing the things that I want to achieve within this year and I am glad that most of those that I’ve written were already crossed out. Super excited na ko ngayong taon. Since, this 2016 mag dedebut na ko. Wuhooo! I’m turning 18 on February 27, 2016. *Oops!*. Excited na ko sa mga gagawin pa ni Lord sa buhay ko. Since, isa pa sa mga unforgettable experience ko ang maranasan ang Fire Camp nung Dec. 27, 28 & 29 kelan lang siya, so eto ako on fire na on fire. Wuhooo! And praying na mamaintain na to, ggang matapos ang taong 2016.

Making goals is one of my favorite things to do. I love having a plan, something to work towards.

Let’s make goals this year:
1) Share the Gospel to at least one person each month & build a cell group on my campus and on LNC as well, ask for they’re commitment towards the gift of eternal life the Lord Jesus offers.
2) Consistent spiritual discipline – quiet time in the morning (prayer, devotion, bible-reading, and quiet time/listening to God) and praying unceasingly as each moment goes.
3) Being productive and excellent on Digisciple (Ministry). To learn more and improve my commitment as well.
4) Encourage others through God’s Word as the Holy Spirit leads. Include prayer, too, and best done together if you can.
5) Use my planner every day I would really like 2016 to be a year of staying organized and on track. Checking on the short-term and long-term goal and make it happen as well.

Hoping to learn more in 2016 and a more productive year ahead of me and of you, too. Yow, Happy New Year!

It is always my goal to make the next year even better than the previous. I’m very excited to see what surprises God has in store for me this year! yay! 2016, I’m sure you will be amazing!

I’m so excited to embrace 2016. Not just with New Year Resolutions but, with an openness to receive more visions & goals coming from the Lord.

Another year of success and happiness has passed. With every new year, comes greater challenges and obstacles in life.

Thank God for everything that happened this year. There may be bad times but there’s always good times.

tumblr_o01mxdtBAx1rzadffo1_500

 

Lesson Learned: “Read the instructions very carefully”

tumblr_nh8bvkWJ0m1qdgkv7o5_1280

It’s so hard for me to think a good title. Ayt. My brain just works in a different way. I don’t have much to say. I suppose I never do. At least not out loud. Everything is always in my head, every random thought, every opinion, every idea, every feeling, squeezing my heart. It makes me tired. I figured, I should probably write it out, and that way let out my thoughts, my feelings. I miss this. I was never into diaries these past few weeks because of busyness, because of achuchuness I’m handling in school right now and I had exams last week and was struggling to find time, never mind starting a new blog and trying to keep it updated, lol so I’d give this blog a try since I have something to say.

What I’ve learned today…
“Read the instructions very carefully before completing any Petition.”

The meaning of a sentence can change based on one word or even one sentence. If you do skim or read sloppily you may miss it and misunderstand. It’s true that most of our reading is not imperative or life threatening if we make an error.

daDA

I forgot to pay attention to every single word on our prelim examination at CS202 – Computer Programming 2. Because all I know and all I thought, our exam will be so easy for me. Because, some of my classmates told me that I’ll just laugh with it. It was an important exam for me and I studied really, really hard for it. It was supposed to be an easy exam. Everything pointed to it being an easy exam, but I studied as hard as I could for it anyway because it was an important exam. It’s a milestone. It’s one of those ridiculous steps we have to take in life so that we can climb just a little bit higher; I’m a ComScie student so I have to master the programming. So, it was important for me to develop my programming skill that’s why I push through. I was so hopeful and confident in that subject. So here it is, last week I was about to took my exam, and I took my exam for about 3 minutes, if I’m not mistaken. Anyways, that is a special exam. I was really confident that time that I will have perfect score. Test I – Multiple choice, Test II – True of false, oh speaking of true or false. I actually didn’t notice that I have to write my last name if the statement is true and write my first name if the statement is right. And guess what? Its two points each. I thought that was the last but there was another. In test III, I didn’t read the instructions again, I thought all I have to put is the output but then I was wrong. Because, I was so confident that the exam was so easy for me, my grade is lower than 80-90% and that was unexpected. Ayt. I didn’t notice the instructions at the very first place telling me that next time sheim you read the instructions very carefully.

I remember,
Doc Jecee says “Kaya nga unang una ang instruction eh, kasi yun yung pinakaimportante sa lahat, bago mo gagawin ang isang bagay o isasagot yung ganto ganyan, babasahin mo muna instructions”

*****

So that’s it. Hahahah. All I feel right now, NANGHIHINAYANG TALAGA KO. Hanggang pagtulog ko ata, nasa isip ko to. First time ko makakuha ng ganung grade. Grade conscious feels! Di ko siya matanggap nung una. Pero, sabi nga ni Sir Jerome kanina, sino ba yung nagsulat sa green booklet? So, I have no one to blame but myself. Nakakagulat lang kasi pag pasok ko na di dapat ako papasok kasi sobrang feel ko yung pagod. I have cold and cough. At masama talaga pakiramdam ko, pero pinilit ko pumasok kasi akala ko may laboratory exam kami just like what I’ve said, importante tong subject na to sakin. Dahil major. Pag bukas ko ng pinto bungad sakin yung ____% sa harap ng green booklet, I was like shocks! shocks! shocks! Bat’ ganto grade ko? Yesterday, I went home around 10PM and it was almost every day. Because of school works I have to do, and deadlines to meet for our org. Is it normal to feel this physically drained, right? Like I could only get out of bed by 6am and it just takes a lot of energy for me to even get up. Sometimes, I have no sleep yet. I’m even too tired to read or to catch up something in my acads. I’m just reading my bible lifelessly. For the Lord is my strength! I don’t think it is normal to feel so tired? No one else from my class is as exhausted as I am; they’re just going about their businesses as usual.

That’s why this is the verse of the week for me:

Exams are draining, most cognitively and physically. Feels like ang dami kong iniisip o kailangan pang gawin. Meron pa kong mga di natatake na prelim exam tapos mag mimidterm exam na. Ayt! Kaya, kailangan kong iremind yung sarili ko palagi na “SAY NO TO PRESSURE” talaga. There’s a lot of work goes into revision, there’s a lot of stress and anxiety and it’s all over in just a few weeks (a relatively short period of time). So there’s this huge buildup of work and anxiety in a short period of time for our org so of course it’s fine to feel tired. But then again,

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. – Phil. 4:13

Different people respond differently to exams. Like you some people feel absolutely exhausted at the end and then some people don’t; that’s it. Everyone is different in their responses to exams and in their preparations so it makes sense for people to respond differently at the end as well.

Kaya naman, I feel so sorry sa prof. namin sa subject na to. Kung napatahimik man ako sa klase, ang sakit lang talaga nung grade ko. Hahaha. No tampo po! I am blaming myself na di ko muna binasa yung instruction. And next time, una ko ng gagawin yun. Hahahah. Pagod lang rin kaya napatahimik na lang ako. Nadidivide yung utak ko. Maybe, I need a break… I should take some time out for myself. I found rest in God’s presence. Wooooh. Sobrang hungry sa rest. Kaya sana Sabbath day na hihi. I’ve done a lot of work recently and I deserve a rest. I’ll take the time that I need to recover and won’t compare myself to other people because I am all different.

I was thinking that this blog post is about learning to take tests well but also just reading directions on how to do something is dependent on careful reading of every single word. Take the first step “Read the instructions very carefully before completing any petition.” So, the careful reading of the passage part is an important life skill to learn and to make a habit of.
Hahaha. I find out where I’ve gone wrong and how I can improve, I need to read carefully first. Looking back and thinking about how things went. That’s all. My reflection for today. Thanks for spending your time reading my daily experience today.

My Faith Journey (3rd Trimester-Final Examination)

Did I truly trust God, the God I had claimed to know and love all my life? And if so, would I follow Him even into the darkest, most painful valley?

By His grace, I have followed.  By my faith, miracles happen! And truly God has given me eyes that see Him in the most unexpected ways. The only thing that will keep u going is your FAITH~

FAITH SEEING AS GOD SEES.. – Ptra. Mitch Gustilo, Fueled by Faith Series

Faith does not operate in the realm of the possible. There is no glory for God in that which is humanly possible. Faith begins where man’s power ends. I have experienced the power of such faith in my life.

One of the struggles I was facing when I started to enter college was finances; It so heavy for our parents to provide our tuition fees. Especially two of us are studying in a expensive computer college school.

My brother is a graduating student (I mean, 1 tri to go!) So I have to make a savings for my own payment. Especially, when you see your parents are working hard just to give you an education for your future. I’m really willing to help them when I started to realize how expensive our tuition fee is.

I think it’ll be a big help for them if I make a savings for my finals and also if I would be thrifty whenever they give me an allowance. And because of that routine every examination (ipon dito, ipon don, tipid dito tipid don), it grew me a lot. But, still my parents are the one who provides my monthly payment in school. I just help them with my very best and with my very willing soul by giving some of my savings in order to add in my examination fee. Sometimes, I was thinking to be a self-supporting student. Look for a part time jobs, in order to pay off my tuition fees and living expenses.

Final exam is heading off.. My balance in school is still bigger. In my mind, I want to provide my final exam on my own because I don’t wan’t my parents to be so stressed. Me and my brother, we’re both studying at expensive school, so I have to take an action for my exam. So past few days, I suffered physically. My health condition worsened; every time I’m going to sleep, it feels like my intestine, my liver, my respiratory system are jumping around my bed. Sounds weird right? because of stress and lack of sleep. I still remember several times when I cried out to God to let me sleep for 3 days because the pain was so unbearable. Every time I was thinking for my final exam, I always asks myself, “Bakit ganto? Masipag naman ako mag-aral. Yung ibang hindi naman ganoonan kasipagan, pero fully paid agad. Eh ako?” Am I starting to doubt? But when all those questions starting to pop in my mind, I started to read Owner’s Manual. And pray! Asking God to take away all those doubts, all those fears and worries. And praying that may the spirit of fear leave me that moment.

Weeks had passed.. Finals is coming..

Habang palapit na ng palapit yung araw, ang hirap na iwasan yung pressure. Pero instead of spearheaded of worries, I JUST PUT MY TRUST ON THE LORD. This is what I always says, every time I have trouble in AMA or everytime I have concerns in AMA > “Eh, si Lord is by my side!  Nilagay ako ni Lord sa school na to! I’m 101% sure na hinding hindi Niya ko papabayan. Hindi pababayaan in terms of people around me, in terms of environment there, in terms of grades, and most of all in terms of financial (as we all know, tuition fee in AMA is so expensive KAYA: PARA SA MGA NAGAARAL SA AMA, MAG-ARAL KAYO NG MABUTI. DAHIL ANG MAHAL MAHAL NG TUITION FEE SA AMA! HINDI NAGTATAE ANG MGA MAGULANG NATIN. BLESSED TAYO DAHIL PINAGARAL TAYO NG MGA MAGULANG NATIN SA MAHAL NA UNIBERSIDAD). GOD IS WITH ME. Selah.

When I got home, I told mom and dad that the deadline for the finals was the wednesday because I don’t want to be hassle to fix my clearance and my RSA, and I found out that we didn’t have any money to pay for it yet. Normally, I’d feel frustrated, irritated, pressure, cranky and nervous all at the same time, but I was surprised I wasn’t. It was amazing. I just felt so much peace, so much hope, and so much assurance that God was gonna provide for me. That I was gonna be able to take exam.

*****

It’s not a faith unless you made a bold declaration. – Ptra. Mitch Gustilo, Fueled by Faith Series

God has already been providing in miraculous ways for me to complete my studies. Despite many trails, God has provided for all my needs and tuition fees over the 9 months. And now I am moving forward on the next level. Two steps to go. I can now see the finish line, and I am fervently praying to graduate on time with LAUDE~

Neither my desperate needs nor higher grades made any difference. However, my faith did not waver. I reasoned to myself that God was testing me so that my faith could be strengthened in the midst of trials. Just like Job says, “ ‘But he knows the way that I take; when he has tested me, I will come forth as gold’ ” (Job 23:10).*

Job! What kind of worse experience was he going through that led him to make such an affirmation? Job was a God-fearing follower; he obeyed God and trusted Him.

Despite all these terrible and heartbreaking trials, Job still believed in the Lord, for God was the object of Job’s faith. Our belief affects our attitude and our reaction. What do I mean? Look at the attitude and reaction Job had while facing all these problems. Job’s faith, trust, and belief were all rooted firmly in God. Job would have been so hopeless if his faith was based on everything he possessed. That was not the case.

His faith was in God, and God never disappears. So, when everything was lost, Job had one assurance that can never be lost and he exclaimed, “My Redeemer lives.” In that Living God, Job trusted, so he survived every crisis. He did not lose hope because he based his faith in the Lord God was the object of his faith.

*****

God provides it all the way

Going back to my own story, despite of my trials and struggles, I kept praying to God and believing in Him. I was praying for God to open a way for me to take final exam if it was really His will. I also prayed that He would help me pay off all my expenses, tuition fees, and provide me a place to stay.

Finally, a while ago, GOD PROVIDES! Imagine, my final examination starts today (April 16, 2015) and this is the day I also got my permit. GOD REALLY STRETCHES MY FAITH IN FINANCES *My Nga-nga Moment!* Slap me? Am I dreaming? I keep telling my 2 classmates “NA TALAGA BANG MAGEEXAM NA KO? TOTOO NA BA TO? KAKAPRAY KO LANG NG KAKAPRAY, NGAYONG MAKAKAEXAM NA KO? DAHIL SA MGA BIBIG NA KAKAPRAY NA KAKAPRAY AT NADINIG NI LORD?”

In the end, I was able to take my exam.

Here it is :

11115921_1052848121395193_1885962607_n

Tendeden! I’m excited for my exam (for the very first time) hahaha, because I know I went through ups and downs before getting this permit. Actually, every exam, I am very early to buy a green booklet (one week before the exam) even though I’m still not paid yet. Because, I always tell to my mom that- “Ma, ito yung faith ko. BY FAITH. Alam ko kasing makakaexam ako kaya nabili agad ako ng green booklet. Si laging by faith ako ♥” hehehe.

God is so amazing and great. *AKO ANG SAKSI*

It was all God’s doing. I always reminded myself that “we live not by sight, but by faith.” Though I did not have enough money to study. I believed God and His promises in the Bible. “ALAM KONG SASAGIPIN AT SASAGIPIN AT SASAGIPIN NIYA PA KONG MULI, JUST LIKE WHAT I’VE SAID, GOD PLACE ME IN THAT CAMPUS (AMA) IMPOSIBLENG PABAYAAN NIYA KO”. My faith was in God. I believed His Word, “ ‘You have made the heavens and the earth by your great power . . . nothing is too hard for you’ ” (Jer. 32:17). I know that everything on earth belongs to the Lord, and if it’s His will and keep on desiring, then He will hear my prayer just like 1 John 5:14 says, “This is the confidence which we have before Him, that, if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us” (NASB).

We receive Jesus and His blessings only by faith. – Ptra. Mitch Gustilo, Fueled by Faith Series

Whatever situation you are in, the word of the Lord is to put your faith in Him. Listen and focus to His words no matter how loud and seemingly true the other voice is.

tumblr_nfft4ilBk41s8fg03o1_500

“Faith is to believe what we do not see, and the reward of faith is to see what we believe.” – St. Augustine

The important lessons I learned from my walk with God, my faith journey include: to trust and have faith in Him, believe in His Word, and claim His promises because our God loves us so much that He will always carry us through. T

here might be times when we pray and pray and nothing happens. We just have to wait patiently. God stretches our faith. We might have lost faith in God because of various situations. However, we must never lose heart, never give up hope. Always trust in God.

Random Writings

“If you ask me how I am doing, I would say I am doing just fine…”

-Not over you. 

****

For I want my heart to rest until wounds heal…

I have decided to completely forget. I made up my mind that your name would be forbidden words to utter. Every time I’ll see a thing that reminds me of you, I’ll just close my eyes.  I have decided to take a leap and move on. To delete everything about the false memories I have hidden. I take away all the memories. To see you in a light how others look at you. And not to think the way I think about you. I made up my mind to let go of the view I have for you within. I decided to put a period. Move forward. And leave everything to the Lord.

I believed the promises you said. Believed in dreams of my own imagination. Believed in things that would never happen in reality.  Believed in nothing. Because I was drown in false meaning of love you defined for me. I would have left the ocean for you even you took everything away and just gave me little self-respect.

I never thought a person’s mind could think of someone over and over again. Only so real to miss that people and to cry for a hope that even just for a second, I could forget everything about you.

P.S: Random thoughts only. 11:11PM

Tanggap ko na pero, Ang sakit pa din!

May mga bagay na kahit tanggap mo na, di mo parin mapipigilang masaktan pag naalala mo ulit. Yung pag naaalala mo ulit, maiinis ka, mapapasigaw ka, matutulala ka, mapapakiss ka sa dingding, mapapasplit ka, mapapaumpog yung ulo mo, mapapa’ouch ka, at masasaktan ka talaga.

Pero kahit ano namang drama ang gawin mo, kahit anong pagmumukmok mo, wala na. Hindi mo na mababalik yung oras. Ang kailangan mo na lang gawin ay tanggapin ng tuluyan at ibaon na ito sa lupa. May mga panahon talaga sa buhay natin na kailangan nating tanggapin.

Pero bat’ ang sakit sakit pa din?

Apat na bagay na tanggap ko na pero ang sakit sakit pa din sa tuwing naaalala.

1. HINDI AKO NAKASAMA NG FIRE CAMP

Last month pa inannounce na merong fire camp (youth camp) sa darating na December 28-30. Syempre ang nasa isip ko naman “ay matagal pa naman yun” di muna ako papaalam. Mahaba pa yung panahon kaya sa december na ko magpapaalam. Makakapaghanda pa naman siguro ako non. Nakalipas ang mga ilang araw.. teden! Hala december 25 na, hala december 26 na, hala december 27 na, ay bukas na yun! Hanggang sa ako na mismo yung nagdecide na di na ko makakasama. Aside sa wala akong pambayad. Late na ko nakapagpaalam. Paniguradong di ako papayagan nun lalo na’t kagagling ko lang sa outing at sunud-sunod na pag-alis sa bahay tapos alis ulit, di talaga na ko mapapayagan nun. Sad. Hanggang sa naging december 28, tuluyan na kong di nakapunta ng camp. Nag uumpisa na ang ‘Inggit Factor’ ayoko siyang maramdaman pero yon ang naramdaman ko after the service. Pakiramdam na ‘sana pala nagpaalam ako ng maaga’ Lalo na’t inaasar asar pa ko ng mga minions na ‘de wala wala wag niyo pansinin yan di yan sasama’ Naguiguilty tuloy ako na di ko ginawa yung best ko para makasama. Till’ now nandun pa din yung panghihinayang, Sad.

2. PADALOS-DALOS NA DESISYON

“Ang taong marunong ay makikinig at kukuha ng higit pang turo,” sabi ni Solomon, hari ng sinaunang Israel. Kung minsan, ang karamihan sa atin ay nakagagawa ng di-matatalinong pasiya dahil lamang sa hindi tayo nakinig sa payo ng iba.” — Kawikaan 1:5.

Lahat naman ng bagay pinagdidisyunan, maliit man ito o malaki. Kahit itong pagbasa mo sa post na to, nag desisyon ka rin bago mo to basahin. Hindi mo lang pansin. Ang dali mong mapag-decide no? Isa ata ako dun sa madaling magdesisyon. May mga panahon na padalos dalos akong madesisyon, minsan naman pinagiisipan ko din ito ng mabuti. Pero nararapat na pagisipan muna ang lahat lalo na kung involved ang puso sa pagdedesisyon. Sabi nga nila, ang padalos dalos na desisyon ay minsan nauuwi sa kapahamakan. At malinaw din na sinabi ng Bibliya na: “Ang padalus-dalos ay tiyak na patungo sa kakapusan.”

May mga desisyon na nagdudulot ng mabibigat na kahihinatnan. Samakatuwid, sikaping tiyakin nang patiuna kung ano ang magiging mga kahihinatnan nito. Mag-ingat na hindi ka mabulag sa posibleng di-kanais-nais na pangmatagalang mga resulta dahil sa panandaliang mga pakinabang. “Matalino ang nakakakita ng kapahamakan at nagkukubli, ngunit ang mga walang-karanasan ay dumaraan at daranas ng kaparusahan,” ang babala ng Kawikaan 22:3.

Itong taon na ito (2014), may mga naging desisyon akong padalos dalos. Gusto ko man i-share dito ang mga pagkakataon na iyon pero mas pipiliin ko na lang na i-private iyon. Ang importante sa dulo, Natuto! Lahat naman siguro tayo ay mga momentong ganto. Sa huli, tanggap na natin pero ang sakit sakit pa din. Gawa ng mga consequences na natanggap natin dahil sa padalos-dalos na padedesisyon. Sad. Pero, salamat sa Panginoon, because, “HE’S MERCY AND GRACE STILL REMAINS”

3. NAWALAN AKO NG WALLET

Isa to sa napakasakit na pagkakataon sa isang tao ang MAWALAN ka. Lalo na kung napakahalagang bagay sa’yo nito. Para sa akin, napakahalaga ng wallet, hindi lang dahil sa dito mo nilalagay ang pera mo, ang allowance mo, picture mo (hahahaha), pero sa kadahilanan na ding nandun ang mga ‘remembrances’ na meron ako. I think last last month ata ako nawalan ng wallet. Magkasunod na week ako nawalan. Yung unang wallet na nawala sakin, napakahalaga. Nandun yung mga tickets na inattendan ko, yung gospel card/invitation na unang invite sakin sa CYOD, may lamang P300.00, pictures o remembrance sakin ng mga taong malalapit sakin puso, may cards, ID’s simula nung kinder ako, may mga abububot halo halo. Everyday naiisip ko pa din nawala yung wallet ko, nasasaktan pa din ako. huhuhuhuu. Pero kahit anung ungol ko di na naman yon mababalik. Sad.

4. WALA AKONG NADATNAN SA NUVALI

Ang pinakalast. Dahil pinakalast at recently lang siya. Medyo ouchie pa siya. Fresh na fresh! Tanggap ko na pero sakit pa din. December 22, 2014, pumunta akong nuvali with Bea Samapang, Yap Madronero & Sr. Melchor Ortaleza. Ayon excited na ko. December 21, 2014 pumunta dito si yap pinaalam na ko haha kahit ako yung nagyaya sa kanila. Hanggang sa napayagan na ko. 6PM start nung event hanggang 10PM. So December 22, heto na siya. Maaga pa lang nagdevotion na ko. Imagine isa sa mga 7 big prayer requests ko, masasagot yung isa sa araw na iyon. Kaya excited na excited na ko. Hanggang sa 4:00PM nagprepare na ko. 6:00PM umalis na kami. Byumahe. Kinakabahan ako at the same time, excited na. Yey! Pagdating ayun nakita ko na ay di pala *napasigaw pa ko* wooo! kinakabahan na ko kasi parang wala naman. Baka manghinayang lang ako. Kaya antay pa kami ng ilang oras. Hanggang sa nagdesisyon na kaming umalis na at pumuntang paseo. Naibuhos na lang sa pagkaen. Pero okay lang nagenjoy naman akong nakasama sila. *Sorry, medyo blured.*

10866976_818053401550435_793453804_n

Pero syempre wala naman dapat ituro sa lahat ng ito kung ang sarili mo mismo.

1. Kung nagpaalam sana ako ng maaga at pinagdasal ko ng sobra sobra makakasama sana kong fire camp.

2. Kung pinagisipan ko muna sana ng mabuti.

3. Kung pinaginagatan ko yung wallet ko.

4. Kung inalam ko muna kung may madadatnan ako dun o wala.

Tanggap ko na pero ang sakit sakit pa din! Hehe.

Write the Vision

Write

Few days to go and we will be celebrating the birthday who gave salvation to us. Although it’s really not the true date it doesn’t matter. What’s the most important is at the start of the day, giving thanks to the Lord who gave His one and only life for us to be reconnected to God. For sure, everyone is busy. Buying and wrapping gifts, preparing and having their grocery for Noche Buena. But, me I’m busy here to write my vision for the next coming year (2015). And I’m so excited to catch more visions from God. I decide to leave my past behind. As the days draw down toward December 31, I am watching and listening. I’m excited to show God’s vision for me. My pens are ready to write it down. I want to know the plans He has for me this next year. I know His ways are always good. Not my will. But His will.

As I read the bible reading for today. These verses struck me:

And the LORD answered me: “Write the vision; make it plain on tablets, so he may run who reads it.” (Habakkuk 2:2, ESV)

God says “Write down what you see.” I think it is vitally important to write out what God is telling you. That takes it out of the realm of feelings and helps you hold on to His Word even when things look bad.

Habakkuk also says that the vision must be written clearly so people can read it and then run well — so the readers may run.

Either way, our ability to run the race will is tied to our understanding of God’s plans for us.

God has an appointed time to fulfill the visions, dreams, and desires in your heart. I’ve check my journal a while ago and I use to take a look the list of my visions for 2014 and some of them didn’t happen (actually – many of them), and I felt sad about it. Just because it has taken a long time or because I’ve tried and failed doesn’t mean it’s not going to happen. I will not give up on those dreams and visions! My heart is shouting. My heart is desiring! And I will never stop praying and asking it to Jesus. I will not be complacent about pursuing what God has placed in my heart.

Our God is a faithful God. No matter how long it’s been, no matter how impossible things look, if you’ll stay in faith, your set time is coming.

Have a clear vision of yourself. Find ways to be there. Have a tunnel vision towards it. Don’t just stick to what or who you are right now. You are not being nurtured if you stay as is. You live to have a meaningful one.

Weekly Post: Chapter 3 (The lost and found)

WEEKLY POST(6)The story of my life has many chapters. One bad chapter doesn’t mean it’s the end of the book.

Sa dami dami dami dami dami dami ng tao dito sa mundo paano ko mahahanap ang nawawala kong wallet? Fresh pain a while ago. I have that feeling na maraming importanteng bagay doon para sa akin. Memories and remembrance? Yung gospel and invitation na unang invite sa akin. Yung id’s, yung tickets. syempre yung allowance. Lahat lahat pati yung wallet na mahal :\, I too much value the things I have and the things that are given to me that’s why it cause me pain. Sunday morning when I lost my wallet. I dunno’ where I misplace it. All I know, that wallet is very important to me. Umaasa akong maibabalik siya. Til’ now, the pain. It won’t go away, today. But the reality too won’t change. It is a decision for me to completely forget what happened and convince myself that it never come back anymore. But I pray, kung sino man may hawak nung wallet na iyon. Lord, touch his/her heart. So I will wake up in the morning bearing the pain of reality because I am in the road of accepting. Wallet lang yun, hindi ko pagpapalit ang gladness ko.

The truth is, I will not blog about this, wallet thinggy-u know. I’m physically tired pero magalak ang aking puso sa pagkapanalo nitong intams. 3 days intrams was a great experience for me. First time ko mag-intrams sa AMA. And I received 3 champions (Table tennis – Single [Women] & Mixed Doubles, Badminton -Single[Women]) All glory belongs to God! One thing I realized, nanalo nga ako. But after all this thing, Inside my heart, may lungkot pa din. This coming saturday, may event sa church. Na dapat nakapaginvite ako instead of playing around, hitting that shuttlecock. Waking up early, doing stretching and waiting for the game. I feel guilt. I feel unsatisfied. I feel sad. Because I feel right now, that it was a wrong way. But, thanks be to God, for His mercy and grace. For He is a forgiving God!

Blessed is he whose transgression is forgiven, Whose sin is covered. Blessed is the man to whom the Lord does not impute iniquity, And in whose spirit there is no deceit. (Psalms 32:1-2, NIV)

Sa kabila ng lahat ng ito, saya sa pagkapanalo at lungkot sa biglang pagkawala, Still, PRAISE GOD! Maybe now, I’ll start another chapter. Move on. I am seeking always to have a start because I want to forget things I’ve done in a wrong way. But it is supposed to be like that? Forgetting what is behind and run like you had never carried faults in your life?

Do we really need to forget? Because at some point, sometimes, I see sweetness in pain. I see a charm in tears that have fallen. Looking back, thou’ it was a mess and unattractive, it is the reason I appreciate where I am and what I have today.

Mistakes, pains, and hardships are the ones we  mostly want to forget. But it is all the ones that  make us to keep going. We  keep trying harder, we keep fighting, we keep running, and we keep making things in proper order to rebuild things rightly. It  helps us to create our trace in this world. So that at the end of our lives we can say to ourselves, “My Life isn’t lifeless at all!” 

At the  end of  the  day I realize it is not about everything that happened. It is about the time I am always looking at. I am still that girl who thinks that time is always running out. I still put comfort in fast-paced and never want to see things slowly or in its regularity. Still, every time I fell to the ground, & every time I fail, still God’s mercy remains. Failure and success are both the possible endings of every season in my life.

In failure, I truly learn my weaknesses and things I cannot do next time. In success, I learn my strengths, the things I can and qualities I have that I can use again. And in both, I experience the mercy, grace and love of God. It is like learning the advantages and disadvantages of things around me.

What matters for me is the journey and not the ending. Endings are just bonus where I can say “Yeheyyyy! Finally, tapos na.” or “Wow! It is awesome! I want to do it again!” And in every journey I am in naman there’s only one thing that is always being point up. It is GOD IS IN ME, GOD IS WITH ME & GOD IS FOR ME and there’s always a next chapter with Him. I was lost for a week but now I am found again. More grace more love.

When do I ever learn? I am always like this and makes me forget to enjoy things  at a time. I am greedy to have it all at once not realizing that one present a day is equal to unceasing happiness than getting and unwrapping the gifts at  one once and not having anything tomorrow. 

I know that I have to go back. I do not know where to find what I am losing because I don’t also know what specifically I have lost. But if there’s one thing I am sure of right now, it is the want to write the way I used to. To find the softness again. To go back.

Balik laban!

Life is a battle and a race. A battle with God’s enemy and a race where winner does not mean you are the fastest but the strongest and the one who really perseveres. Because the race I am talking about is not just an ordinary one, it is a race where  you are risking it all for your faith.

Right now, I feel better. I find comfort because of- JESUS ♥

My Prayer:

Remember your word to your servant, in which you have made me hope. This is my comfort in my affliction, that your promise gives me life. The insolent utterly deride me, but I do not turn away from your law. (Psalms 118:49-51, ESV)

I will not give up. Because You trust me in this. You want me in this. Paul found joy in suffering, I should have too. Because we both have You. In this moment where I gave up myself planning for my future, I can only say Your Name and nothing more. Lord, your grace is sufficient in my weakness.

Hello College!

Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. (Isaiah 41:10 ESV)

Just began one of the biggest chapters of my life, so I might as well keep a record of it, starting today. My 1st day in college life.

My eyes darted from each passing stony face. My heart pounded. Butterflies infiltrated my stomach. It felt like the first day of high school all over again. Except this time, I was completely on my own. (Iba nga daw ang college sa high school, So what to expect?)

First day at college is the most stressful day of their lives because they don’t know what to expect or they just don’t want to go through an embarrassing situation (based on observation a while ago), but for me it was the most exciting day of my life. 50% Excited and 50% Not yet ready. First, I met new people who I shared my interests with. Second it was a whole new experience & new knowledge for me in which success made on me, and third it was the first day that I started studying something that I really liked. The goal of a college student is not to merely survive; it is to thrive: academically, socially, and otherwise. Sir. Yolito says “This ain’t high school anymore. This is not a competition neither, no one can dictate on what you have to do. You have your freedom here at AMA.” Going to college automatically changes my perspective of life. New opportunities, new environment, new friends/classmates, new experiences, learn new things and a whole new world opens up before you. This is the time to make mistakes and learn as you step towards your future to become someone in life, but it all begins from that first day:

Preparing for monday:

Image

ImageImage

I miss those composition notebooks that’s why I took those pictures. then I finally bought a Cute Kitty Cat Notebook Binder + Green Ballpens = Preparing for college. (Naninibago pa talaga ko sa papamili) It tooks a lot of time to choose my binder then, finally found a good one. When I’m about to prepare my bag, my kuya is laughing at me, because I have scotch tapes, scissors, color pencils, ruler, pentel, and a lot of ballpens. He was just teasing me, Ano high school? Ano elementary? Eh Girl scout to eh!

**************

A lot of adjustment is setting up..

Sandata bago sumugod sa school:

Image

My Schedule: (Thank you, Lord for this schedule. I have a whole time on church every saturday)

Image

On the way to school. First day of school – medyo late (di naman super) hehe. Enebenemenyeeeen! Well, I realize that heading to college gives us a sense of responsibility as well as freedom. Ikaw mamimili. gigising ka ba ng maaga o hindi?

**************

Image

Promise 5 minutes na lang gigising na ako. teka 10 minutes na lang talaga promith. Ang hirap gumising sa college, Masasanay din ito!

Image

First the room was like a solemn spring.  I bet everyone was so nervous on our first day at college. But, I met lots of people who were as excited as me for their first day at college. I really enjoyed that day because everybody I talked to were people who were going to study CS/IT with me, so we shared the same interest. My new friends and I talked a lot that day about the first things that crossed our minds, and then we exchanged our facebook, instagram and twitter. Thanks to AMAstudents-wifi. In my case I tried to look for the people who where completely interested with this course, and I think I overdid. I stand up on my sit and shake each other’s hands to all of them, I also introduce myself and ask all of their name. I thought I was on Campus Youth of Destiny. I really enjoyed to know them, to meet them and to be part of CA Section.

**************

Image

 **************

They’re checkin’ out our Certificate of Registration + write your name, section, course on a 1/8 sheet of paper:

Image

**************

(8:00-9:00am – College Algebra) Mr. Yolito Lucenio is about to ask us one-by-one.

What are your expectations? & Why did you chose AMA? (But I wasn’t called).

They also ask who are the honor students, and scholars. (Sir, here sir!)

(9:00-10:00am – Trigo) Mr. Anthony Sibayan our Math teacher. He leaves us a saying:

Image

He call us one-by one, and introduce ourselves in front of the class. Sir Sibayan says, ‘tell me about yourself. your name. strength & weaknesses. expectation with this subject. why do you prefer this course. & 4 years from now, what are your plans? & anything you can add on?

ME: Sheim Jarra Palmes. Taking up BS Computer Science . Uhmm, my strength is logic while my weakness is arithmetic. Pinili ko tong course na ito, because I know I’m born for this! 4 years from now, I’m one of the best web developer or web designer (it’s either) in the Philippines. (But, when I already told that I realize my vision was too small, let’s make it bigger – WHOLE NATION na lang pala. Hahahaha! too late to tell)

“And it shall come to pass afterward, that I will pour out my Spirit on all flesh; your sons and your daughters shall prophesy, your old men shall dream dreams, and your young men shall see visions.” (Joel 2:28 ESV)

Mangarap ka ineng/totoy!

For still the vision awaits its appointed time; it hastens to the end—it will not lie. If it seems slow, wait for it; it will surely come; it will not delay. (Habakkuk 2:3 ESV)

Let it happen! & Let’s wait for the right time!

Had a great time and great lunch with them:

Image

Image

That’s it. Thanks for those who message me. & for those who do a novel message for me hahaha! Good luck & God bless by my friends. You’re too many to mention. Thanks my brothaa (Jomar Palmes) for cooking a carbonara for my breakfast.

 Image

One step, forward. (Considering I don’t fail. But I won’t stop. I will dream high.)

Heading off to college is both an exciting and challenging experience. First, exciting because you will have new school to go, new classmates to meet and new environment. Second, challenging because in College you will make many decisions that can bring you down or bring you up to success. There’s a lot of trial and error to experience. and definitely, a lot of temptation also. But of course, I know my identity in Christ. Why should I be afraid of? It’s heartbreaking to say farewell to high school life but I know as I close this chapter of my life, I will open another one. When I graduated high school level, the first question poped in my mind was “What’s school will I enroll to? & What course is really for me? in other word, What is God’s plan for me?”

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. (Jeremiah 29:11, NIV)

The pressure is setting in..

The University of the Philippines College Admission Test (UPCAT) is one of the most awaited exams a high school student would take. It brings about a certain anticipation coupled with anxiety. It is, after all, the first and usually the biggest entrance test graduating students take. All the other entrance exams to other universities come after it. When you say intelligent people, first university will come to your mind, is UP. Many students are dreaming for it. It’s because everyone knows that in our future when we’re applying for jobs, school will be one of the most basis for acceptance. And UP is the best school, as others say. All my life, I’ve dreamed of studying at the University of the Philippines. I’ve yearned to become a scholar ng bayan for about a years now. I was so positive that I’ll get to study there one day; hence, my parents didn’t allow me to take entrance exam at UP for several reason, then I have no choice but to obey them, accept the fact that I’m not for UP & just look for other university out there. I tried to convinced them but eventually, it turned out to be a hopeless case, I didn’t even hear ‘Yes, You can take UPCAT’

So I look for other University. I planned to be an Engineer. Field of Electronics and Communication. I don’t know why I really like this course, I’m really determined to be an engineer in the future. I’m really confused with this. Since I was kinder, Since I steped in school, I dreamed to be TV Host/Radio Host/News Caster/News Reporter/VJ/ anything that are related to Mass Communication Major in Broadcasting. That’s my passion &- at the same time, I know that I’m good in talking and talking and talking, that’s why. hehehe, If you know me then you don’t need to ask me anymore why. Fourth year high school, everything has changed. I don’t know why. God really put me on the course were I’m not really good at; I’m not passionate, I have no interest, in other word, I don’t like’em. Related in Math. Like wuuuut? Why engineer? So, I have no choice, I need to become a Math lover. Math wizard? lol, Fourth year, I tried to listen to our teacher, I do also my assignments, I do recite, I do my seatworks. I’m trying to understand those <errrrrr>. I can’t explain. I don’t like trigonometry, ever! I was just thinking that time; ” Pag ba nag-trabaho na ako susukatin ko pa ba yung angle angle ng bawat gagawin ko ” Math really driving me crazy. I totally hate math when I started to saw letters? x+y. I dunno know, I love math when I was elementary, I really like to join math quiz bee’s, anything related to math but 1st year to 4th year High school, I have no interest to listen to our math teacher anymore. I am too shy to say this but honestly, I don’t understand anything about Algebra, Geometry and Trigonometry that were discussed by our teachers. hehehe, Then, Ok Laugh. I know in myself that I tried hard.

I prefer BS Electronics Communication Engineering at Technological University of the Philippines-Taguig. that was January 15, 2014 (first batch) when I take an entrance exam So here it is, I was being positive to pass the exam. I claimed, I declared, and I prayed harder. If this Is really God’s will for me then I will be part of this institution but unfortunately, I didn’t pass 😦 I failed. When, TUP already sent a letter in our house, I’m still sleeping that time and I heard my parents was talking about that I didn’t pass the exam, they wake me up and told me I didn’t make it. But I thought everything was a Joke. They’re just kiddin’ me, I know that. So, before I woke up, I pray first. I was declaring that I pass TUP-exam but suddenly, Sheim Jarra Blanco Palmes, You FAILED! (Take note: It’s capital F-A-I-L-E-D!) It hurts. that was the feeling when I read the TUP- letter. Ouch! Well, I didn’t have to be shocked. I didn’t answer all the parts of exam, I leave 30 items on Test G, and aside from that I didn’t ate my breakfast before I took the exam so my brain is hanging upside down while taking exam, Like what is this? ‘Sequence, napakabagal mag-isip. tsk’ . As if my expectations haven’t been deflated enough, I failed miserably in math for sure, as always. My math ability disappoints me. then, I know I’m just an average student since I was born to study; surely, the public school produces great, smart and intelligent student. who am I compared to those students, while me studied in private school ever since. Just like what other says, There are more intelligent students in public schools while me grew up in private school, I have nothing to blow. I really felt down. But I have to accept it. On that day, I easily get up, and look for other university again. As I said to myself, ‘I have to rise up and not to stick with this thing. I don’t have to be affected all over. Why should I? eh, I am being so loved by my great Daddy God, I was able to find strength to at least stop disappointing myself after those bad result. I don’t have to be sad all day, all night, because I know I am destined for bigger dreams and bigger goals in life, all I have to do is to embrace it and let it happen! My future is secured in His hands. I just have to trust Him.

My classmates told me that there are free cheng eng teng scholarship exams on SPCBA so, I grab it. 

1623751_804975159515825_1546249365_n

I’ve got 50% discount. I passed. I know God won’t let me down.

Of course, I have to look for other school again. SPCBA is just my option.

The day I take PUPCET.

collage1

I take PUPCET at Sta.Rosa branch even though there is a San Pedro branch here. I prefer Sta. Rosa the reason is there is no Electronics Communication Engineering at San Pedro so I decided to go for Sta. Rosa. Then for a few weeks I settled my requirements for PUPCET. My mama paid 525pesos on land bank, and I take a 2×2 picture, before the day of my Entrance Exam. I was able to fix that all. When it’s all done. I was so very excited, I told myself that this time I need to pass this. I am very determined & I am really optimistic that time. I was full of positive thoughts on my mind I know that I can do this and I am highly favor by my Almighty God in Heaven but deep inside of course, I can’t prevent, I am a lil’bit frightened. I was just wondering If I didn’t pass this then, I know my parents will be disappointed to me. They spend money for me, for my entrance exams, then I just failed it all. First TUP then now PUP even though I pass SPCBA. It’s just an option in case I didn’t pass all the entrance exams I took. Aside from that It’s just my classmates who persuades me to take cheng eng teng scholarship exam. (wala namang mawawala) Let’s try SPCBA, It’s free and we can get a scholarship so I was just like ‘ Tara! Tara! Ok. Back to PUPCET hehe The day came. March 30 (2nd Shift) I was claiming that time to pass the exam. After 2 hours travellin’ I was at Mcdonald near Puregold Tagapo. I’m too early to go at PUP Sta. Rosa yet, I have to wait 3 hours. My mama told me that I have to eat breakfast first to prevent my brain hanging upside down (lol) so, I can answer my exam well. (I don’t want my TUP-experience to happen again, no breakfast then, this time I have to eat a lot) After 2 and a half hours, well, here I come PUP! There was a fresh air there but when I already come inside like woooooah ‘Sobrang init, anggulo ng linya, ang daming tao at damang-dama ko na ang feeling sa public’ Sorry po for being maarte hehehe, that’s my first time to encounter like that. Pero inside my heart, I want this one. I want this campus. Campus where I am going to be developed & campus where I am going to conquer for Jesus! It’s challenging & I’m really ready to get out of my boat, to stand out my comfort zone. & I’m ready to face those struggles that I will encounter everyday of my college life, for sure watatatatata. I was so exhausted even I’m not still in the room. ‘Am I having an audition for Pinoy Big Brother?’. I’m ready to take the exam. There are two proctors there the other one was really like a monster; Very strict. I was so scared to be embarassed that time so, behave sheimy. Don’t talk too much. & do the best you can aja! While taking the exam, the girl that sent from above is about to checked our requirements at some later time, again I failed. ‘Punit ang paper ko I thought I have to cut it because there’s a dotted lines there but that’s just an “I thought” huhuhu  Thank God, she just whisper to me that ‘next time’..  *sigh* And yes! she didn’t announced it in the whole class. I’m safe. Next time, double read the instructions, sheimy! “Ako lang yung nakahating papel” ='( I realized that I really don’t check the instruction clearly or maybe listened. My mama already told me not to cut it in half because there’s no instruction there to cut the e-permit but suddenly I didn’t followed and still I cut it in a half and followed the dotted lines. Always failed (⌣̩̩́_⌣̩̩̀)   then after taking the exam my name is special mention, like woooah this is so embarassing! Palmes, you have to complete the right requirements on or before April 02. My 2×2 picture size is just 1.5×1.5 picture size. So then, my mama spend money again. That time we went in rush to Sta.Rosa Bayan to re-scan it in 2×2 picture size and back to PUP again. We have to fall in line again & again. Super haba! We have waited for one and a half hours. After a long journey. I failed. Sad to say, I didn’t pass the PUPCET. April 29, I’m ready to check the result on PUP.edu website, (even though I am already enrolled in AMA Computer College Biñan) Yesterday, I silently prayed and hoped that I got to see my name as one of the passers. but yeah, I didn’t see my name. My heart was crushed. Okay. It made me sad, but I think I really deserved it since I didn’t study.  My papa always reminds me every now and then to study harder. He told me that How can I pass those exams If I don’t have an interest to study and learn more. He bought me a lot of books, but I didn’t open those expensive books ever since. I thought I can pass it even if I didn’t review. I was so confident with my stock knowledge. but unfortunately, that’s not enough!

One thing a realized : FAITH WITHOUT ACTION IS DEATH

il_fullxfull-304160959

Yes, I know this! that Faith without action is death. but sometimes, We forget what’s the real essence of this when we’re about to that situation. Do something and Let it happen! I have to accept because I know It’s really my fault, no other than. I didn’t study well. And I also have a doubt in myself to pass those entrance exams. I was so self-pity which is not good. But then again, I know that God has a better plan for me. I kind of got over it as the time passed by. The Lord has His ways. I know He knows what the best for me.

So, eventually, I was enrolled last week (April 22 ) to AMA Computer College taking BS Computer Science. I took the AMA-entrance exam and yeah, I passed. Still, I have a lil’bit bitterness with those entrance exams I failed. If I know that I will not pass it and still I  fall with this campus, I wish that I didn’t take those exams in other universities to not feel this disappointments. But then, when I read my bible, it uplift my soul and spirit. It reminds me that ” THERE’S ALWAYS BE A PURPOSE FOR EVERYTHING” 

10250219_832591253420882_122205680456963621_n

And another blessing, I got a political scholarship on Munsipyo from our Vice Mayor – Hon. Rafael P. Campos. 50% discount until I graduate to college but there’s also a maintaining grade. I thank God for this. He never failed to bless and to amaze me and I know he will never ever fail. This scholarship is such a big help for my family.

10259875_843179329028741_8278320022161951896_n

Though they stumble, they will never fall, for the LORD holds them by the hand. (Psalms 37:24, NLT)

Anyway, here is the pencil I used for my TUP-entrance exam and PUPCET. After posting this picture on VSCO, I told this to my mama and papa: “Pakiramdam ko po talaga hindi ako matalino =(” WARNING: Don’t ever tell it to yourself – (Wag gayahin!) Hehehe. We are all intelligent because we are the children of God. Tuloy ang buhay! hehehe. I am really too shy to share this entrance exams experiences.  I don’t want this to share on facebook or to other social networks. After all this failures? Why do I have to?  Just to share my failures to other people and to underestimate me? but definitely, no.. that’s not the point. Lately, I was about to share this to my other friends. I realized that there’s nothing to be ashamed of. Because of this experience, I learned a lot. Getting stronger now and then, and being more determined to study. Mas lalong nangarap! Dream High. 

10168152_843178759028798_2510045964306823684_n

Now I know what’s really my purpose. I know what’s really am I for. After praying it for almost 1 and a half year, Always telling Him, ‘Not my will but, Father, Let your will be done’ Finally, God already put me there& I know I was born for this: [since grade 2, I am very interested to this stuff without tutoring me, (Glory to God) though, it’s basic but I have a lil’bit knowledge. & I can’t imagine that on my very young age, I am really passionate to do this thing and at the same time, still learning. I didn’t expect to be on this course, Honestly, I don’t like to take Computer-related courses because my kuya is already an IT. And at the same time, Engineering to Computer Science? huh? It’s like Hardware to Software? Well, I am going to embrace this, because I know this is God’s will for me.) I AM BORN TO BE..

Can-a-Web-Developer-Also-be-a-Web-Designer-1

Keep Dreaming! Keep Believing! Never Stop!