What I Want VS. What God Wants

June 02, 2016 exactly 12 a.m in the morning it was announced in Manila X Festival’s site that I won 2 tickets. Obviously, I was so surprise and glad. Before June 02, 2016 around last week of May, I really prayed and did an action to win in that contest because, I really wanted to be there and witness the first ever Manila X Festival. And most of all, I want to see my favorite artist and bands there like Yeng Constantino, Up Dharma Down and The Juans. hehehe. So, I don’t want to miss that opportunity. But, to make the long story short, I couldn’t make it. (Right now, I’m very sure the concert is on going. lol.) Last night, after my night class, I went to church for worker’s meeting. And then, my mentor already knew it that I will not be able to attend CYOD even if I didn’t tell her earlier so one of my ka-mentee teased me hahaha. Plus, travelling back at home my disciple PM’ed me. She told me that she will attend CYOD. So, I am more confused If I’m still going on Manila X Festival or will attend CYOD. Huhuhu. I talked to GOD. And praying for a wisdom. Because, that moment I don’t feel a sense of “peace” to go in that concert. Although, that’s once in a lifetime. Yes, honestly, I don’t want to miss the opportunity to see my fav’s. But, it will break my heart if I miss the opportunity to meet my disciples.

June 04, 2016, 9 a.m in the morning it was all set. I’m very prepared and excited for the concert but still my heart is not at peace. After a few hours, my best friend called me that she can’t make it today. I felt sad about her news. So, I texted my other friends and one of my friend is willing to be with me. But then, I decided not to go anymore. So, I already told my mama & my mentor that I won’t go on Manila X Festival. My mama told me that maybe “it is God’s will”. And my mentor told me that “God has His ways.” In any decision we have the opportunity to choose. And this is one of the opportunity to practice wisdom. There is a purpose behind everything. I am so busy planning for the concert not even asking God’s opinion about it. Now, I learn to lean. I learn to ask and seek. I learn to be more obedient [obedience out of love]. I learn that my God is so powerful enough to do and fulfill EVERYTHING in EVERY WAY. I want Him to direct my path even when I’m about to make choices in life. So, yeah, I was about to take a bath a while ago when GOD spoke to me, I just cried.. To be honest, I want to be in Manila X Festival but, I want to obey and submit to God [out of love]. I should be serious about following God’s will, and I have to recognize that it’s not about getting what I want, but what God asks. His will is what’s best for me. 2PM, me and my ka-meente went to te amo and 4PM, I attended CYOD. I’m telling you, “It’s worth it!”. Worth it to choose HIM first and put GOD above all else.

My Roller Coaster 2015

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365/365. This is the last day of 2015. So before 2015 ends, I decided to share some experiences,  tell you what has been happening in my life. And share the things that excite me. I just want to share this verse, readers! Deut. 31:6, masasabi kong parang roller coaster talaga ang 2015 ko, masyado ng gasgas ang quotation na “Ang buhay ay parang roller coaster, may ups and downs. ” Pero yun naman talaga yun eh may ups, downs, screams, laughs. Pero, sa lahat ng yon, Deut. 31:6 ang pangako ng Diyos na aking pinanghawakan sa buong taon.

Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the LORD your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you. (Deuteronomy 31:6, ESV)

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For the last couple of months, I have been in transition. Okay tapos hindi, okay tapos hindi okay. Tataas sabay bababa, tataas sabay bababa. Pero sa lahat ng yon, dun ako mas lalong naging matatag, dun ko mas lalong nakilala yung sarili ko, dun mas lumabas yung tunay na ako, dun ako mas na transform, and it’s all because of His unending grace in my life. Too many to mention sa mga nangyare sakin, sa mga natutunan, sa mga big events sa buhay ko, lalo na’t pagdating sa school. Looking back on 2015, being a president of Junior Philippine Computer Society – AMA Biñan Local Chapter is one of the longest and hardest journey in my life. The rest of the time, I have to deal with people issues. You really have to be strong and courageous to handle everything, in terms of physical and emotional area. In all my year of leadership and representing JPCS, I can hardly recall a time when I was not dealing with an issue as such.  Some people issues are small, some are big, and some are unbearably painful. But, as I grew, I was able to handle those issues by the help of our God. Because of God’s wisdom in my life, I was able to manage all those issues, as long as I know my identity in Christ. Maybe, If I am not careful and was not able to manage, it can keep me up at night, and send me into bouts of depression, discourage and anxious.  Why?  Because understanding, inspiring, organizing, aligning, and keeping a group of people focused and passionate is simply difficult. Also, I always have to remind myself that I don’t have to please people. Being a leader can be a rewarding experience but it also means facing a host of anticipated and unexpected challenges.

Dumating din sa point na kailangan kong ayusin yung mga priorities ko sa buhay. The most challenging year as well. Struggle sa scholar, struggle sa pagpapataas ng grades, struggle na lang sa lahat. But then, I always have to remind myself ano nga ba talaga ang first priority ko? It is then that I should play my role as a wise, focused, and resolute servant of God. Time management is very important as well. Yan naman yung taon-taon na gusto kong iimprove sa sarili ko kung paano ko mamanage ang time ko.

Sa buong 2015 ko, alam ko si Lord ang aking kasama. Kaya nagagawa ko ang lahat ng ito. Sa lahat ng scars, hurts, pains, burdens, brokenness, sadness, I still thank God for everthing dahil walang panahon na pinabayaan Niya ko. Wala kong maisip na oras na iniwan Niya ko sa panahon na walang wala ako, sa panahon na down na down ako. Though, I feel tired and my breathlessness is still there in the wings, I have rested as much as I can so that I can try and fight this journey that little bit more. I’d say 2015 has been an incredibly tough year, It’s certainly been one of my most difficult, confusing years I’ve triumphed thus far & I know I’m not the only one in that boat. Right? But then, this scars reminds me how good and how faithful the Lord is. Sa pagtatapos ng taon ko, akala ko okay na, tapos na, akala ko magiging smooth na lahat, pero hindi pala. Isa sa mga painful experience ko yung pagtatapos ng taon (Too private). Pero kahit ganun pa man, dun mo pa din talaga makikita kung gaano kabuti ang Diyos sa buhay ko. Kahit na naranasan ko yun and I know everyone of us will experience that o yung iba na experience na, lahat naman tayo pagdadaanan yung sakit na ganun, always remind yourself : “Deuteronomy 31:6” Alalahin lang natin lahat ng pangako ng Diyos. God is so faithful. God is so good. God is so gracious. God is so awesome!

I know the Lord is always with me. I will not be shaken, for he is right beside me. (Psalms 16:8)

After all, I think we are only just at the beginning of a very long and unknown journey. And as they say what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger!

So this was 2015 and it was fully packed and intense but in the end it was lacking far behind a lot of my personal goals and hopes, it’s good to be on a longer time out to find time to think about it again and make 2016 a bigger, better year and prove that mistakes can be made as long as you learned the lesson and adjust.

I have seen many failures throughout the year by myself but still God’s mercy and grace still remains. I thank God for having my family, church mates, mentor, disciple, and friends which I am tremendously, incredibly thankful. Thank you sa mga nag-stay. Thank you sa mga naging parte ng 2015 ko at sa mga susunod pang taon. Thank you sa mga nandiyan parati.Hindi ko na kayo iisa-isahin. Maraming salamat sa inyo!

There are many things in life to be thankful for.

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose. (Romans 8:28, NIV)

Marami pa rin ang mga blessings na dapat ipagpasalamat sa Diyos. Sobrang dami. Sobrang dami at sobrang dami. Una na sa lahat diyan ay ang makasama yung family ko magsimba tuwing Linggo. Kung meron man akong sobrang ipagpapasalamat sa Diyos yun ay yung blinessed ako ng family na ganto. A big shoutout to my family for standing by my side through this whole year. For my family who held my hand and said, “You got this!” in the times I was so close to giving up. My family who’s always there for me. Thank you, for an open ears to all my never-ending rants, for all the dramas, for all the kwentos and laughs. For my family who really cheered on me and supported me all through out the year, thank you so much and i love you.

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After all, It’s a “BLESSED 2015”, looking back at the past 12 months, it has really been such a blast. This year has been one full of surprises. God gave me more than I expected and more than I think I’ll ever need. Thank You for all the answered prayers, Lord. As much as I want to repeat 2015, all I can do now is look and move forward to the new year. I can’t wait to see what’s in store for me!

This year, I started writing the things that I want to achieve within this year and I am glad that most of those that I’ve written were already crossed out. Super excited na ko ngayong taon. Since, this 2016 mag dedebut na ko. Wuhooo! I’m turning 18 on February 27, 2016. *Oops!*. Excited na ko sa mga gagawin pa ni Lord sa buhay ko. Since, isa pa sa mga unforgettable experience ko ang maranasan ang Fire Camp nung Dec. 27, 28 & 29 kelan lang siya, so eto ako on fire na on fire. Wuhooo! And praying na mamaintain na to, ggang matapos ang taong 2016.

Making goals is one of my favorite things to do. I love having a plan, something to work towards.

Let’s make goals this year:
1) Share the Gospel to at least one person each month & build a cell group on my campus and on LNC as well, ask for they’re commitment towards the gift of eternal life the Lord Jesus offers.
2) Consistent spiritual discipline – quiet time in the morning (prayer, devotion, bible-reading, and quiet time/listening to God) and praying unceasingly as each moment goes.
3) Being productive and excellent on Digisciple (Ministry). To learn more and improve my commitment as well.
4) Encourage others through God’s Word as the Holy Spirit leads. Include prayer, too, and best done together if you can.
5) Use my planner every day I would really like 2016 to be a year of staying organized and on track. Checking on the short-term and long-term goal and make it happen as well.

Hoping to learn more in 2016 and a more productive year ahead of me and of you, too. Yow, Happy New Year!

It is always my goal to make the next year even better than the previous. I’m very excited to see what surprises God has in store for me this year! yay! 2016, I’m sure you will be amazing!

I’m so excited to embrace 2016. Not just with New Year Resolutions but, with an openness to receive more visions & goals coming from the Lord.

Another year of success and happiness has passed. With every new year, comes greater challenges and obstacles in life.

Thank God for everything that happened this year. There may be bad times but there’s always good times.

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Lesson Learned: “Read the instructions very carefully”

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It’s so hard for me to think a good title. Ayt. My brain just works in a different way. I don’t have much to say. I suppose I never do. At least not out loud. Everything is always in my head, every random thought, every opinion, every idea, every feeling, squeezing my heart. It makes me tired. I figured, I should probably write it out, and that way let out my thoughts, my feelings. I miss this. I was never into diaries these past few weeks because of busyness, because of achuchuness I’m handling in school right now and I had exams last week and was struggling to find time, never mind starting a new blog and trying to keep it updated, lol so I’d give this blog a try since I have something to say.

What I’ve learned today…
“Read the instructions very carefully before completing any Petition.”

The meaning of a sentence can change based on one word or even one sentence. If you do skim or read sloppily you may miss it and misunderstand. It’s true that most of our reading is not imperative or life threatening if we make an error.

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I forgot to pay attention to every single word on our prelim examination at CS202 – Computer Programming 2. Because all I know and all I thought, our exam will be so easy for me. Because, some of my classmates told me that I’ll just laugh with it. It was an important exam for me and I studied really, really hard for it. It was supposed to be an easy exam. Everything pointed to it being an easy exam, but I studied as hard as I could for it anyway because it was an important exam. It’s a milestone. It’s one of those ridiculous steps we have to take in life so that we can climb just a little bit higher; I’m a ComScie student so I have to master the programming. So, it was important for me to develop my programming skill that’s why I push through. I was so hopeful and confident in that subject. So here it is, last week I was about to took my exam, and I took my exam for about 3 minutes, if I’m not mistaken. Anyways, that is a special exam. I was really confident that time that I will have perfect score. Test I – Multiple choice, Test II – True of false, oh speaking of true or false. I actually didn’t notice that I have to write my last name if the statement is true and write my first name if the statement is right. And guess what? Its two points each. I thought that was the last but there was another. In test III, I didn’t read the instructions again, I thought all I have to put is the output but then I was wrong. Because, I was so confident that the exam was so easy for me, my grade is lower than 80-90% and that was unexpected. Ayt. I didn’t notice the instructions at the very first place telling me that next time sheim you read the instructions very carefully.

I remember,
Doc Jecee says “Kaya nga unang una ang instruction eh, kasi yun yung pinakaimportante sa lahat, bago mo gagawin ang isang bagay o isasagot yung ganto ganyan, babasahin mo muna instructions”

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So that’s it. Hahahah. All I feel right now, NANGHIHINAYANG TALAGA KO. Hanggang pagtulog ko ata, nasa isip ko to. First time ko makakuha ng ganung grade. Grade conscious feels! Di ko siya matanggap nung una. Pero, sabi nga ni Sir Jerome kanina, sino ba yung nagsulat sa green booklet? So, I have no one to blame but myself. Nakakagulat lang kasi pag pasok ko na di dapat ako papasok kasi sobrang feel ko yung pagod. I have cold and cough. At masama talaga pakiramdam ko, pero pinilit ko pumasok kasi akala ko may laboratory exam kami just like what I’ve said, importante tong subject na to sakin. Dahil major. Pag bukas ko ng pinto bungad sakin yung ____% sa harap ng green booklet, I was like shocks! shocks! shocks! Bat’ ganto grade ko? Yesterday, I went home around 10PM and it was almost every day. Because of school works I have to do, and deadlines to meet for our org. Is it normal to feel this physically drained, right? Like I could only get out of bed by 6am and it just takes a lot of energy for me to even get up. Sometimes, I have no sleep yet. I’m even too tired to read or to catch up something in my acads. I’m just reading my bible lifelessly. For the Lord is my strength! I don’t think it is normal to feel so tired? No one else from my class is as exhausted as I am; they’re just going about their businesses as usual.

That’s why this is the verse of the week for me:

Exams are draining, most cognitively and physically. Feels like ang dami kong iniisip o kailangan pang gawin. Meron pa kong mga di natatake na prelim exam tapos mag mimidterm exam na. Ayt! Kaya, kailangan kong iremind yung sarili ko palagi na “SAY NO TO PRESSURE” talaga. There’s a lot of work goes into revision, there’s a lot of stress and anxiety and it’s all over in just a few weeks (a relatively short period of time). So there’s this huge buildup of work and anxiety in a short period of time for our org so of course it’s fine to feel tired. But then again,

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. – Phil. 4:13

Different people respond differently to exams. Like you some people feel absolutely exhausted at the end and then some people don’t; that’s it. Everyone is different in their responses to exams and in their preparations so it makes sense for people to respond differently at the end as well.

Kaya naman, I feel so sorry sa prof. namin sa subject na to. Kung napatahimik man ako sa klase, ang sakit lang talaga nung grade ko. Hahaha. No tampo po! I am blaming myself na di ko muna binasa yung instruction. And next time, una ko ng gagawin yun. Hahahah. Pagod lang rin kaya napatahimik na lang ako. Nadidivide yung utak ko. Maybe, I need a break… I should take some time out for myself. I found rest in God’s presence. Wooooh. Sobrang hungry sa rest. Kaya sana Sabbath day na hihi. I’ve done a lot of work recently and I deserve a rest. I’ll take the time that I need to recover and won’t compare myself to other people because I am all different.

I was thinking that this blog post is about learning to take tests well but also just reading directions on how to do something is dependent on careful reading of every single word. Take the first step “Read the instructions very carefully before completing any petition.” So, the careful reading of the passage part is an important life skill to learn and to make a habit of.
Hahaha. I find out where I’ve gone wrong and how I can improve, I need to read carefully first. Looking back and thinking about how things went. That’s all. My reflection for today. Thanks for spending your time reading my daily experience today.