What I Want VS. What God Wants

June 02, 2016 exactly 12 a.m in the morning it was announced in Manila X Festival’s site that I won 2 tickets. Obviously, I was so surprise and glad. Before June 02, 2016 around last week of May, I really prayed and did an action to win in that contest because, I really wanted to be there and witness the first ever Manila X Festival. And most of all, I want to see my favorite artist and bands there like Yeng Constantino, Up Dharma Down and The Juans. hehehe. So, I don’t want to miss that opportunity. But, to make the long story short, I couldn’t make it. (Right now, I’m very sure the concert is on going. lol.) Last night, after my night class, I went to church for worker’s meeting. And then, my mentor already knew it that I will not be able to attend CYOD even if I didn’t tell her earlier so one of my ka-mentee teased me hahaha. Plus, travelling back at home my disciple PM’ed me. She told me that she will attend CYOD. So, I am more confused If I’m still going on Manila X Festival or will attend CYOD. Huhuhu. I talked to GOD. And praying for a wisdom. Because, that moment I don’t feel a sense of “peace” to go in that concert. Although, that’s once in a lifetime. Yes, honestly, I don’t want to miss the opportunity to see my fav’s. But, it will break my heart if I miss the opportunity to meet my disciples.

June 04, 2016, 9 a.m in the morning it was all set. I’m very prepared and excited for the concert but still my heart is not at peace. After a few hours, my best friend called me that she can’t make it today. I felt sad about her news. So, I texted my other friends and one of my friend is willing to be with me. But then, I decided not to go anymore. So, I already told my mama & my mentor that I won’t go on Manila X Festival. My mama told me that maybe “it is God’s will”. And my mentor told me that “God has His ways.” In any decision we have the opportunity to choose. And this is one of the opportunity to practice wisdom. There is a purpose behind everything. I am so busy planning for the concert not even asking God’s opinion about it. Now, I learn to lean. I learn to ask and seek. I learn to be more obedient [obedience out of love]. I learn that my God is so powerful enough to do and fulfill EVERYTHING in EVERY WAY. I want Him to direct my path even when I’m about to make choices in life. So, yeah, I was about to take a bath a while ago when GOD spoke to me, I just cried.. To be honest, I want to be in Manila X Festival but, I want to obey and submit to God [out of love]. I should be serious about following God’s will, and I have to recognize that it’s not about getting what I want, but what God asks. His will is what’s best for me. 2PM, me and my ka-meente went to te amo and 4PM, I attended CYOD. I’m telling you, “It’s worth it!”. Worth it to choose HIM first and put GOD above all else.

My Roller Coaster 2015

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365/365. This is the last day of 2015. So before 2015 ends, I decided to share some experiences,  tell you what has been happening in my life. And share the things that excite me. I just want to share this verse, readers! Deut. 31:6, masasabi kong parang roller coaster talaga ang 2015 ko, masyado ng gasgas ang quotation na “Ang buhay ay parang roller coaster, may ups and downs. ” Pero yun naman talaga yun eh may ups, downs, screams, laughs. Pero, sa lahat ng yon, Deut. 31:6 ang pangako ng Diyos na aking pinanghawakan sa buong taon.

Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the LORD your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you. (Deuteronomy 31:6, ESV)

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For the last couple of months, I have been in transition. Okay tapos hindi, okay tapos hindi okay. Tataas sabay bababa, tataas sabay bababa. Pero sa lahat ng yon, dun ako mas lalong naging matatag, dun ko mas lalong nakilala yung sarili ko, dun mas lumabas yung tunay na ako, dun ako mas na transform, and it’s all because of His unending grace in my life. Too many to mention sa mga nangyare sakin, sa mga natutunan, sa mga big events sa buhay ko, lalo na’t pagdating sa school. Looking back on 2015, being a president of Junior Philippine Computer Society – AMA Biñan Local Chapter is one of the longest and hardest journey in my life. The rest of the time, I have to deal with people issues. You really have to be strong and courageous to handle everything, in terms of physical and emotional area. In all my year of leadership and representing JPCS, I can hardly recall a time when I was not dealing with an issue as such.  Some people issues are small, some are big, and some are unbearably painful. But, as I grew, I was able to handle those issues by the help of our God. Because of God’s wisdom in my life, I was able to manage all those issues, as long as I know my identity in Christ. Maybe, If I am not careful and was not able to manage, it can keep me up at night, and send me into bouts of depression, discourage and anxious.  Why?  Because understanding, inspiring, organizing, aligning, and keeping a group of people focused and passionate is simply difficult. Also, I always have to remind myself that I don’t have to please people. Being a leader can be a rewarding experience but it also means facing a host of anticipated and unexpected challenges.

Dumating din sa point na kailangan kong ayusin yung mga priorities ko sa buhay. The most challenging year as well. Struggle sa scholar, struggle sa pagpapataas ng grades, struggle na lang sa lahat. But then, I always have to remind myself ano nga ba talaga ang first priority ko? It is then that I should play my role as a wise, focused, and resolute servant of God. Time management is very important as well. Yan naman yung taon-taon na gusto kong iimprove sa sarili ko kung paano ko mamanage ang time ko.

Sa buong 2015 ko, alam ko si Lord ang aking kasama. Kaya nagagawa ko ang lahat ng ito. Sa lahat ng scars, hurts, pains, burdens, brokenness, sadness, I still thank God for everthing dahil walang panahon na pinabayaan Niya ko. Wala kong maisip na oras na iniwan Niya ko sa panahon na walang wala ako, sa panahon na down na down ako. Though, I feel tired and my breathlessness is still there in the wings, I have rested as much as I can so that I can try and fight this journey that little bit more. I’d say 2015 has been an incredibly tough year, It’s certainly been one of my most difficult, confusing years I’ve triumphed thus far & I know I’m not the only one in that boat. Right? But then, this scars reminds me how good and how faithful the Lord is. Sa pagtatapos ng taon ko, akala ko okay na, tapos na, akala ko magiging smooth na lahat, pero hindi pala. Isa sa mga painful experience ko yung pagtatapos ng taon (Too private). Pero kahit ganun pa man, dun mo pa din talaga makikita kung gaano kabuti ang Diyos sa buhay ko. Kahit na naranasan ko yun and I know everyone of us will experience that o yung iba na experience na, lahat naman tayo pagdadaanan yung sakit na ganun, always remind yourself : “Deuteronomy 31:6” Alalahin lang natin lahat ng pangako ng Diyos. God is so faithful. God is so good. God is so gracious. God is so awesome!

I know the Lord is always with me. I will not be shaken, for he is right beside me. (Psalms 16:8)

After all, I think we are only just at the beginning of a very long and unknown journey. And as they say what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger!

So this was 2015 and it was fully packed and intense but in the end it was lacking far behind a lot of my personal goals and hopes, it’s good to be on a longer time out to find time to think about it again and make 2016 a bigger, better year and prove that mistakes can be made as long as you learned the lesson and adjust.

I have seen many failures throughout the year by myself but still God’s mercy and grace still remains. I thank God for having my family, church mates, mentor, disciple, and friends which I am tremendously, incredibly thankful. Thank you sa mga nag-stay. Thank you sa mga naging parte ng 2015 ko at sa mga susunod pang taon. Thank you sa mga nandiyan parati.Hindi ko na kayo iisa-isahin. Maraming salamat sa inyo!

There are many things in life to be thankful for.

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose. (Romans 8:28, NIV)

Marami pa rin ang mga blessings na dapat ipagpasalamat sa Diyos. Sobrang dami. Sobrang dami at sobrang dami. Una na sa lahat diyan ay ang makasama yung family ko magsimba tuwing Linggo. Kung meron man akong sobrang ipagpapasalamat sa Diyos yun ay yung blinessed ako ng family na ganto. A big shoutout to my family for standing by my side through this whole year. For my family who held my hand and said, “You got this!” in the times I was so close to giving up. My family who’s always there for me. Thank you, for an open ears to all my never-ending rants, for all the dramas, for all the kwentos and laughs. For my family who really cheered on me and supported me all through out the year, thank you so much and i love you.

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After all, It’s a “BLESSED 2015”, looking back at the past 12 months, it has really been such a blast. This year has been one full of surprises. God gave me more than I expected and more than I think I’ll ever need. Thank You for all the answered prayers, Lord. As much as I want to repeat 2015, all I can do now is look and move forward to the new year. I can’t wait to see what’s in store for me!

This year, I started writing the things that I want to achieve within this year and I am glad that most of those that I’ve written were already crossed out. Super excited na ko ngayong taon. Since, this 2016 mag dedebut na ko. Wuhooo! I’m turning 18 on February 27, 2016. *Oops!*. Excited na ko sa mga gagawin pa ni Lord sa buhay ko. Since, isa pa sa mga unforgettable experience ko ang maranasan ang Fire Camp nung Dec. 27, 28 & 29 kelan lang siya, so eto ako on fire na on fire. Wuhooo! And praying na mamaintain na to, ggang matapos ang taong 2016.

Making goals is one of my favorite things to do. I love having a plan, something to work towards.

Let’s make goals this year:
1) Share the Gospel to at least one person each month & build a cell group on my campus and on LNC as well, ask for they’re commitment towards the gift of eternal life the Lord Jesus offers.
2) Consistent spiritual discipline – quiet time in the morning (prayer, devotion, bible-reading, and quiet time/listening to God) and praying unceasingly as each moment goes.
3) Being productive and excellent on Digisciple (Ministry). To learn more and improve my commitment as well.
4) Encourage others through God’s Word as the Holy Spirit leads. Include prayer, too, and best done together if you can.
5) Use my planner every day I would really like 2016 to be a year of staying organized and on track. Checking on the short-term and long-term goal and make it happen as well.

Hoping to learn more in 2016 and a more productive year ahead of me and of you, too. Yow, Happy New Year!

It is always my goal to make the next year even better than the previous. I’m very excited to see what surprises God has in store for me this year! yay! 2016, I’m sure you will be amazing!

I’m so excited to embrace 2016. Not just with New Year Resolutions but, with an openness to receive more visions & goals coming from the Lord.

Another year of success and happiness has passed. With every new year, comes greater challenges and obstacles in life.

Thank God for everything that happened this year. There may be bad times but there’s always good times.

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Thankful for 2014: Thank You, Jesus. (INSPIRED)

I was about to scroll my account. Wala scroll scroll lang sa facebook, twitter, news, tumblr etc. For sure kasi madaming mga New Year’s Resolution, & New Year’s Realization ang mga mababasa ko. Kanyang kanyang post. Kanya-kanyang pasasalamat sa mga naging part ng kanilang 2014. Fresh start. Everyone was positive that 2015 will be a great year!

So here’s the TOP 3 post na nakaagaw ng pansin ko. Nakaka-amaze! I was blessed by they’re post. Isa silang artist/singer/song-writer/musician. They perform in front of audiences but also knows how to worship God. IS IT AMAZING?

*****

1. Yeng Constantino

Actually last last year post pa ito, January 21, 2012. Pero habang nagiiscroll ako ng mga post ni Yeng on the mission hehe, I found this one! Isa si Yeng sa mga favorite artist ko. Hindi lang sa dahil magaling siya kumanta at magcompose ng kanta kundi dahil sa sobrang passionate niya rin to serve Jesus. And dahil dun habang nagbabasa ako ng mga posts at blogs niya nag-struck sakin tong mga words na to. I find this awesome! & Very powerful talaga! as in! “SURRENDER EVERYTHING TO GOD”.  Sa tingin ko kasi ngayong magbabagong taon, heto ang pinakamagandang bagay na gawin natin. Yung masurrender natin at malet’go natin lahat lahat kay Lord. Yung sins, doubts, frustrations, burdens, fear, disappointments, failures, guilt and shame. It would be the best fresh start for all of us. “LEAVE EVERYTHING TO GOD”. Kung ayaw natin maging mabigat ang ating 2015. From the smallest things to the biggest things. Let God hold your world.

2. Gary Valenciano

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Gary V. is also known as Mr. Pure Energy. Nakikinig ako paminsan minsan ng mga kanta ni Gary V. at very inspirational ng mga Christian Music na kinompose niya. Kaya naman nakaamaze na napakasikat niya sa ating industriya pero still, nandun yung pagiging proud niya kung sino ang Diyos sa buhay niya. I saw this twitter post last last month. I think October ata yun. Nakakainspired di ba? Yung prayer na ganyan. Nakakaencourage! to pray for the wisdom and discernment. This coming 2015, nawa’ mas lalo pang tumindi ang mga prayer life natin. Before this year ends, wag nating kalimutang magdasal kay Lord. And let’s expect more great things from above. Asking is the rule of kingdom. Prepare na natin ang mga big prayer requests natin. Thank you, Jesus. “MORE PRAYER, MORE POWER!”

3. Zildjian Benitez

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I just wanted to share that I had a WICKED year this 2014! There may be failures, downs or discouragements I had this year but it didn’t made me give up as a musician or a person. This is all for the glory of God. Let His kingdom come and will be done this coming 2015  Have a Happy New Year everyone! – Zildjian Benitez

Ang pinakalast, si Zildjian Benitez. Ang iba sa inyo kilala siya, ang iba naman hindi. Isa siyang musician at the same time, nakanta rin. Isa siyang anak ng Pastor. Member siya ng G2B Boys, kung napanuod niyong ‘Got to believe in magic’ at naabutan niyo yung ‘Ikaw na na na’, siya yung nag-gitara dun. Member din siya ng bandang 4 of spades. Ayon, ayon lamang ang alam ko sakanya. Sikat na siya pero sapat lang hindi ganoon compare dun sa dalawang una. 16 or 17 years old na siya, mga ganoon. At the very young age, nagseserve na siya kay Lord. Basta ang alam ko, he serve Jesus through music. Amazing! December 31, 2014. After kong mag’devotion kaninang umaga, nagiiscroll ako ng news feed sa facebook at ito ang unang unang nabasa ko. As ing- una! hahaha Salubong! Habang binabasa ko to, napaisip ako ‘I feel him’ Hahahah. Ganto rin kasi yung gusto kong ishare ngayong patapos na ang 2014. I HAVE SO MANY MANY MANY FAILURES! I have nothing to be ashamed of. Lahat naman siguro tayo naranasan mag-fail at mag-fall. Paano matututo kung hindi dadaan sa failures, right? Walang exempted! Pero gustung gusto ko sa lyrics ng ‘From the inside out (Everlasting) by Hillsong’ yung A thousand times I’ve failed. Still your mercy remains.” Favorite line. At Favorite na favorite kong sabihin yan every time I failed. I believe that the love that God has for me extends to the heavens. His plans for me are not limited by my failures and mistakes. His grace is sufficient or enough to lift me from this state, and take me to where He wants me to be. I am surrendering to my Lord’s ability and wisdom to get me through this. I quit desperately trying to work everything out on my own. Minsan aasar asarin ka ni satan na, ‘uhhh, uhhh Loser belat! Failure!’ Pero I realized yung mga ganoon di dapat pinakikinggan yon. “JESUS DIED FOR ME!” Yun lang sapat na. Sapat na si Jesus ❤! Kaya sa mga nagui-guilty diyan this 2014 sa mga failures at mistakes nila. God is a forgiving God. It’s time for all of us to repent sa mga kasalanang nagawa natin. Leave your past behind you, and start over. It’s hard to resist the chance at a new beginning. A new way of living and looking at the world. Letting go of old habits, old memories. What’s important is that we never stop believing we can have a new beginning. It’s all because of Jesus who gave His life and love for us. But it’s also important to remember that amid all the crap are a few things really worth holding on to. Failure is inevitable, unavoidable but failure should never get the last word. You have to hold on to what you want. You have to not take no for an answer and take what’s coming to you. Never give in, never give up. Stand up. STAND UP AND TAKE IT! Thanks for inspiring zild! keep fighting for Jesus.

Change… We don’t like it, we fear it. But we can’t stop it from coming. We either adapt to change, or we get left behind. It hurts to grow. Anybody who tells you it doesn’t, is lying. But here’s the truth: Sometimes, the more things change, the more they stay the same. Make a change!

Sobrang amazing lang talaga na makakita ng isang artist/musician na hindi lang basta basta nagpeperform in front of audiences pero yung merong Diyos sa puso nila. Yung tipong kahit sikat sila at madaming umiidulo sakanila still, THEY BRING BACK ALL THE PRAISES AND GLORY TO OUR GOD! Taong hindi nahihiya na ipakita sa lahat ng tao na Mahal nila si God. Sobra lang. Naguumapaw. Yung feeling na ginagawa nila to kasi di na nila ma-contain ang happiness at revelation ni God but hindi nila alam na madaming naiinspire at nacu-curious din kay God at sila ay nagiging instrumento. Sobrang amazing! This coming 2015, Una (Yeng), Surrender everything to God [Bigay mo na lahat lahat kay Lord, wala dapat ititira]. Pangalawa (Gary V.), Be prayerful [Be thankful to Jesus for 365 blessed days]. Pangatlo (Zild), Confess everything to God. “Wag mong kakalimutan that God is a forgiving God. “HIS GRACE AND MERCY ENDURETH FOREVER” (Psalms 100:5).

Even if you’re tired, even if you want to walk away. You don’t. Because you are a pioneer. But nobody ever said it’d be easy.

Grace be with you all,

Sheim 🌙

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Tanggap ko na pero, Ang sakit pa din!

May mga bagay na kahit tanggap mo na, di mo parin mapipigilang masaktan pag naalala mo ulit. Yung pag naaalala mo ulit, maiinis ka, mapapasigaw ka, matutulala ka, mapapakiss ka sa dingding, mapapasplit ka, mapapaumpog yung ulo mo, mapapa’ouch ka, at masasaktan ka talaga.

Pero kahit ano namang drama ang gawin mo, kahit anong pagmumukmok mo, wala na. Hindi mo na mababalik yung oras. Ang kailangan mo na lang gawin ay tanggapin ng tuluyan at ibaon na ito sa lupa. May mga panahon talaga sa buhay natin na kailangan nating tanggapin.

Pero bat’ ang sakit sakit pa din?

Apat na bagay na tanggap ko na pero ang sakit sakit pa din sa tuwing naaalala.

1. HINDI AKO NAKASAMA NG FIRE CAMP

Last month pa inannounce na merong fire camp (youth camp) sa darating na December 28-30. Syempre ang nasa isip ko naman “ay matagal pa naman yun” di muna ako papaalam. Mahaba pa yung panahon kaya sa december na ko magpapaalam. Makakapaghanda pa naman siguro ako non. Nakalipas ang mga ilang araw.. teden! Hala december 25 na, hala december 26 na, hala december 27 na, ay bukas na yun! Hanggang sa ako na mismo yung nagdecide na di na ko makakasama. Aside sa wala akong pambayad. Late na ko nakapagpaalam. Paniguradong di ako papayagan nun lalo na’t kagagling ko lang sa outing at sunud-sunod na pag-alis sa bahay tapos alis ulit, di talaga na ko mapapayagan nun. Sad. Hanggang sa naging december 28, tuluyan na kong di nakapunta ng camp. Nag uumpisa na ang ‘Inggit Factor’ ayoko siyang maramdaman pero yon ang naramdaman ko after the service. Pakiramdam na ‘sana pala nagpaalam ako ng maaga’ Lalo na’t inaasar asar pa ko ng mga minions na ‘de wala wala wag niyo pansinin yan di yan sasama’ Naguiguilty tuloy ako na di ko ginawa yung best ko para makasama. Till’ now nandun pa din yung panghihinayang, Sad.

2. PADALOS-DALOS NA DESISYON

“Ang taong marunong ay makikinig at kukuha ng higit pang turo,” sabi ni Solomon, hari ng sinaunang Israel. Kung minsan, ang karamihan sa atin ay nakagagawa ng di-matatalinong pasiya dahil lamang sa hindi tayo nakinig sa payo ng iba.” — Kawikaan 1:5.

Lahat naman ng bagay pinagdidisyunan, maliit man ito o malaki. Kahit itong pagbasa mo sa post na to, nag desisyon ka rin bago mo to basahin. Hindi mo lang pansin. Ang dali mong mapag-decide no? Isa ata ako dun sa madaling magdesisyon. May mga panahon na padalos dalos akong madesisyon, minsan naman pinagiisipan ko din ito ng mabuti. Pero nararapat na pagisipan muna ang lahat lalo na kung involved ang puso sa pagdedesisyon. Sabi nga nila, ang padalos dalos na desisyon ay minsan nauuwi sa kapahamakan. At malinaw din na sinabi ng Bibliya na: “Ang padalus-dalos ay tiyak na patungo sa kakapusan.”

May mga desisyon na nagdudulot ng mabibigat na kahihinatnan. Samakatuwid, sikaping tiyakin nang patiuna kung ano ang magiging mga kahihinatnan nito. Mag-ingat na hindi ka mabulag sa posibleng di-kanais-nais na pangmatagalang mga resulta dahil sa panandaliang mga pakinabang. “Matalino ang nakakakita ng kapahamakan at nagkukubli, ngunit ang mga walang-karanasan ay dumaraan at daranas ng kaparusahan,” ang babala ng Kawikaan 22:3.

Itong taon na ito (2014), may mga naging desisyon akong padalos dalos. Gusto ko man i-share dito ang mga pagkakataon na iyon pero mas pipiliin ko na lang na i-private iyon. Ang importante sa dulo, Natuto! Lahat naman siguro tayo ay mga momentong ganto. Sa huli, tanggap na natin pero ang sakit sakit pa din. Gawa ng mga consequences na natanggap natin dahil sa padalos-dalos na padedesisyon. Sad. Pero, salamat sa Panginoon, because, “HE’S MERCY AND GRACE STILL REMAINS”

3. NAWALAN AKO NG WALLET

Isa to sa napakasakit na pagkakataon sa isang tao ang MAWALAN ka. Lalo na kung napakahalagang bagay sa’yo nito. Para sa akin, napakahalaga ng wallet, hindi lang dahil sa dito mo nilalagay ang pera mo, ang allowance mo, picture mo (hahahaha), pero sa kadahilanan na ding nandun ang mga ‘remembrances’ na meron ako. I think last last month ata ako nawalan ng wallet. Magkasunod na week ako nawalan. Yung unang wallet na nawala sakin, napakahalaga. Nandun yung mga tickets na inattendan ko, yung gospel card/invitation na unang invite sakin sa CYOD, may lamang P300.00, pictures o remembrance sakin ng mga taong malalapit sakin puso, may cards, ID’s simula nung kinder ako, may mga abububot halo halo. Everyday naiisip ko pa din nawala yung wallet ko, nasasaktan pa din ako. huhuhuhuu. Pero kahit anung ungol ko di na naman yon mababalik. Sad.

4. WALA AKONG NADATNAN SA NUVALI

Ang pinakalast. Dahil pinakalast at recently lang siya. Medyo ouchie pa siya. Fresh na fresh! Tanggap ko na pero sakit pa din. December 22, 2014, pumunta akong nuvali with Bea Samapang, Yap Madronero & Sr. Melchor Ortaleza. Ayon excited na ko. December 21, 2014 pumunta dito si yap pinaalam na ko haha kahit ako yung nagyaya sa kanila. Hanggang sa napayagan na ko. 6PM start nung event hanggang 10PM. So December 22, heto na siya. Maaga pa lang nagdevotion na ko. Imagine isa sa mga 7 big prayer requests ko, masasagot yung isa sa araw na iyon. Kaya excited na excited na ko. Hanggang sa 4:00PM nagprepare na ko. 6:00PM umalis na kami. Byumahe. Kinakabahan ako at the same time, excited na. Yey! Pagdating ayun nakita ko na ay di pala *napasigaw pa ko* wooo! kinakabahan na ko kasi parang wala naman. Baka manghinayang lang ako. Kaya antay pa kami ng ilang oras. Hanggang sa nagdesisyon na kaming umalis na at pumuntang paseo. Naibuhos na lang sa pagkaen. Pero okay lang nagenjoy naman akong nakasama sila. *Sorry, medyo blured.*

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Pero syempre wala naman dapat ituro sa lahat ng ito kung ang sarili mo mismo.

1. Kung nagpaalam sana ako ng maaga at pinagdasal ko ng sobra sobra makakasama sana kong fire camp.

2. Kung pinagisipan ko muna sana ng mabuti.

3. Kung pinaginagatan ko yung wallet ko.

4. Kung inalam ko muna kung may madadatnan ako dun o wala.

Tanggap ko na pero ang sakit sakit pa din! Hehe.

Weekly Post: Chapter 3 (The lost and found)

WEEKLY POST(6)The story of my life has many chapters. One bad chapter doesn’t mean it’s the end of the book.

Sa dami dami dami dami dami dami ng tao dito sa mundo paano ko mahahanap ang nawawala kong wallet? Fresh pain a while ago. I have that feeling na maraming importanteng bagay doon para sa akin. Memories and remembrance? Yung gospel and invitation na unang invite sa akin. Yung id’s, yung tickets. syempre yung allowance. Lahat lahat pati yung wallet na mahal :\, I too much value the things I have and the things that are given to me that’s why it cause me pain. Sunday morning when I lost my wallet. I dunno’ where I misplace it. All I know, that wallet is very important to me. Umaasa akong maibabalik siya. Til’ now, the pain. It won’t go away, today. But the reality too won’t change. It is a decision for me to completely forget what happened and convince myself that it never come back anymore. But I pray, kung sino man may hawak nung wallet na iyon. Lord, touch his/her heart. So I will wake up in the morning bearing the pain of reality because I am in the road of accepting. Wallet lang yun, hindi ko pagpapalit ang gladness ko.

The truth is, I will not blog about this, wallet thinggy-u know. I’m physically tired pero magalak ang aking puso sa pagkapanalo nitong intams. 3 days intrams was a great experience for me. First time ko mag-intrams sa AMA. And I received 3 champions (Table tennis – Single [Women] & Mixed Doubles, Badminton -Single[Women]) All glory belongs to God! One thing I realized, nanalo nga ako. But after all this thing, Inside my heart, may lungkot pa din. This coming saturday, may event sa church. Na dapat nakapaginvite ako instead of playing around, hitting that shuttlecock. Waking up early, doing stretching and waiting for the game. I feel guilt. I feel unsatisfied. I feel sad. Because I feel right now, that it was a wrong way. But, thanks be to God, for His mercy and grace. For He is a forgiving God!

Blessed is he whose transgression is forgiven, Whose sin is covered. Blessed is the man to whom the Lord does not impute iniquity, And in whose spirit there is no deceit. (Psalms 32:1-2, NIV)

Sa kabila ng lahat ng ito, saya sa pagkapanalo at lungkot sa biglang pagkawala, Still, PRAISE GOD! Maybe now, I’ll start another chapter. Move on. I am seeking always to have a start because I want to forget things I’ve done in a wrong way. But it is supposed to be like that? Forgetting what is behind and run like you had never carried faults in your life?

Do we really need to forget? Because at some point, sometimes, I see sweetness in pain. I see a charm in tears that have fallen. Looking back, thou’ it was a mess and unattractive, it is the reason I appreciate where I am and what I have today.

Mistakes, pains, and hardships are the ones we  mostly want to forget. But it is all the ones that  make us to keep going. We  keep trying harder, we keep fighting, we keep running, and we keep making things in proper order to rebuild things rightly. It  helps us to create our trace in this world. So that at the end of our lives we can say to ourselves, “My Life isn’t lifeless at all!” 

At the  end of  the  day I realize it is not about everything that happened. It is about the time I am always looking at. I am still that girl who thinks that time is always running out. I still put comfort in fast-paced and never want to see things slowly or in its regularity. Still, every time I fell to the ground, & every time I fail, still God’s mercy remains. Failure and success are both the possible endings of every season in my life.

In failure, I truly learn my weaknesses and things I cannot do next time. In success, I learn my strengths, the things I can and qualities I have that I can use again. And in both, I experience the mercy, grace and love of God. It is like learning the advantages and disadvantages of things around me.

What matters for me is the journey and not the ending. Endings are just bonus where I can say “Yeheyyyy! Finally, tapos na.” or “Wow! It is awesome! I want to do it again!” And in every journey I am in naman there’s only one thing that is always being point up. It is GOD IS IN ME, GOD IS WITH ME & GOD IS FOR ME and there’s always a next chapter with Him. I was lost for a week but now I am found again. More grace more love.

When do I ever learn? I am always like this and makes me forget to enjoy things  at a time. I am greedy to have it all at once not realizing that one present a day is equal to unceasing happiness than getting and unwrapping the gifts at  one once and not having anything tomorrow. 

I know that I have to go back. I do not know where to find what I am losing because I don’t also know what specifically I have lost. But if there’s one thing I am sure of right now, it is the want to write the way I used to. To find the softness again. To go back.

Balik laban!

Life is a battle and a race. A battle with God’s enemy and a race where winner does not mean you are the fastest but the strongest and the one who really perseveres. Because the race I am talking about is not just an ordinary one, it is a race where  you are risking it all for your faith.

Right now, I feel better. I find comfort because of- JESUS ♥

My Prayer:

Remember your word to your servant, in which you have made me hope. This is my comfort in my affliction, that your promise gives me life. The insolent utterly deride me, but I do not turn away from your law. (Psalms 118:49-51, ESV)

I will not give up. Because You trust me in this. You want me in this. Paul found joy in suffering, I should have too. Because we both have You. In this moment where I gave up myself planning for my future, I can only say Your Name and nothing more. Lord, your grace is sufficient in my weakness.

Weekly Post: Chapter 2 (Take a break)

WEEKLY POST

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“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.”

Matthew 11:28 NIV

A heavy heart is the hardest thing to have. But now, as my last day in second week of blogging about weekly post, I ask God to help me lift it. To take my burden and make me whole & light.

These verses are so real for what I’m going through this week, at this moment it’s absolutely unbelievable.

It’s like this is what I needed to hear right now because I feel so tired and sad and overwhelmed in pain, feelings, & emotions. Not just that. But physically tired this week. 😦

But now, It’s time for me to take a break. – and get a little rest.
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Exhaustion wears me out! It drains my of strength and weakens myself, inside and out! In fact, the word “Exhaust” means “to tire out completely”.
Now, I should REST and I become Re-Energized!

Weekly Post: Chapter 1 (Remind yourself)

WEEKLY POSTThese past few days I was struggling on what to write, how to write, and should I really write about it at all. I miss how I write the words in a brighter way. How I often type them while seeing the happiness side of life. I miss to entangle my random thoughts and insights and find hopeful me. Not the abandonment.
Writing is already part of my life pero bakit ganun? Pansin ko ang notebook ko eh walang pagbabago. Maging ang journal ko umunti na rin ang sulat. Pati ata mga notes ko sa school nababawas-bawasan na rin umaasa na lang sa mga pictures na inuupload ng mga classmates ko sa group. Malala pa, nilalangaw na rin ang blog ko dito maging sa tumblr for a few months. Pansin ko din na di na nababawasan ang mga sticky notes ko.
Ang dami kong napapansin. Pansin ko lang ang ganda ko pa din hahaha. College days. The most dreading season of studying. I became too busy to actually find time to talk with my friends. But now I realize it isn’t just about the talk. It is the presence of myself to be with them, to bond with them and to inspire them.
May mga bagay na akong nalilimutang gawin pero sa kabila ng lahat,

I can do all this through Him who gives me strength. (Philippians 4:13)

Minsan kailangan mo lang talaga i-remind ang sarili mo sa mga promises ni Lord.

It is true somehow that you’d never appreciate college days. Because at this point, I’m  not having  a good sleep. Doing studying chapters of lessons/modules and reading notes. It’s just the beginning. 1st yr. palang ika-nga ng iba. But for now, this is the road that I’ve been entering for 6 months and I’m really determined to be the best as I can, hindi lang maging ordinary student pero maging extraordinary student with distinction.
It is not just actually about writing. Part of me has this season of maturing, particularly of being a woman which is somehow connected about how I put my random thoughts and insights on paper. But also, I would like to write my weekly daily here. I just realize now that my whole identity revolves on dreaming, unending thinking, and writing . It is funny, somehow. Instead of studying today, I’m wasting my time thinking and thinking and thinking on what to do. harhar!
Monday is our midterm. God Bless!