What I Want VS. What God Wants

June 02, 2016 exactly 12 a.m in the morning it was announced in Manila X Festival’s site that I won 2 tickets. Obviously, I was so surprise and glad. Before June 02, 2016 around last week of May, I really prayed and did an action to win in that contest because, I really wanted to be there and witness the first ever Manila X Festival. And most of all, I want to see my favorite artist and bands there like Yeng Constantino, Up Dharma Down and The Juans. hehehe. So, I don’t want to miss that opportunity. But, to make the long story short, I couldn’t make it. (Right now, I’m very sure the concert is on going. lol.) Last night, after my night class, I went to church for worker’s meeting. And then, my mentor already knew it that I will not be able to attend CYOD even if I didn’t tell her earlier so one of my ka-mentee teased me hahaha. Plus, travelling back at home my disciple PM’ed me. She told me that she will attend CYOD. So, I am more confused If I’m still going on Manila X Festival or will attend CYOD. Huhuhu. I talked to GOD. And praying for a wisdom. Because, that moment I don’t feel a sense of “peace” to go in that concert. Although, that’s once in a lifetime. Yes, honestly, I don’t want to miss the opportunity to see my fav’s. But, it will break my heart if I miss the opportunity to meet my disciples.

June 04, 2016, 9 a.m in the morning it was all set. I’m very prepared and excited for the concert but still my heart is not at peace. After a few hours, my best friend called me that she can’t make it today. I felt sad about her news. So, I texted my other friends and one of my friend is willing to be with me. But then, I decided not to go anymore. So, I already told my mama & my mentor that I won’t go on Manila X Festival. My mama told me that maybe “it is God’s will”. And my mentor told me that “God has His ways.” In any decision we have the opportunity to choose. And this is one of the opportunity to practice wisdom. There is a purpose behind everything. I am so busy planning for the concert not even asking God’s opinion about it. Now, I learn to lean. I learn to ask and seek. I learn to be more obedient [obedience out of love]. I learn that my God is so powerful enough to do and fulfill EVERYTHING in EVERY WAY. I want Him to direct my path even when I’m about to make choices in life. So, yeah, I was about to take a bath a while ago when GOD spoke to me, I just cried.. To be honest, I want to be in Manila X Festival but, I want to obey and submit to God [out of love]. I should be serious about following God’s will, and I have to recognize that it’s not about getting what I want, but what God asks. His will is what’s best for me. 2PM, me and my ka-meente went to te amo and 4PM, I attended CYOD. I’m telling you, “It’s worth it!”. Worth it to choose HIM first and put GOD above all else.

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Lesson Learned: “Read the instructions very carefully”

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It’s so hard for me to think a good title. Ayt. My brain just works in a different way. I don’t have much to say. I suppose I never do. At least not out loud. Everything is always in my head, every random thought, every opinion, every idea, every feeling, squeezing my heart. It makes me tired. I figured, I should probably write it out, and that way let out my thoughts, my feelings. I miss this. I was never into diaries these past few weeks because of busyness, because of achuchuness I’m handling in school right now and I had exams last week and was struggling to find time, never mind starting a new blog and trying to keep it updated, lol so I’d give this blog a try since I have something to say.

What I’ve learned today…
“Read the instructions very carefully before completing any Petition.”

The meaning of a sentence can change based on one word or even one sentence. If you do skim or read sloppily you may miss it and misunderstand. It’s true that most of our reading is not imperative or life threatening if we make an error.

daDA

I forgot to pay attention to every single word on our prelim examination at CS202 – Computer Programming 2. Because all I know and all I thought, our exam will be so easy for me. Because, some of my classmates told me that I’ll just laugh with it. It was an important exam for me and I studied really, really hard for it. It was supposed to be an easy exam. Everything pointed to it being an easy exam, but I studied as hard as I could for it anyway because it was an important exam. It’s a milestone. It’s one of those ridiculous steps we have to take in life so that we can climb just a little bit higher; I’m a ComScie student so I have to master the programming. So, it was important for me to develop my programming skill that’s why I push through. I was so hopeful and confident in that subject. So here it is, last week I was about to took my exam, and I took my exam for about 3 minutes, if I’m not mistaken. Anyways, that is a special exam. I was really confident that time that I will have perfect score. Test I – Multiple choice, Test II – True of false, oh speaking of true or false. I actually didn’t notice that I have to write my last name if the statement is true and write my first name if the statement is right. And guess what? Its two points each. I thought that was the last but there was another. In test III, I didn’t read the instructions again, I thought all I have to put is the output but then I was wrong. Because, I was so confident that the exam was so easy for me, my grade is lower than 80-90% and that was unexpected. Ayt. I didn’t notice the instructions at the very first place telling me that next time sheim you read the instructions very carefully.

I remember,
Doc Jecee says “Kaya nga unang una ang instruction eh, kasi yun yung pinakaimportante sa lahat, bago mo gagawin ang isang bagay o isasagot yung ganto ganyan, babasahin mo muna instructions”

*****

So that’s it. Hahahah. All I feel right now, NANGHIHINAYANG TALAGA KO. Hanggang pagtulog ko ata, nasa isip ko to. First time ko makakuha ng ganung grade. Grade conscious feels! Di ko siya matanggap nung una. Pero, sabi nga ni Sir Jerome kanina, sino ba yung nagsulat sa green booklet? So, I have no one to blame but myself. Nakakagulat lang kasi pag pasok ko na di dapat ako papasok kasi sobrang feel ko yung pagod. I have cold and cough. At masama talaga pakiramdam ko, pero pinilit ko pumasok kasi akala ko may laboratory exam kami just like what I’ve said, importante tong subject na to sakin. Dahil major. Pag bukas ko ng pinto bungad sakin yung ____% sa harap ng green booklet, I was like shocks! shocks! shocks! Bat’ ganto grade ko? Yesterday, I went home around 10PM and it was almost every day. Because of school works I have to do, and deadlines to meet for our org. Is it normal to feel this physically drained, right? Like I could only get out of bed by 6am and it just takes a lot of energy for me to even get up. Sometimes, I have no sleep yet. I’m even too tired to read or to catch up something in my acads. I’m just reading my bible lifelessly. For the Lord is my strength! I don’t think it is normal to feel so tired? No one else from my class is as exhausted as I am; they’re just going about their businesses as usual.

That’s why this is the verse of the week for me:

Exams are draining, most cognitively and physically. Feels like ang dami kong iniisip o kailangan pang gawin. Meron pa kong mga di natatake na prelim exam tapos mag mimidterm exam na. Ayt! Kaya, kailangan kong iremind yung sarili ko palagi na “SAY NO TO PRESSURE” talaga. There’s a lot of work goes into revision, there’s a lot of stress and anxiety and it’s all over in just a few weeks (a relatively short period of time). So there’s this huge buildup of work and anxiety in a short period of time for our org so of course it’s fine to feel tired. But then again,

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. – Phil. 4:13

Different people respond differently to exams. Like you some people feel absolutely exhausted at the end and then some people don’t; that’s it. Everyone is different in their responses to exams and in their preparations so it makes sense for people to respond differently at the end as well.

Kaya naman, I feel so sorry sa prof. namin sa subject na to. Kung napatahimik man ako sa klase, ang sakit lang talaga nung grade ko. Hahaha. No tampo po! I am blaming myself na di ko muna binasa yung instruction. And next time, una ko ng gagawin yun. Hahahah. Pagod lang rin kaya napatahimik na lang ako. Nadidivide yung utak ko. Maybe, I need a break… I should take some time out for myself. I found rest in God’s presence. Wooooh. Sobrang hungry sa rest. Kaya sana Sabbath day na hihi. I’ve done a lot of work recently and I deserve a rest. I’ll take the time that I need to recover and won’t compare myself to other people because I am all different.

I was thinking that this blog post is about learning to take tests well but also just reading directions on how to do something is dependent on careful reading of every single word. Take the first step “Read the instructions very carefully before completing any petition.” So, the careful reading of the passage part is an important life skill to learn and to make a habit of.
Hahaha. I find out where I’ve gone wrong and how I can improve, I need to read carefully first. Looking back and thinking about how things went. That’s all. My reflection for today. Thanks for spending your time reading my daily experience today.